Can't talk to the opposite sex...

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Ah...

I can't talk to the opposite sex. I can't talk to women. At all. I don't know what it is, but every time I try to, my tounge gets tied, even if it's just friendly conversation, I just can't.

And I really want to get a girlfriend, or at least spark a relationship of some sort, but I can't.

Anyone got some suggestions for what to do? Like, how do I start a conversation?

Here's something to think about; instead of trying to get a "girlfriend" why dont you first try to get a few "girl friends"?

Confused? Dont be...

If you're so determined to get a girlfriend, you're likely going to just keep making a fool of yourself and then get discouraged. Believe me, I've done it. Instead try to make friends with a few girls. I will help you learn to socialize with women, and they'll invite you to hang out with them and their other female friends. Now instead of having to appraoch a girl and introduce yourself, your "girl friends" are introducing you for them. The other girls will see you with these girls and instinctively become more interested. You never know, they may even hook you up with a friend of theirs!

Thats just my advice, take it with a grain of salt.

Yeah, that'd work, but how do I start a preliminary friendship to begin with? I'm not exactly the best conversation starter.

I have the same problem, I never know what to talk about. I'm looking for friendships as opposed to relationships with females, but I fear that if I start talking to them suddenly, they might think I'm trying to chat them up when in truth, I just don't feel threatened by them and would like to get to know them. I know this won't help you, just needed to vent a bit

Would it be easyer to talk online to girls for you? Like chatting or e-mailing or even through posting in the threads here? If so, that way you can practice.

Also it is a lot easyer to talk to someone who has a mutual interest. So you could try to join a club (sports or some hobby club). Then there will even be situations where you are more or less forced to talk I understand that joining a club might not be a thing you desire to do, but if you want to "break through the barrier" it really can help a lot.

I had the same problem until I was 18 or so, then very slowly but surely it became easyer by practicing a lot. It was quite ridiculous because I had four sisters, which also took friends to our home of course, but somehow it still seemed like I would never get used to being around and talking to girls.

I always look for friends first then if something happens it happens. If you chat online don't just do that and not talk in person. Big no no. Same the opposite way if she wants to talk online.

From a Female prespective, I find it very hard to talk to Men. I think that my situation might be a little different, though. I've been mentally and emotionally hurt by any guy that I've tried to get involved with. Now I can't allow myself to get close to anybody. My body tightens, I start to shake, my Blood runs cold and I feel as though I'm being judged, or examined with a Microscope. I've had to break it off with a few guys, because I have an inability to form an intimate Bond. I feel guilty, every time it happens, as well. Maybe I'm better off alone. I know I'm Canadain, but it must be a British thing. My ethnic DNA is pretty strong.

Find something you two have common ground on. Just remember to note that when you talk, don't do all the conversing. Let her have her 2 cents too. That's one problem I know I have, and it really kills me when I know I've said too much.

One thing I wanted to add to this convo, is that I find that girls, after you get them comfortable around you, will do all the talking. All you have to do is start it off, find out their interests, and act like you're interested in them too (and no I dont mean lie and say you're into that activity as well, just say you find it really interesting and want to learn more about it). Next thing you know, you'll never be able to get them to shut up

You might find it easier to talk to women you don't find physically attractive (you might eventually find them attractive once you get to know them, though) or women who are so physically attractive that you consider them to be "out of your league" (as the NTs would say). You can start with brief conversations with them and work your way up from there until all the social anxiety against approaching and conversing with women is gone. It's all a matter of gentle habituation to the anxiety-inducing stimulus (using behavioralist terminology).

Isnt it funny how someone we initially find not to be attractive can later become gorgeous in your mind? I've had it happen many times, and it just goes to show that love is blind, looks dont matter in the end, but they sure help you get your foot in the door.

i can never seem to talk to the same sex. i just don't know what to talk about. what are you supposed to say???

Hmm, I don't know. I've never gotten that far in a relationship with a woman before.

One thing that you should remember when dealing with women, is that they can be like slippery soap. Think of yourself in a shower holding a wet bar of soap. If you grab on to the soap to hard it will slip away, but if you hold it and support it without a lot of pressure on it, it will stay with you.*

I just found out that I might have asperger syndrome yesterday and after reading about it kind of makes senses. Personally I have been threw multiple relationship where one person (or idea) was my focus. And when I begain to focus to hard on the relationship they got more distant.

So my advice to you is don’t think so hard about wanting a girlfriend, because if you do that women see that and think that you are desperate and women are turned off by that. I have girls in the past tell me that I “try to hard”.

The thing is if I didn't focus so much on getting into a realtionship with her, I would proabley be in a realtionship with her now.

Women (or at lest the women that you should date) tend to like you for who you are, so just be yourself and talk. You'll find somebody

*For any women reading this when I say that women are like soap I do not mean it in a degrading way.

brybenj - I agree with your post in every way. Everytime I've actually had a girl, and things have been going well, I'd think the next logical step would be to "secure" her. By that I mean, make things official. Everytime I've tried to do that, it was the beginning of the end.

Lately my strategy is this: dont talk about the relationship. Dont talk about where its going, where its at, or what it should be. Dont talk about your feelings. And for god's sake dont talk about marriage or kids or anything like that.

Everytime I've done any of the above, I've derailed the relationship. This time I will let her bring up all of those topics, when she is ready. And I'll do my best to act as if I havent even thought about those things.

I don’t know if you are an AS girl or an NT but both have the social skills advantages over AS male. If you haven’t already done so, then read up about man and woman differences or talk some NTs about how you feel. It seems your problem are Not down to a lack of social skill towards the opposite sex, unlike me.

If you are living in London, like me, then go on a London flirting seminar the one advertised on in the Money Program.