Funny, corny joke thread

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What do you call a bee with a towel?

A beetle

What's black and yellow and goes "zzub zzub"?

A bee flying backwards.

NT: Which are you, Train Autism or Math Autism?

Me: Golden Age animation and classic Muppets.

NT: How did you get your autism? Tylenol or vaccines?

Me: I found my autism, at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.

Paddy didn't drive, so his work colleague, Mick, drove him to work each morning. They both worked Monday to Friday, 9-5, but Mick had been doing overtime one week, so Paddy had to get there two hours earlier each morning for that week even though he wasn't doing the overtime. When Mick told him that he'd decided to work Saturday as overtime too, Paddy complained, "great, that means I'll have to give up my Saturday to come to work!"

Paddy had lost his dog and was hunting around for him.
"Have you tried calling him?" asked Mick.
"No," replied Paddy.
"Who not?" asked Mick.
"Because he doesn't have a phone, stupid!"

What do you do if you see a spaceman

There's a pea on the top of the garburator. A Sweet Pea spots it.

Mother: I;m going to put that pea down the garburator.

Sweet Pea: You can't do that.

Mother: Why?

Sweet Pea: It's a preborn Om Nom.

What's a pirates favourite letter

Why was the zamboni invented?

So that fast hockey teams won't trip over the snow that they make with their skates.

Mick: Welcome to my repair shop, I repair anything you can think of, in an instant
Paddy: How come you didn't answer the door when I first called?
Mick: The bell's broken

Mick: I am severely phobic of random letters being said
Paddy: Are you?
Mick: Eeeeeeek!! !!
Paddy: Oh, I see
Mick: EEEEEEEKKK!! !! !!
Paddy: (startled by his reaction): Aaaaaaagghh!! !!
Mick: **Goes into cardiac arrest**

Mick asked Paddy to find him a five-foot woman. When Paddy returned, he said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is I've found you a woman."
"Excellent!" beamed Mick, "and what's the bad news?"
"She's only got two feet."

What do you call a man who got attacked by a cat

A book just fell on my head

Kid: Mithter. Do you thell bird theed?
Storekeeper: Come back when you can speak better.

A couple of days later

Kid: Mithter. Do you thell bird theed?
Storekeeper: Come back when you can speak better.

Another couple of days

Kid: Mithter. Do you buy dead birdth?