(Female only) How did your father affect your life?

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My father had a kind of split personality. He was very smart and could be kind and was charming to non relatives. Sometimes he was kind to me. But he was also a very unhappy person, and very controlling. I let him down because he said my learning problems were all in my head, and that I was rebellious. He tried to keep me a child when I needed to be taught to be a grownup, and could also say terribly hurtful things. He could make you feel liked one minute and intensely hated the next. But I still miss him, now that he is dead, and wish things could have been different. He was a very intense person, though. It could wear you out. Very demanding. He would sometimes start crying, and that used to scare me. I felt like everything was out of control and that it was my fault. I think he may have been bi-polar.

First of all, you didn't let him down! You can't help but have learning probelms, and SHAME ON HIM for putting the blame on you!! !

I understand that feeling. My father could be a nice man. He bought me a remote control airplane once and we went to the park and flew it around. Then he tryed to climb a tree when it got stuck in some of the leaves
But those bad moments cost too much, and I had to leave or else I would be a mindless soul.

I miss those good moments, and I wish my father was a better man. I wish he was there for me through the good and bad, but he couldn't do that for himself, so he couldn't do it for me.

I only wanted him to go to therapy with me, that was the only thing I asked...why did he reject me?

Uh, well. Stepfather can do the exact opposite too.

I remember my father well from when I was a baby/toddler and although he was a drunken, violent and antisocial bastard, he was lengths better than the stepfather afterwards who decided to

'Cure the (autistic) child to normality'

Because that certainly had an effect on me. Sometimes the biological fathers are better than the self-announced fathers and vice versa.

I'm sure you can get it back. It may take awhile, but maybe if you watch some innocent movies (Anastasia or some sweet Disney movie) or read something so beautiful and inspiring it makes you cry with joy. Or maybe you should watch things that make you laugh so hard that you cry.

My father is just over protective and he keeps reminding me that there are "bad people" out there. I say, "Yeah, whatever, I know, I know..."

My father was verbally abusive to me and my mother, until they divorced when I was 3. At that age, I remember he never really talked to me, rather talked 'at' me instead.
Since then, our relationship has never been close and he refuses to acknowledge that I have AS or the reason for the bad relationship between himself and my mother. Despite this, whenever I achieve something good (like good college results) he always tells his friends about it as though he played a great part in this achiement. He has never really contributed to my life, but he is trying very hard to now that I will be applying to Cambridge this year (another opportunity to tell everyone about his daughter's achievements).

My father can't brag about my achievements (Like getting into my extremely hard writing program), because I made a big fiansco when we "broke up", so he can't talk about me to the family, heehee.

Here's a video about kind of the same thing:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=yrNkuQUhh3A[/youtube]

I don't understand how the video relates...could you explain?

Basically its a story of fathers and daughters and dealing with things...

And it’s about finally breaking the cycle of abuse created by a cold and mean spirited father. Instead of repeating the behavior inflicted upon her, as people in families often do, Natalie’s character breaks it and is a kind and loving person.

It's told from the perspective of the man (once a neglected boy) who deeply regrets his damaging behavior towards his family over the years and all that he's lost because of it.

I think the video is very well done and could speak to anyone with a father who seeks to damage the spirit of his family by choosing to be cruel rather than kind. It also reveals some of the reasons why people can be mean to others by showing his own abusive upbringing with a cold mother. While this particular case doesn’t pertain to your situation the essential theme of a family and generations struggling to overcome the psychological effects of a loveless father seemed relevant. This father refuses to be nice, he rips up the little girls picture and so forth, because he is still suffering from the lack of love in his own childhood. Natalie begins to see this suffering, and is deeply affected by it, but she still grows up a strong and kind person despite it.

Actually, visually, the video is kind of scary and intense, especially when they superimpose the father's face over hers in that chair. I think that is to show how deeply we can internalize a father's words and actions or moods even and if we are not careful it can take over.

But it ends happily! Like your story. Becauase you are obviously so strong and already resistant to and aware of your father's effects on you. You take what he says with a grain of salt now.

Similarily, Natalie is stronger than her father's darkness and goes on to create her own happiness.

Actually I'm sorry for posting such a dark and moody video. It was a bit of an impulse now that I've figured out finally how to post Youtube videos.

I'm still trying to figure that out I don't go on youtube often so...
I think I'm stronger, I just have to muddle through the crud first.

I'm sad about my father today.
I wish he was a better man.

Aw.... sorry to hear it.

Did something happen? Or is it just that life sucks.
Hope you feel better soon...

Thank you for the support, it was just a bad day. Memories were hitting me like lighting all day, and each one sucked all the energy out of me

My Dad is a sexist bastard who needs to have his dick cut off and fed to him.

He always told me to "shut up because i'm a male and you're a female".


-SpaceCase

That's horrible!

That sounds like my father. I went to a private school were expectations were high. I use to dread parent's evenings because I use to get the same thing from every tutor every year; I wasn't trying, was disorganised, too quiet, I'm not using my brains etc, and I never asked for help, I wasn't trying with my work. So I would get punished, try to explain that I couldn't get the things out of my head and onto paper, then I'd get a few smacks round the head and get told that I'm wasting a great opportunity and how they (my parents) didn't get that kind of opportunity when they were growing up.

I always got compared to my brother. Although now it's stopped because we both go to university.

I remember when I first told my parent's about my depression, they basically blew me off and said "Teenagers don't get depression" (I was 18/19 at the time) and then went on this huge convo about my mother being down and on St John's Wort.

Also about my bipolarism and the trouble controlling my anger, I got into one fight, just the one and I can't live it down; my father says when he was my age he use to get into fights all the time. I try and tell him that it was a one off (I 'forget' to tell them the real reason why I got into that fight) everything I say always turns into aa story about him or my mother it gets annoying after a while.