Oh I'm cursed. Bullying.

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gbollard,

unfortunately when schools say they take bullying very seriously its just a front, there is very little a school can do about it.

the only thing a school can do to the bully ... is bully him in return. Put him in detention or do parent meetings or suspend him or do any sort of unpleasant things using their 'power' over the bully.

the result is not that the bully stops. He simply changes tactics and hates the kid that 'snitches' a lot more. So while the bully may no longer come up to your kid to physically bully him he can very easily turn the other students against your kid. Its just social dynamics.

moreover, bullying is only covered while on school grounds. If your kid is ever at a social occassion.. party or after school sport event or anything.. they will get him there.

The only real solutions is to have the bully expelled from school (which no school will do unless the bullying is physical enough to leave marks) or have your kid deal with the bully.

I've seen cases of meek kids grab a broom handle or a metal tube and beat the snot out of a bully..get suspended for a week, come back and the bullying is over. I dealt with it by making myself an unnapealing target for bullying. Others simple get their own circle of buddies and use numbers against the bully so they're left alone. There be many solutions.

but ultimately, the only real solution can only come from your kid not the school.

^ He speaks the truth.

If my son is bullied, I'm going to try the school's methods first - why, because I'm a parent and I don't want my son to be forced to take action.

If that fails, and if my son ends up taking action of his own, I will be able to describe in detail (in his defense) the inaction that led to the event.

Of course, the best solution is to not be a target for bullies. There's no helping this in primary school but in senior years, becoming a library monitor will often pull you off the "lunchtime menu".

In the early years, I got bullied (primary school up to Yr 4).

In Year 5 I started at a different school so decided to be "crazy/weird". I kept kids entertained so they didn't pick on me.

The closest I ever got to being bullied back then was when I tried to help out other "fringe kids".

- One got expelled because his father hit a bully.

- One got a brick thrown at him - which missed and got me - the bully apologized saying that he was aiming for the other kid. I told him that he should save it for the form-master - and promptly reported him (I said sorry too... but I have to report it since it's an incident").

Once, and only once, some kid who was my friend accidentally bullied me. I didn't realize at the time that he didn't mean it - missed the social cues. I held him by his neck off the first floor balcony. The one and only time I ever used violence - and it cost me someone who would have been a friend.

I apologized but our friendship was never quite the same.

Once I hit year 7 (senior school in Australia), I became a library monitor and spent my lunchtimes up there. I met a group of like-minded boys from my year up there too and we all were "out of sight" to the bullies - who generally wouldn't go anywhere educational.

By Year 11 (the senior years) we'd moved down from the Library and spent our lunchtimes together in the playground (my nerdy group). Bullies stayed away from us because

1. They'd forgotten about us after we weren't in the playground for 4 years.
2. We were a group - bullies pick on individuals.
3. Even the bullies had matured a little.

I was bullied up until the 9th grade.

On the 6th grade, my parents tried to intervene and spoke with the school counselor about it... the counselor in turn had a 'meeting' with the kids and told them to stop picking on me and to be 'nice' to me.

All this behind my back.

The next day the group of kids that usually picked on me came over and were behaving sarcastically nice, making me feel like a complete idiot and REALLY freaked out. Mid-day the counselor called me over and told me what she had done.. I just froze knowing just WHAT that meant for me. It would become worse than before.

And it did. The sarcastic/nice treatment spread to other kids that usually didnt bother me..it was the fad of the week. Rumors of me 'crying' to the counselor started going around which didnt help my image at all in front of my classmates OR other grade levels. Cold shoulder treatment and dramatically reduced respect from those few who I thought were neutral or friendly to me.

It ended up with me losing the 6th grade on purpose, to get away from these people.

In the 7th and 8th grade I integrated a bit better after finding out that humor was a good way to not only deflect the bully but it also made others see me in a positive way .. anything was better than 'odd quiet kid in the corner of the class'. When a bully came around to me and started insulting me or making smartass comments i'd simply agree with him in an exaggerated manner all the while smiling or laughing with him/them. Inside I was upset but it was the only way to prevent more humiliation.

By end of the 8th grade it had become 2nd nature to me.. not to humiliate myself (I learned how not to) but to use humor to show them I didnt care about their words or if they thought of themselves as high and mighty. I also noticed that the amount of bullying had dropped dramatically from something about 3 times a day to twice a week and ultimately to once a month then to zero.

They picked on someone else. A guy that while he was not introverted like I was, was very small in size and was whiny and weak. I think he wasnt picked on earlier because he was too wimpy and it'd make the bully kids look bad.

But they picked on him next.

and that kid snapped one day. 10th grade. He took the pliers used to cut locks kept in a janitor closet and beat the snot out of one of the bullies with it. Broke a bully's arm and a couple of ribs. If a teacher hadnt stopped him im sure it'dve been much worse.

but he didnt get bullied after that! And the weak, meek kid actually became known as the little pisser of the group..he'd get pissed off at anyone that remotely challenged him. Guess he learned what worked for him.

I found the only end to bullying was my exit from the school environment.

I was too dyspraxic ever to be effective if it came to fighting, which is not a good answer, my friends son was excluded from school for giving a bully what he clearly deserved.
I know at my various schools when it became very serious a warning would be given and the bullies would be made to hold off for a week or two but eventually they would come back.
Once a boy was expelled for breaking my teeth but that made things worse as he was popular and I was blamed by everyone even though all I did was stand there and get hit.

In no other part of life is one forced to be with a large group of people and put under pressure to achieve a stringent set of goals.
When working or studying at college you are there because you want to, you understand your goals you are free to socialise or not socialise and if you really can't abide the people you are with you are free to find another job or move to another course or college.

For many of us school was/is a horrible place and I to this day wonder why I had to be subjected to it.

I never put up with bullying. I always was persistent in taking the issue up with the administrators and such.

I actually at one point got the bully kicked out of school.

He remembered that when he was readmitted, about two years later. The guy was suddenly very respectful of me.

I was actually the type of student that was very friendly with his vice-principle in junior high, so when I was having trouble with something I went to him.

maybe im just hard headed but...


how does that help your kid in any way besides remove the current bully?

Will that happen every single time a new bully comes along? up until his high school years? later on in life?

personality is a pattern in my view.. and if the kid's way to deal with those that try to step on him is to use a 'system' set in place to shield him then i'd dread to think what would happen later on in life when such a system is likely to not be there for him.

nor will his peers respect him in any way if his way of dealing with it is to go 'crying' to the authority for protection. And that stays with him long time after the bully stops picking on him. And that is much worse.

nobody thinks much of a coward. Strong word but thats how it is looked upon.


There are ways other than violence or shielding him.. but again, in my opinion the only true solution has to be carried out by the kid himself. With your guidance but not with your interference.

I cannot suggest a solution for anyone since every case is unique in its set of variables. I can only say that the person that is being bullied has to be the one carrying out the solution not someone else doing it for him.

A bully only wants the gratification of having power over someone and the recognition he gets from his peers / classmates (be it good or bad recognition, some thrive in being 'bad boys', some just like to show off their power).

Removing the gratification the bully feels and deny the external recognition he gets for picking on you/your kid is one solution that is permanent and will give you/your kid a solid foundation to stand on for any future issues..in school or life or the workplace. He will be able to stand on his own.

Its like an equation. The reasons for the bullying are the only constant. You/Your kid is the variable. (if that makes any sense).