having aspergers and being a father of 3

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my kid are my world
without them i fall apart
just like right now
my partner and i have just seperated
im lost
my kids are everything
and i cant do it right now
i love my kid and partner so much
we we're gonna get married in november
and now it aint happening because i cant cope with the small things
she still loves me
still wants to be with me
but cant live with me
and now im really lost
they routine ive worked hard to try and get in place so i can cope is broken
and i dunno how to fix it
i've only just found out i've got asperger in the last few months
i've always known i was a bit different to everyone else
seen things differently
socially awkward
unable to make friends or talk to people
i know i need help, i just dont know how to get it
i go to walk into somewhere and frezze
and end up running home
i misss my family so much
their all i have
with out them here i dont know what to do
i know theres things im ment to do, but its alll blank
the only thing i can do without thinking is stuff to do with computers
its my obssesion/passion/focus/escape
its the little things that count, and its the little things i cant cope with
anyone know of a way i can fix this?
im lost

You'll find a way, don't worry, you will all find a way to go through the rough times.

That's what happens to aspie fathers and their children.

Because of scumbags like Tony Attwood and his groupie trash worshipers.

He's a hero around here.

edit: still trying to fix up my mistakes!lol(hope i got this one rite!! !)

dunno who tony attwood is, but i already dislike his ideas and theories, lol
i know ill make it through
just hard at times
mind racing at a mile a minute
analyzing, discarding, analyzing,etc,etc,etc
not good for the head
im looking forward to the weekend at least
get to have my kids over
there mum is.... cant think of the words
but without her i wouldnt be half the person i am
id be the crazy guy that lives out in the forest,lol
gotta try to find things to make me laugh
release the tension

My advice:

First:
Let you partner read what you have just posted.

Second:
Work together to help you come up with coping strategies. Figure out why each "little thing" is hard to cope with and deal with them on a one by one basis.

A relationship is all about compromise, work it out together.

holy crap
why didnt i think of that!! !
lol
sorry but i cant help but laugh now, i post a msg on here that should of sent to her!!
no wonder i miss so much stuff!
thank u!! !
i would never have though of showing her this
might be a way for her to at least understand a little of where im coming from
thank u again!! !
its like ive been stuck by lightning!! lol

Take the Attwood comment and do your own research. I'm as Aspie and I really like the guy, so does my ex-husband (also Aspie) and what we've learned from him has helped us work with our son (*ding ding ding* Aspie too. Shocker eh? ) and made the road to parenting much easier and enjoyable. I've had the pleasure to hang out with him in a social setting and he's hilarious. So don't write him off completely.

As for the other stuff, yeah, show her what you wrote. It's still early days for you. Learning about your dx and it takes awhile to figure out how you can take new information and fit it into your life. I would suggest counselling. Someone who is well versed in ASD would be best. But remember that sometimes you have to shop around. If a counsellor isn't the right fit for both of you, then keep looking. People tend to complain about them around here, but there are good ones out there. Sometimes it just takes some work.

Good luck to you.

my 5 year old son has autisum
no speach really
only just bearly toilet trained
sleept in a cot untill our youngest was born(shes 1)
my sisters oldest has aspergers as well
we're pretty sure my dad had it to, was brilliant with his hands, making things
but was next to useless at everything else, and had no social skills
i've had no real trouble with tellin how ym son is feeling and understanding why he gets upset
its one of the few things that are very clear to me, so when he does get upset i can manage to calm him pretty quickly, ive just gotta work out how to do that with myself
im googleing tony attwood rite now, gonna have a bit of a read
but in genral i dont like people at all
i love my partner and my kids, but thats about it
if i have too many interactions with anyone else i tend to have meltdowns
the best way i can discibe it(my spelling is bad) clostrophobia but with people insted of small spaces
my partner is from a big family and they are really good people
but when we go visit her parents i go into shutdown mode coz they live in the middle of the city, and all those people there make me feel like im being crushed in a vice
it aint fun, and i dont visit them very often, but sometimes i take a chance and see if i can cope
most times while im there im fine
but when i get home i zone into my computers/books/videogame and im a zombie for around 2 weeks, its the only way i can go see them without flipinout it sux
and its not fair on my partner or our kids
so as u can guess i dont go out much, and when i do im pretty quick
get in, get whats needed, run like hell!! !! !! !! !! !!
i try to turn it into a game sometimes, try not to let too many people see me, lol, kinda stupid when you have to pay bills or buy food, but it makes it a bit easyer
sorry started to ramble, lol, just typing what i think, good thing i can type faster then i can talk i guess, lol

that claustrophobia, but with people I just tell people I have a really big personal bubble. Some times I can FEEL people like they were touching me from over 10 feet away.

Yes, medical stuff does tend to run in families. It takes me a while to cope after social things too, but I love them. It just takes a LOT out of me.

tony attwood is a schmuck who glorfiies autism (especially Aspergers) for his own personal gain. he is one of the main reasons the condition has become so generalised and over diagnosed, he pinned and hyped it as the 'new A.D.D.'. he is a cult leader. his clinic minds and hearts got money for diagnosing people with AS (i heard), and so they handed it out like free samples at a shopping centre to anyone who had trouble 'fitting in'. it's a sad state of affairs. he is now renowned around the globe for all his good work in the field of AS, such a joke.

My partner & I had many of the same problems. We split up 3 or 4 times. After many problems at her work a co worker suggested she get tested for AS. She was, she is, and she started on anti-anixety meds. It saved our relationship and has changed her entire life. She no longer is stressed and hurting (from sensory issues) all the time. She is like a new woman. It's like the storm has broke & the sun has come out for her for the first time in her life. She can now function, work, and deal with all of the things that life throws her way. I'm very proud of her and the way she has accepted her AS and how she is handleing life now.

She still has some AS issues, but we can work together to tackle them in a positive way. She doesn't like big crowds either. I accept that & don't make her go to places that will stress her out. Likewise, she understands that sometimes I do like to go where there will be a lot of chaos & people (a sporting event, for example), she understands and has no problem w/me going alone. Likewise w/family events. My family now knows about her AS & has been very understanding when it comes to making her feel comfortable.

It must be a two way street. Your partner must accept your AS & try & work with you on it. Likewise, you must accept your AS & understand that sometime you're going to be a difficult pain in the ass and if you don't make some effort to lighten up a bit that you may well end up alone. You both have to give.

Calis1981. I noticed in the other thread that you have never held a job. IMO, that may be a huge part of this problem. Women like for a man to be productive & to be able to provide for their families. It makes them feel secure. She may feel that she is doing all of the heavy lifting & you are not contributing equally in your partnership.

If I may ask, how do you survive without having a job? I am not asking to be a jerk or to make you feel uncomfortable, I am just curious how you do it. IMO it may be a big part of what is going on here. If your girlfriend is out working & she comes home & you have been dicking around w/video games all day I could see why that would upset her.

Could I have said it in a kinder, gentler way? Maybe. Was anything that I posted untrue? I don't think so. Beating around the bush isn't going to help his situation here.

I was just making a point. Bluntness and insensitivity are not exclusively Aspie traits and you, Granatelli, are proof of that!