Fretting again about losing my friend...

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It is rare that I form close friendships...i am not even that close to most of the people that I am close to...but I managed to form a close bond with my very ASish friend..who is also my "secondary" partner...We have always had the understanding that we have an open relationship because I have my main partner who I run businesses with...but I am emotionally dependent on having him as a friend and am rather fixated on him
...He gets obsessed with other girls...and I give him advice on how to approach them because he is ASish and very shy (even though I don't know the first thing about it..I am just the only one around to give him advice)...and i think he is making progress with one he has been fixated on for a while...and I am happy for him...because I don't want him to be alone all the time....but I worry that once he succeeds in dating this girl, that he won't want to have anything more to do with me...even just as a friend....and I can't stop being sad about it....I know it is illogical to be sad about things that haven't even happened yet...but I am having a hard time making the sadness go away.
This happens to me a lot.

I can relate.

I had a very close friend who I tried unsuccessfully to pursue romantically, but tried to stay friends with. She ran off with another guy, and refused to be my friend anymore. She didn't tell me directly, I only found out through her MySpace. So I somehow interpreted her keeping it a secret from me as the possibility that maybe I still had a chance. But she had blocked me from IM and stopped answering my e-mails. Since she wouldn't tell me anything, I asked a friend, one I knew I could trust, to e-mail her to let me know what was going on. Instead of apologizing to me, she was angry and making it look like I was some sort of crazed, obsessed stalker, and even threatened to take legal action against me if I so much as sent her one more e-mail.

I was simply wanting to know why she wasn't answering my e-mails. I meant absolutely no bad intent whatsoever.

Maybe your feelings for this person run deeper than you realize It's hard for me to advise on that kind of situation, because I can't start/maintain a relationship with 1 person, let alone 2.

It was a weird set of circumstances that led me to being polyamorous..

Anyway....I beleive in non-authoritarian relationships...I am stupid to think that after years of friendship and whatnot..he would discard me for some statuesque girl he has never even spoken to...

Anywhoo...I hate having the emotions of a little kid...and incredibly rotten Theory of Mind

I am aware that I have posted many identical threads just like this one.

I once again, need to snap out of it.

Maybe you're a little depressed. I'm going through a mini depression right now and everything about my life seems crappy to me, except for my son and right now I'm feeling that I'm doing him a disservice presuming to be his parent. What I mean is maybe that is what is leading you to think insecure thoughts about an old friend. A therapist once told me she makes it a practice not to worry about anything until she knew for a fact it was a problem. That's probably good advice if you can manage it. It'll never come naturally to me.

Yeah...it will never come naturally to me either..

Neither will riding in cars without fear...

I feel like the little kid who cries every time someone plays the "got yer nose" game..

And I have been going through a depression...sometimes they creep up on ye without the slightest warning..

I know what triggered mine; I hired a math tutor for my son. We go to her house. Her very large expensive house. I was sitting in the living room and saw an old picture of her and recognized her as the uber popular beauty queen in my high school. Of course she didn't remember me-I didn't exist to those in her social strata. Anyway I was just so aware of how unkempt both myself and my son were and the bomb I drive outside. She was one of those never a hair out of place ones. She's a perfectly pleasant person, but I don't think you could be any more NT. It's just a form of self torture but that's what I've been doing to myself since last Wednesday, beating myself with the loser whip. I look about 10-15 years younger which is a small consolation. The funny thing is I don't even know if I want what she has. I was just so keenly aware of what I haven't been able to do. It'll pass.sigh.

A few months ago, my best friend started dating a girl we were both friends with, and I was paranoid that she would get jealous of my friendship with her boyfriend, and he would have to stop being my best friend. Well, she DID get jealous...and they broke up. There were a lot of contributing factors to the break-up, and it seems I was unintentionally one of them. After the girl took herself out of our life, I told my friend that I had been worried that he would choose her instead of me, but he said that that could never happen.

The moral of the story is that I was worried for nothing. I'm kind of sad that I thought the girl was my friend, but it turns out she pretty much hated me and only spoke to me because she thought she had to. But at the end of the day, I still have my best friend.

I guess one of the reasons I am paranoid is because I did lose a very good friend that way...There were times when I was really low and he was my only friend....We both went in different directions, but still hung out once in a while.....and then he got a girlfriend...who got pregnant pretty quickly thereafter...and they had a kid.....For a while, when she was still expecting I got to go and visit them...and I got to meet his son when he was an infant....then, all of a sudden, I completely lost contact with him....I ran into him years later...and got to talk to him and he explained that she was really jealous and blah blah blah....I have a feeling i might have somehow offended her with my really bad social skills.

I might have been triggered by stuff my friend said jokingly that I took literally again...this is prone to happen with me.
I even teared up when he joked about going and joining the French Foreign Legion (I am such an r-word)
But I think I might have been mainly frizzlefrazzled because I am stressed out and have been taking ADDerall..which makes my emotions more intense.

This is really hard to type out because of my alexithymia, but I feel with you. I hope it'll turn out to be ok. with you, nevertheless.