For the attention of Alex. Re: new forums.

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So what would be the rule on those under 30? Are we excluded from their forum? This type of issue came up when the men's and women's forums were first started and I don't remember getting an official word on it.

All I see is more unnecessary division being created. The kids, teens and adults forums are necessary divisions due to the nature of the topics that may only be suited to different ages. But why divide adults in two?

To respond to a couple of comments that stood out to me.

shadexiii
>>That's part of the problem. The parenting forum does not feel all that warm and welcoming to some of the parents with AS.<<

So how about we deal with the negative atmosphere instead of going overboard and sub-dividing forums left and right. The problem seems to be the people, not the forum itself. By the way, care to post some evidence about this anti-warm and anti-welcoming atmosphere for us to see?

Fuzzy
>>I dont want adult discussion. I want experienced discussion. With cohorts from my demographic or older.<<

Sounds pretty exclusive. You do realise that people can be under 30 and be experienced? If we continue along this path then next it will be 'I want to have a forum where only people from my race/religion/country/socioeconomic background can post'.

Rjaye:
>>I'm 46 yo. Why would I even go to the Adult thread when it's full of young people complaining about their lot in life or some weird question off the top of their threads that seems obvious, or is puerile at the very least?

Well, with opinions like this, I can see why people would say "you just don't understand!" to you. These are real questions asked by real people, show a little respect.

>>It's because most of the people are not adults. They are adolescents (and given Aspies develop slower, I would put our end adolescence at least late twenties--we are like fine wine!).<<

If they are adolescents then they should be posting in the forum appropriately titled 'Adolescent Asperger Forum'. If they aren't, then summon a moderator to deal with it.

>>It's hard to have a discussion with someone who automatically considers your views as coming from an old dino, and thus we either get the "you just don't understand!" or some rude rant in the guise of debate.<<

Does everyone automatically know your age when you make a post and then disregard your views as 'some old man's nonsense', or something? I've never seen anything like that before.


How about instead we get a little more moderation on the adults forum and make it clear that pointless topics (like the one's bazza pointed out) are not to be made there? Anything else is really leaning towards segregation, exclusion and elitism.

I noticed earlier a post here that was into the differences between high and low functioning, while that is true. I believe there to be a twist to it. This may be an extreme example, but one I can relate to.

There was a war, once upon a time, you either got drafted or you didn't, AS wasn't known, didn't exist. You either made it through or you didn't, on more then one level. No one will ever know how many Aspies didn't get out of it, could no longer handle the pain and trama. I'm not talking combat. It was a meat grinder, one you had to live.

Ok, having said that, it was just one, just one small one, of the school of hard knocks. But everyone of the dinos had some form of it and many times over. There is the twist. That's what the dinos know that the young ones don't, yet. They get the knocks, now, to be sure and they'll get more, like it or not. But we already got ours, time to relax, rest a spell, take our shoes off and go with the flow. I see it as the essence of the Cafe, the welcome mat, its all good message, you can drop the mask in here. We still get the problems and it still puzzles us and at least in some places it gets out, but where? Can't be everywhere and can't do everything to be sure, but if it were more localized, we might stand a chance of finding each other. I already raised my kids, I already raised my grand kids and I just hold the great grand kids and coo at em. I don't want to raise any more, but I remember the mistakes I made. When I'm up to it and think I might contribute some real meat and pototoes and not whisper some prayer for the dying, I'll go there, age be damned. I'm all for dropping the level to 35, maybe 30, or what ever, I can't come up with an age and I have tried.

Do not make the mistake of looking at a dino and thinking they're high functioning. It may look it, but it's just the hard knocks school at work. Sometimes it fails, yes it does. There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. Us older ones aren't in the statistics, remember no one really knows how many of us there really are, it didn't exist when we grew up. Not really sure we did, actually. I think I got stunted a long time ago. Just another hard knock.

I guess just another 2 cents and I had to get it down before I forgot it, it's hell getting old. (not really but it looked good on print) Still don't understand how I did it.

Thought for a lark I'd go check out the Parent's Forum.
This is the SECOND thread I looked at - please read carefully and then tell me this is a warm and friendly place:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=31158

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postpaleo wrote:
... That's what the dinos know that the young ones don't, yet. They get the knocks, now, to be sure and they'll get more, like it or not. But we already got ours, time to relax, rest a spell, take our shoes off and go with the flow. I see it as the essence of the Cafe, the welcome mat, its all good message, you can drop the mask in here. We still get the problems and it still puzzles us and at least in some places it gets out, but where

________________________
BazzaMcKenzie wrote:
I agree. We don't have (the same) worries about dating. We've found jobs (may have to find them again, but we've done it). Its like we are althetes at the end of a marathon, tired and exhausted, but we have run it (may have to do it again?). The younger ones are still running it and are yet to get through the "pain barrier".
_________________
calandale wrote:

Speak for yourself. Some of us have VERY similar worries.
Some of us have never really grown up, as you might put
it. More experience? Maybe, but the same problems. Hell,
at the age when I was in college, I was a lot LESS like most
of the kids that y'all are complaining about are.
___________________________________________
Calandale
His reply was in regards to something I wrote. Where in what (it in it self is snipped) did I miss the boat. This isn't a flame. I really would like to understand your point of view better. personaly I'm not all that hot on a seperate place, but I see it's value and tried to make the point of it's value. In the cafe and some new ones that have started in the area, we don't check the age, the problem with it is and still is, it's overloaded and hard to get in to the swing. I love the fact it's on the welcome page, easy to find for the few older folks (and thank the stars there seem to be more coming) that can figure out some of their past and hopfuly catch a breath of fresh air. It's not like we're trying to seperate the young from the old. I know it might look that way, but we don't check your ID when you have something to say. The value is, we have, sometimes, something that may be of value. Meat and potatoes, not, hope you feel better see you later or some rant that just makes it worse. The rest of the site will still be here, still plenty of room. I don't play for blood anymore. But I remember how. I sure do.

