Envious of Neurotypicals

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I suppose this post is more of a rant to let off some steam, there isn't any real question or premise to this post except for my observations and personal feelings.

I've had to deal with neurotypicals all the time, like I'm sure everyone else who is autistic on here has. My family is neurotypical, and my co-workers at work are neurotypical as well. I often see how they behave and act, and I find them to be very interesting. There capacity for emotional expression is astonishing, and in the same manner they can be nice and friendly, they just as quickly can be mean and hateful.

I've had good and bad experiences with neurotypicals. At their best, they can be a lot of fun to be around and easy to get along with. At their worse, they can be extremely arrogant, hateful, confrontational, and sometimes openly malicious (as in trying to start fights, vandalizing property, etc.).

I see myself as a truly autistic in manner and behavior. Autism may be defined medically as a neurological disorder that impairs social development, communication, and understanding of emotions; but I certainly consider it more than that. I believe that most high-functioning aspies and other slightly autistic people behave in a certain way. I believe that they tend to be very passive, very intelligent and capable of impressive feats of memorization of facts and figures, and are of course introverts due to their condition (yes, I do consider it a condition, even a disease). I also believe many aspies are frustrated with their condition and find it difficult to "fit in" with the normal characteristics attributed to neurotypicals.

I myself am very passive, intelligent, and by now, more or less extroverted as well as introverted. My passiveness was something I never wanted, it is in my blood unfortunately, like my father before me, who I am sure is slightly autistic as well. I don't mind being autistic, my capacity for knowledge and wisdom is a wonderful asset. However, I often feel like a pushover because I am so passive, which I consider a curse brought upon by being autistic. Whenever I confrontational situation, or with something of a foreign and unknown nature to me, I have a minor panic attack, that makes me feel weak and vulnerable for a period of time until my system calms down.

This happens EVERY f*****g time! I end up retreating like a scared little b***h with my tail tucked between my legs. Later on, I get extremely embarrassed and furious because I acted like a coward instead of being tough and combative, like I feel I should have. It is humiliating to be passive, it is synonymous with being a pushover, with being weak, with being non-assertive. I envy every neurotypical, I ENVY the fact that they have emotional understanding of one another, I ENVY the fact that they have the capacity of anger and hatred, I ENVY the fact that they can BE assertive and aggressive in the same manner they can be nice and friendly! Why is it that WE have to deal with being the passive, quiet pushovers, devoid of the full emotional capability of our neurotypical brethren?

For anyone who is neurotypical who is reading this, you don't have a SINGLE clue how lucky you are! Not a single clue whatsoever! You've got it made, you were given a full deck with the rest of us are missing a card. Being autistic has benefits, but when it sucks, boy does it suck like no other!

Being passive is a personality trait, i don't think it has much to do with autism. Many of my problems with holding jobs and whatnot, are actually caused by me being the opposite of passive. When a confrontation happens, people usually wish they hadn't of started crap with me and most people usually end up backing down. I made a customer cry at my last work place

I can understand the being envious, it's always greener on the other side, but you shouldn't be envious of NT's, you should be envious of people who have the traits you wish you had.

The grass is always greener but I can feel you about this. Especially in a world where we're at a huge disadvantage
Earth is sorta going through teen years cares a little more about wearing pretty clothes than efficiency.

Just wait till her late 20s and she'll go through the I've been a jerk phase.

Everything works in cycles even life and death such as when an old tree dies its nutrients are used to feed the others left behind

I too relate to this on many levels. It's frustrating even for neurotypicals just to confront and stand up to people especially in schools and work places but even worse when you're on the autstic spectrum. Not that I'm saying the grass is greener but the everyday world is just as hard as it is.

It's even more frustrating as I'm not the facts and figures type. I use most of my creative part of the brain which makes it even harder to get a job. Even when it does involve creativity, there's this pressure to be hypersocial. At least that's been my experience.

I would say part of my being passive isn't so much avoidance as it's mostly due to my poor social skills. Whenever I try and be upfront, I lose my train of thinking and have trouble putting words together that make sense to the other person. No matter how much I brainstorm....I can't ever find the proper words and correct answeres especially when it involves describing my feelings about each experience or persons. This is part of the reason why I think my anxiety is so bad, I feel like I'm constantly on survival mode while most people sit back, relax, and are able to communicate and react to eachother's jokes and conversations. I feel like there's a part of me missing since I'm not exactly the loner type and have all these thoughts and feelings but issues with communicating them.

I envy NT's ability to tell stories with energetic gestures and facial expressions. My attempts to tell stories and jokes always end up being a dud. I'll say things in the wrong order, forget parts, and just plain can't deliver. I feel like I have plenty interesting to say but I just can't get it to come out right. NT's are just more entertaining than I am.

My main consolation is that most NT's aren't as smart or insightful as I am. They can be entertaining in their delivery but they aren't particularly original in their thinking.

I know what you are saying. I think Aspie guys got the short end of the stick when it comes to this. Aspie women fair better, because society doesn't look down on them as much for being passive, like they do men. Just look at it this way though, there are many NT's that are passive as well. I have known several myself, and they get rejected, used, and stepped on, just as much as the guys on here do. All NT personalities aren't as great as you think they are either, just look at all of the problems in the world today, and look at who caused most of it.

Lab Pet doesn't have the emotion jealousy, but I do know what you are saying....having to live & work amongst NTs can be perplexing. But they are curious, yes? Quite neutral about NT (or not) but I do observe & NTs can be just plain nonsensical at times.

I am cognizant NTs are extraordinary at their 'mind-reading' abilities so my lacking really does show. But there are benefits the other way too.

AutisticMalcontent: For what this counts; I really don't perceive you as passive at all! In fact, you must be strong to be amongst those who can be hostile (to you) sometimes and for recuperating after that meltdown/panic attack - a lot of people couldn't do that. I'm meltdown prone too so I know how hard it is afterward....sigh.

Recently I SCREAMED in the hallway, then fainted, since there was a fire drill which badly hurts my senses and feels disorienting. I laid outside, curled up, and cried. No one did anything, but they watched. That's hard. And they really don't care.

im sometimes very envious on NTs, i cant even do my own hair, feed myself, cant even always dress myself, sometimes i wish i had the same ability as them but sorry mini rant. Actually had a longer post deleted it, i noticed ive been ranting/venting on other peoples posts, so i edited and shorted my post, and apologize for that, hope u understand anautisticmind. Either way i hope u have a better day tommororw!

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

Why would I be jealous of the members of mainstream society. I filter them out, and seek out the Mods, hippies and punk rockers. My best friend's a Mod.

If it's any consolation, not all non-autistics are socially adept. For me, it's easy to forget that someone who isn't autistic doesn't necessarily read another's emotions perfectly all the time. Those social skills are only 50% inherent, and the other 50% is taught and learned, accompanied by a great deal of trial and error in their experiences, which is where corrections from parents and other elders or peers come in. And quite a lot of non-autistics may have been loners or reclusive eccentrics or just very shy, and therefore not very comfortable in social situations, despite not having an autistic mind.