Bipolar/Aspergers support and chat thread

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I was diagnosed with bipolar as a young ish teen. I didn't learn about my autism untill recently as an adult. This might be because we had to work on me becoming stable and the confusion my adhd combined with these issues caused as well.
I have spent a good bit of time in hospital for mania, psychosis, med changes and even more stigmatized treatments.
Now that i am stable on medication we can work on things like adhd with meds and understanding autism. Being bipolar has really set me behind when it comes to dealing with and understanding autism.
I also on disability and can not work. This makes me feel kind of useless but i need the help to afford my medication which i must be on due to my bipolar history. Bipolar and autism together certainly is a challenge. I hope i can stay stable for a while and learn more about autism.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder before I was diagnosed with Autism. My Bipolar diagnosis came at the age of 7, due to my family history (paternal grandmother, paternal uncle) and my behavioral symptoms. I was prescribed Abilify early, but it did not enable me to regulate my moods as much as everyone had anticipated it would. I was first hospitalized at the age of 7 and have been hospitalized for aggression about 3 times since. What I really wished for was compassion and understanding from the adults in my life, but nobody veritably comprehended this. It was tragic, really.

Currently, I am on trazodone and ziprasidone, but they are not quite as sufficient for my depression and manic symptoms, especially aggression. I am considering asking my psychiatrist to commence adding a mood-stabilizing treatment during my next appointment. The issue is that Autism causes it to be challenging to maintain emotional regulation in real-life circumstances, and it's a lot easier for me to lose my cool during heated discussions or perceived insults. The other issue with Autism is that now that my attachment style has settled into fearful-avoidant, I harbor even more difficulty socializing, and attempting to understand and emulate neurotypical speaking styles without sounding like a dry texter or making things awkward, which contributes even further to my fearful avoidance.

I also do not believe I can have a job yet, as my medications have caused major recollection tribulations, my moods are still somewhat unstable, and I am able to become highly aggressive. I am literally only able to work if I am around a trusted person, such as if a trusted relative is allowed to work closely with me... and, even then, that is not a guarantee, especially in the state I reside in, in which the treatment of people with psychiatric disabilities is horrid.

At age 29 (year 2025) I got my Bipolar type II diagnosis, which for the last ten years had been diagnosed on me, as ADHD and hence medicated as such, which had caused problems.
Also with high functioning autism this makes my matter even more difficult, this diagnosis was officially put last year (2024).

Depression isn´t my main problem since I take Bupropion and it helps. Sleep isn´t either since I take Melatonin and it helps. For hypomania there is no cure, no medication that I will take despite others doing so.

However, I am glad of who I´ve become and looks forward to become even a better person.
My goals is to study at the best university in Sweden and at a program of high quality to learn about IT and systemscience. For this I think autism is a great benefit and bipolar helps in keeping my energi high. That in turn, makes me workout a lot, which in turn, releases a lot of energy in a good way!

Yes, life has been difficult to live.

I´ve lost most friends, my first and only job and I´ve got enemies. Now even my daughters mother refuses to let me visit my kid, just because I called her mother a bad word (im innocent).

Yes I have suffered and yes I will still suffer. However I keep pushing forward and that´s it.