Sudden reservations and doubts about marriage

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A couple of years living together isn't a long time

Looking back on personal experience, I think that it's a bad idea to move in with somebody if you don't think you can marry them. Not sure how that would apply here.

That's kind of what I was getting at. If he hates living with the OP as he did with his ex, it would be a lot harder for him to quit living with her if they're married than if they're living together unmarried.

Not Half.

Maybe there's more of the OP's story on these pages but I'm new here and know nothing of it and there's too little here for me to go making bold statements, apols for the cliche but David sounds like he has some issues that need working through. Living together first is the absolute right thing to do if uncertain and there's no other constraints and if he won't grant you that quite reasonable request...

Then the conclusion is not to get married because it would be a mistake?

I don’t think people can make that decision for you, but IMO, living together first is a good idea. Well, if you view marriage as imprisonment, I think holding off on marriage or not getting married at all would be prudent.

If David doesn’t want to live together before marriage because he didn’t like it with a previous girlfriend, then he might be in for a rude awakening after getting married because it’s not that different. Marriage is basically the same thing; it just includes a legally binding contract.

It’s true that every relationship is different, and he’s never lived with you. However, maybe you’re experiencing reservations and doubts for a reason. You might need more time with him and might want to put off getting married for a while longer…at the very least.

the thought crossed my mind that maybe David's former g/f left him and he's insecure about this happening again so maybe he thinks marriage is more a binding contract (especially when vows are taken in front of hundreds of close family/friends) so his next partner won't be tempted to leave. this is the only scenario that makes sense.

I think the OP deep down suspects this, hence the reason she keeps bringing up paranoia about imprisonment. i.e. being locked in a relationship where she's stuck with a man she decides she can't live with anymore.

Are you saying that imprisoning me is his ultimate goal?!?

What possible reason would he have to do that?

No that's not what I said. You said you fear imprisonment. I have given one reason you should maybe talk things through with David to understand why he wants to rush into marriage because he didn't like co-habiting with his last g/f.

Oh okay I get it

You want me to see if his marriage intentions are 100% pure and genuine!! !

the "conclusion" isn't something anyone else can offer you.

A healthy relationship / marriage is based on finding someone who understands you, and your fears, respects your values and is patient when one doesn't, to look out for and consider each other in everything, to be willing to compromise occasionally but without effort as to complement each other carries no burden. It can take years to understand and embrace all of that, it did me and I'm not done learning, it can take a while to work things out but respect, including self, and understanding is the only place to start, IMO.

To me the number one requirement for getting married is complete lack of doubt regarding the decision, which implies that one expects to be in that marriage for the rest of one's life. Otherwise forget it.

This is why I want to get out of Texas. Too puritanical.

I don't know how people can just decide to get married without really THINKING AND DELIBERATING what marriage would mean and most importantly what it would mean to them

If I still cannot make the choice then that means getting married is NOT the correct move?

Yeah, don't get me wrong I'm not saying you shouldn't see him (you clearly have enough of a connection to contemplate marriage) but liking some one and living with them are two different things. You literally don't know a person until you live with them. It's kind of normal to get swept up in love and go with the flow but the very fact you post doubts about this prospect (echoing Maxe's comment) mean you are deep down not invested in the idea and (yes) talk to Mr David to better understand his intentions.

And (yes) listen to twighlight, ultimately our opinions don't matter, you need to make the final decision as it's your life but at the same time don't be vulnerable to being manipulated.

I don't know what to do

I have to also factor David's health issues into this too!! !

As much as I want to experience marriage I am quite content with just living with my brother...