I won't go into the adult section on the current forum at all. If the Dino cafe were in there, I'd probably quit going. The adult part of the board has turned into a place to discuss adult sexual relation issues, which is fine, but I don't need to discuss it and don't want to be associated with it (if that makes any sense,Alex). I'm just saying it's not my thing and not where I'm at in life.

If you had a mature section or a 30+ section, here's what I think, you would get a place where people who found out about this long after they figured a way to live with it could gather and share experiences. None of us wants to stay out of the other threads all the time, but the younger set has completely different issues than we do because they are diagnosed and have interventions early. Many of us face therapists who are very discouraging about diagnosis and say there are no services at all for adults. That's something the younger crowd can't and doesn't have to relate to. Some will come in and that's fine. Those it makes uncomfortable won't. We're the same, but we've lived in completely different worlds.

30+ is the right age. We are the set who grew up with no diagnosis and have a certain set of life experiences to share.


I would have the Dino Cafe, the marriage thread (sorry, I'm not even comfortable talking about my marriage in front of kids in high school dating because they can't relate yet, but I do offer them hope that it CAN happen and will continue to do that), Dino Whiskey A Go-Go (music) , Dino Cellar (Literature), Dino Gallery (Art), Dino Ex-patriates (Writing), Dino Office Cooler (the work and professions thread), Dino University (oldsters going back to school or just starting), Dino Diaper Duty (Kids and Grandkids talk), Dino Clinic (Illnesses, Co-morbids, etc), Dino Collectors Shop (for all our special interests, planes, trains and automobiles) and Dear Dino (A place where younger people can ask how we coped).

So there are some ideas. Some can't keep up with the current Dino Cafe thread because they have to read through 50 pages to get to a topic they like. We talk about everything now. We'll still talk about everything. The one thing I can promise you is our conversations are different, our experiences are different and for most of us, the angst the younger set are experiencing is long gone. We'll help them, but it's not a place we want to dwell any more. Make sense?

I'd suggest renaming adult to mature subject matter
(or something similar), and create an adult forum.
The problem with 30+ is that it kind of leaves a
gap for those between the college age and this
forum. So, maybe instead of a specific age group,
make something like a lifetime issues forum? I
don't really know. I get the feeling that what's
really lacking is just a place to SOCIALIZE,
rather than anything having much to do with
any issues.

Nothing wrong with that, either. The adult section
has become purely mature themed topics, with
a few oddities cropping up here and there - it
is not an equivalent to what the kids or adolescents
have. But, it does kind of worry me that there is
going to be a hole created, between HS age, and
this new section.

Thanks for the constructive responses calandale and fuzzy - and for not reading into my tone as hostile!

I mean, we're all trying to figure out what will
work best. There's no reason to be hostile at
all.

hmm...I'm getting tired, that didn't come out
as I meant it. No offense intended - just poor
wording.

Morituri.

There. How's that for the name of the new forum?

I also do not agree with 30+. I think that the cafe says it all, when it say "40+ OR feeling creaky". The youngest member of WP and his brother have posted there (I guess they felt a slightly premature "creak" - we've never been exclusive.)

I have argued in the past against a forum, because the cafe was working so well. I now see that there are many people who genuinely find it hard to keep up with / dive into / etc. With the single thread, it has indeed become too crowded, confused, whatever.

I'd be quite interested to know what the post rate in the cafe thread is, as a percentage of the entire of WP. The last eight days have seen 1,000 cafe posts, many of which are long, and there's no sign of that slacking off. Isn't that really a bit silly?

Maybe the answer is to just call a new forum "The Dino Cafe" and leave it at that. The descriptive bit would be best done as a vague ramble, starting with crediting the current thread... "40+ or creaky", and going on to finish with "...and anyone else not aforementioned." Lock the current thread where it is, as a historic landmark, with a final post that says where it continues (in the forum).

There's absolutely no need, Alex, for you to "seed" the forum. I would bet on a minimum of a dozen threads springing up within minutes of you creating the forum. (Time us!)

In mind, I've got "Tips'n'Tricks" (sticky), "Ascii Art School" (sticky?), "Linux for dead people", "Novel methods of opening cans of Spam", "Favourite recipes for kippers", "How often I have given up smoking", "Zimmer frames I have grown fond of", "One liners only", "Minimum post length 2,000 words", "Favourite recipes for kiddies (as ingredients)"....

Of course, there is one thread that comes first... almost exactly the same as the current one "The Dino-Aspie Cafe (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky) - Welcome mat". Or maybe just "The Welcome Mat".

Maybe it also needs a "Rule Book", which says "There are no rules, except the ones we make up as we go along, and you will be expected to abide by them, on pane of glass."

There's probably a load of material that could be gleaned out of the 3,000 posts in the current thread. We'll sort it. Or we'll be lazy, and not bother.