I think being dead is better than living.

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Nobody can keep me alive if i really want to die, and kill myself. They can try to stop me, but not forever. Otherwise you would have to lock me up for the rest of the days, which is very expensive. And that does not happen if you're only suicidal.

Your right no one can stop you. So why come here? I think a part of you is second guessing it. What if you do kill yourself but have regret about it on the other side? Ive channeled spirits before and they have said they have regrets. You know like unfinished business.

Yes but im scared of the future.

Ask me about death. My dad just died and I've been doing a thousand things a day to arrange funeral for him (and deal with family drama), and ours didn't even include burial. We're taking the urn right home. So far we've spent over $6000 already, and eventually I need to buy him a plot which can easily cost over $10000. It' so much trouble and expense. You don't want to do that to your family, do you?

If I have to choose homelessness and death I would choose to find whatever work I can get, and share a tiny flat with friends. I grew up in a slum. I know how to live as cheaply as possible, maybe even cheerfully. Don't romanticize death. As long as you have life you have hope and opportunities, but all the dead are the same, no hope, or joy, ever again, until the Earth dies, till all the stars are gone, until the last black hole evaporated and the Universe dies. They just stay, dead forever. I guess I should mention we're atheists. My dad was an aspie. He worked continuously for 47 years and was very successful. He was smart, but even more hardworking and determined. Not all aspies need to live a substandard life. If you would just step out and do anything, you will break the negative thought loop in your head. I was very depressed and I trained my brain to put away the negative thoughts. If you really can't shift your mind why not write some sad sad poetry, song lyrics, tear-jerking stories. Depression stuff can sell like crazy. I wrote a lot of stories when I was depressed.

I hope you are feeling a bit better. I think most of us on here struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. I know when I get dark I have a couple of things I try and do and that's I drag myself to a beautiful garden and always see a flower/plant I have never seen before and try and get the wonder of life back... it's the loneliness that gets to me but I tell myself no matter how bad it feels I always get through it...and I usually have a good laugh with someone unexpectedly too, even if it is about the irony of life. My daughter once said mood follows action and even if it's forcing yourself when you get sick of your own company to go for a walk at least that's a small step in the right direction. I do think that life is mostly a bit s**t with some good bits... the struggle is real and Ive wanted to give up often but haven't. I liked this list - from an aspie that has known difficult times too.
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A% ... 2jQBQEXhUw

I agree with you but I cannot say logically for sure as I don’t know what it wd be like to be dead.
But emotionally I agree with you and there are days n times that is all that makes it seem worth living. That you are that much closer to death

I agree with u
but it does not mean it is the right thing to mull over

as it becomes v unhealthy perseverance that leads to nothing

But good on you for at least writing it all out