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His Apollo 11 moon landing footage getting a golden globe award.

What's the weirdest movie ever made?

That little movie, I can't remember what it's called. I only remember it was musical, and some singing "Let's go out to the lobby. Let's go out to the lobby." It was maybe called Intermezzo or maybe Submission? It was a short. Wait! I know what it was called! Eleventy.

If I flip a coin, and lose a LOT of money in a bet, can I legally make a claim against me in an alternate universe?
I now have a lot of gambling debt. Two headed coin my ass. Why did I pick tails? It's that bastard in the alternate universe. I bet he called heads. So can I make a claim against him?

Of course you can make a claim against him! Fill out a Form Eleventy and mail it to Post Office Box Eleventy.
There is a fee of eleventy dollars.

What happens when a PC is possessed by a goblin?!

It sprouts mechanical legs, marches to the nearest basement, then begins drawing maps of dungeons.

Why does advertising lie to me?

Advertising never lied to anyone. We misinterpreted what the advertisers were trying to say.

When I closed my refrigerator door, do the characters from the shows I watch raid it when I turn off the television?

No, the condiments from an armed militia to keep that from happening.

Why didn't they make flatscreen TVs to begin with?

To reduce TV size a bit (and so save money on case manufacturing) yet retain it's marketed screen size.

How you'd do a campfire and cook some fish, if all you had was expired margarine, chloroform teddy bear, OnePlus 3T smartphone and a Panzergranate 39 armour-piercing shell?

I'd trade them all in for a Bic lighter.

Why is it against the law to drive a car on the sidewalk?

Because the sidewalk is lava.

Count to three.

This is easy.

One
One point one
One point two
One point three
One point four
One point four
Damn it.

Brad Pitt, William Shakespeare, or Walter Cronkite?

Blind Willie Syphilis.

Why does the Marvel Superhero team The Avengers call themselves that? What exactly are they avenging?

The injustices shown to the greatest superhero, Florida Man.

Why doesn't everyone become a millionaire?

Because the wallet surgery needed to become one is not only expensive, but really painful because it does not use anesthetic.

What are some great uses for sawdust?

Sawdust pills are a great medication which, among other things, can help prevent you from doing dumb things such as swallowing sawdust. If you struggle with constant desires to eat sawdust, ask your doctor if swallowing capsules filled with sawdust might be the solution.
Do not take sawdust pills if you have more than three teeth. Sawdust pills may cause unexpected growth of new elbows. If new elbow growth occurs, stop sawdust pills immediately and talk to a doctor. Do not take sawdust pills if you have a history of having ears.

Why couldn't we use WP when it was disabled, since being disabled is just an excuse people make up so they don't have to work?

The website fell down some stairs and fractured its colon, the punctuation, not the organ.

Why is Batman afraid of Sun Chips?

You miss-spelled that. Batman is afraid of Sunk Ships because when he is flying the Batmobile in submarine mode he sometimes hits the sunken ships. It scratches the paint.

Why was the paint itchy in the first place?