Feeling the Urge to Find Love

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At this point I would need to know a lot more about both people in this situation before I could offer any more advice.

Is she still using this dating app? If yes, then that means she still has hundreds of potential candidates.

To me, it feels like an invasion of her privacy to ask about that. I don't doubt there are others she could've considered but, at the end of the day, she chose me. And it feels like I am the only man she's talking to right now. Maybe, it'll be time soon to talk about commitment but it's probably too soon for that right now.

It's hard and I feel for you. I'm three years younger and I know online dating can be tough. I've tried match.com and Christian Mingle since I'm a Christian about 4-5 years ago. At this point I am not sure if I will try online dating again or not. I would like to meet someone organically through group settings like work or if I ever join a hobby group. I am open to trying online dating again at some point but would like to get some things straightened out.

Yesterday was exactly the night I needed to prove that I truly have nothing to worry about and every fear I had was all made up in my head. We met to see a fireworks show last night for New Year's Eve. Well, it turns out, she was not alone. After the fireworks, we met up with and I got to shake hands with her parents.

They had picked her up, so they would not have to park two cars in a busy lot, but they left her with me to take her back to her car at the place in which she works. So...good sign? Parents are comfortable leaving her with me like that. We drove off and got some food before taking her to her car. We chilled in the lot next to her car for a good amount of time and had a real fun chat. I think I can see her starting to warm up to me now. The night ended with a big, warm hug.

So, I just need to keep my darn inner critic silent from now on, however, with my mental conditions, that's easier said than done. I just cannot help but ruminate all of the time. Therapy is helping a little but I still have relapses from time to time.

If you want my opinion, don't rely so much on the dating apps. Yes, I found my gf through an app, Facebook, actually, but it took me liking and messaging well over 100 others before one finally liked me back. So, while you can try, it'll take luck to find someone nice there.

You say you want to meet someone through a group setting and I think you have a better shot at pulling that off, as a Christian man. Just don't be scared to make a move if you do find one out there that you like. Getting turned down is part of the process.

Yeah even though my friends and neighbors found love on apps it's not really a reliable method of finding a partner!! !

I was successful using the group approach method and that is the best available option for most Autistic people!

Brian, why don't you look for someone who likes video games/video game music and Star Trek?

I truly do want to find a romantic partner to be with, but it's just so freaking hard, especially considering my kakologophobia and all my internet friends I've spent time with being never heard from again for at least half a decade!

Thank you, Mikurotoro! That is a good idea and I would like that. It's interesting but I noticed there are some female Youtube reviewers who seem to enjoy Star Trek that I found. I just have to find a common interest group to meet some.

Thank you so much for your advice! That's cool you found your gf through the Facebook app. I used to have Facebook but got off it years ago. That's great you found someone through there. I like the idea of meeting someone through a group setting. You make a great point to that rejection is part of the process.

Well, aliens....

It's no longer if, but a matter of when.

This alien is getting laid.

We had a dinner date on Saturday which lead to a very deep and emotional conversation in the car that included a little touch. Today, we met last minute for coffee and she got even more flirty on the car ride to my place. Now, we're straight up talking about it...

Oh, god, my alarm bells are going BEZERK right now! I'm excited but my natural anxiousness is very high as well.

Going from hopelessly depressed, lonely and borderline s**c*d*l 6 months ago to this means ANY OF YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!

Wow...that's wonderful!! !

Although, first-time of "doing the deed" isn't really all it's cracked up to be, at least that was true for me

How will you initiate the process @SilentBob84?

Push her aggressively against the wall & make out like in TV shows and movies?

Or just subtlety send her the message?

That would depend on if she responds to "spontaneous desire"(desire created dynamically without external force or stimuli) or "responsive desire" (desire created as a response to you or your partner's previous actions)

Interested to hear your thoughts...

If she's close to your age and at least somewhat attractive, then she's probably experienced and you should take her lead. Also, don't assume the first encounter has to involve going all the way to be considered successful.

First, there's this one hurdle coming into play but it's the last hurdle and a mighty big one too. She's still putting it off for the short term but had explicitly opened the door for it long term. She's afraid of one of us getting hurt, which is a valid thing to worry about, especially with our friendly dynamics.

We still have a bit of nervous energy between us, I can sense it, but she has become so much more comfortable and playful lately. Since she let me know exactly what she likes, I plan on surprising her with a move when we go out again, in an effort to build up the intimacy more and let her know how comfortable she can be with me.

I know her fears are also a little bit based on trauma so building her trust up is very important to me right now.

As for the quoted post, and given what I said, it is definitely more in line with responsive desire. I don't plan on pursuing it aggressively like that. I still am under the belief that sex should always be initiated by the woman and it definitely should be in this case given her comfort level.

I may have to be very patient for a while but I'm going to make her internal flame grow stronger over time and I'll make her put her full trust into me.

Besides, in baseball, you don't run towards second base then jog all the way home from there. No, you run all of the bases and, in the relationship, I'm still running towards second base.

Haha David (my boyfriend) didn't even push me aggressively against the wall in order to initiate sex!! !

Instead, he did it in a more gentle and soft kind of way but I guess it depends on the couple & their personal preferences

I feel the man is the one who should "take the lead" when it comes to sexual initiation...

In this case, I may take the lead but still leave the timeline on her terms. I don't want a specific time, I want it when our guards have fully dropped. But, right now, it's not even on my mind. I need to get her more comfortable with other acts first, like kissing and touch. The green light is flashing and I have every intent to surprise her when I feel the time is right. If I don't, I fear offending her at this point. I'm looking at it as a love bank now. When it's full, the payoff will be big for us both.

Work schedule is keeping us apart but I surprised her by showing up to the same Dunkin she was at "by coincidence" (when a woman tells a man exactly where she's going, that looks like an invitation ..right?)

She was pleasantly surprised at that.