Ever feel like you're manipulating people?

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ok I know how stupid this is going to sound, but ever since I started to be remotely succesful in the social field I've been feeling totally wrong. like knowing which buttons to push to get a result was making me some kind of manipulative puppet-master.

and it's not really that big a succes, I started a new job a few months ago and managed not to estrange too many people, and recently I even noticed some straightforward and deliberate friendly actions directed at me. I've been trying really hard to follow all the "social rules" and to implement all the theory that I've ever learned, and looks like it's starting to pay off.

but I can't just damn relax and enjoy it. I actually feel guilty, like I'm lying to those people and deceiving them about the way I really am.

I guess for NTs it's normal to do action A and expect action B in return, like exchanging gifts and ritual stuff like that. in my case, it was usually chaotic and always ending in fail, maybe I'm just not used to positve outcome at all?

this is really annoying as I realise all too well how stupid that is and that things just never seem to get better no matter what I do, for stupid mental f****d up reasons like that.

anyone has any suggestions?

I've never shook the feeling; just gotten used to it. I think we don't have much choice but to feel this way. Others have this ability to instinctually know what to do. We do not, so we must make it a contrivance.

I tell myself: You're like a bird born without wings who is using mechanical wings to fly with the flock. Be wary of flying too close, or they might notice your differences.

Don't feel too guilty, though. Everyone manipulates whether they are aware of it or not. This manipulation is a tool like any other. As you get better at it, you will find you can use it for good or for evil. Don't fall to the Dark Side

I have been manipulated by a friend. Yet she doesn't want people doing it to her. To her, manipulating her is anything other than playing by her rules and being totally submissive to her. The rule is basically "Whatever she says goes".

I do feel this way, including with my parents. When I feel guilty is when people try to become a close friend, I just see the whole process as an open wound, I can see their intentions, which I guess is normal, but they disgust me so I stay away, so I feel guilty since they probably must feel rejected. But as soon as they stop trying to be so close to me I become friendly and happy again, just to let them know that's the distance I want them to be, hence I have no best friend.

I've kind of noticed how people are really manipultive anyway, that's how I see things. So nothing wrong with manipulating the manipulators.
I don't feel guilty, I feel more like an imposture, socially paronoid, which is kind of lonely.

When I'm alone I can be myself which is less lonely.

I definitely share this trait. It's because, in the end, my way of being social is fundamentally dishonest. If I was being completely straight with people I'd say that I don't always want to go out and do stuff, that I didn't have a great time at the bar, that I'm not really interested in their recent escapades. But being a little dishonest is the only way to get a good reaction most of the time.

I think i know what you mean. It's like you're in another world where some senses are more clear to you. This happens to me all the time...its as if I am watching what is happening in front of me through a fictional screen. I don't know if this is similar to your point. Whenever I try (really hard) to actively engage in social interactions I feel like I'm playing a part, living a lie. -_-

I think it really surprises me that it actually works. I'm just not used to getting positive feedback from people, I think that's why I see it as manipulation when in fact it's just the social give and take.

so I guess maybe the problem boils down to getting used to this change...

Sing it!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrs8CgpH980[/youtube]

♫ Like a puppet on a strrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnggggg! ♫

For Pete's sake Operative Cornflakes, plull yourself together. Don't get sloppy now, the objective is to infatuate through assimilation.

Make sure you remember to remove your night vision goggles when out in public. With 20+ hours field recognisance mistakes like that can happen. Unfortunately you will be dispensed if they do.