Extreme Rages

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I have recently found myself a victim to immense buildups of rage more severe than I have ever experienced.

There are a few negative things in my life, namely total social isolation and some very noisy and selfish women moved into the apt above me who often shout and talk loudly until gone 2am.

But it is like, I don't know, at times it is like something else takes over. Sometimes I have thoughts/voices in my head saying highly negative things to me, telling me I am a worthless slut, that I should just kill myself and the like. That has happened about 3 times in the last week to the point I cant shut it out.

If i think or say anything bad or that I would consider nasty... if I get angry at all at anyone else, I end up taking it out on myself, punching myself in the head and face. I have also started biting myself to the point I sometimes draw blood, out of pure rage and maybe frustration?

It is always worse when I have been out and about in town etc. I did wonder if it is something to do with my social isolation ( I really have no one to talk to or turn to in real life or on the net) building up frustration, but I didnt think it was affecting me that badly.

I have also wondered if it could be the number of occasions I have punched myself in the head affecting my brain chemistry or something?

I really don't like seeing doctors and shrinks, as the last time I simply stopped going...they never seem to listen to any opinion but their own.

It is scary because it is almost totally impossible to control, the anger and hate is so immense. I have smashed chairs, made holes in my walls from banging my head against them and felt incredibly aggressive towards other people. especially the stupid bints living above me now.

Has anyone else ever experienced this degree of rage and lack of control over it?

Please no nasty comments, I find it really hard to post about personal things in my life these days as it is.

I'm sorry your going through this. I did go through this and i am still going through some of the issues. I had to stop because i gave myself 2 black eyes.

I had this problem because i hated myself and i felt everything i did was wrong and i only hurt those around me. So i got angry and took it out on myself. I hit myself pulled my hair and also bit myself as you describe. i even took to bashing my head against things.

All of this was done to punish myself for things i "thought" i had done wrong and i "thought" were my fault. the truth is they were not but i had so much negative self talk i couldn't believe others when they assured me i was a good person.

I also hurt myself because i was angry with the way certain people were treating me. i had no control over how they treated me and i had no way of avoiding them so i got pissed at them.

I felt i was a bad person for hateing them and wishing bad things on them so i hit myself. sort of to punish myself for wanting the hit them .

I felt i was a horrible person for wanting to hit them. the thing that makes me a good person is the fact that even though i wanted to hit them, i would never. even thought they often did hit me.

Thoughts do not make you a bad person.

The turning point for me was when i saw a you tube video that explained this is all caused from regret.

when you feel regret it causes guilt ,which causes self hate and self hate causes anger which causes regret again. so you have to forgive yourself. it is the only way to change and break the cycle your in.

Look at it this was it makes you a good person to forgive yourself. your actually helping others by forgiving yourself.

I think if you feel like any of this post resonates with you you should take this advice...

Forgive yourself!

You sound like a very nice wonderful caring person. your just to hard on yourself. just like i was, and sometimes still am. but if you tell yourself that its ok to make mistakes you will see these things, anger, self hate or self harm will slowly go away.

I'm sorry your having a hard time in life. and i hope your life gets better.

Well, if you're ever looking for a room in Maryland, I've had problems with past roommates hating me for being too quiet..

I have had to call the police.
the noise is just unbearable and they were in the hallway outside my door shouting and laughing, now they are shouting above me.
It is horrid, I want to scream and smash things, I almost went out there to shout at them to shut up but I am tooo scared as there are men there too.
I feel so powerless. Why are people so selfish and thoughtless?
The noise is making my heart palpitate

Thanks Lee

At this point nothing will block it out, such is the sheer volume of noise... including loud singing. I am struggling to hold it together and not go and smash their windows, to be honest. I am at breaking point. The noise has never been this bad nor this late, and I am unwell with the flu and cannot even go to bed because of it.

Being a saturday the police consider this low priority and wont get here until god knows when, once major incidents have been dealt with.
I feel as if I am nothing. I must be nothing if people can make this much noise and not give a damn about someone living below them.
it is a building that has plasterboard partition walls so I can hear everything.

I just am pacing and crying and holding my head and wanting to smash everything in the room, such is the distress at the moment.

I had wondered about whether you could call the police, but I did not want to mention that if to do so might add to your frustration. My wife and I used to have some very loud neighbors above us, and I had called the police about them more than once. Can you handle a little sarcastic humor? Smashing their windows might quiet them down for a bit as well as getting the police there a little sooner ... but no, please do not do that!!

If you want, I will sit here and chat back-and-forth with you for a while until things do get a bit more bearable for you there ...

Well they decided to start fighting up there very loudly and I just screamed and screamed and smashed my pictures in rage.
then i got scared in case they come down and try and get into my apt.
Nothing has been done, it is so unfair. I am so tired, I want so badly to sleep and I cant because nothing will block their noise out.
I am of the mindset that I would be happy if someone came and stabbed them all to death. such is my anger and distress. It is now 4.30 in the morning and I am coughing my guts out, I just want to be able to sleep. I have to go to london on monday and right now I just feel , yes, I have felt like smashing their windows, but if they are drunk, being a lone female, one never knows what they might do in retaliation.

I am just so distressed. the two women banging about and talking loud is one thing, but add two males shouting loudly, and banging about, things being thrown around, shrieking laughter, how can people be so F'ing selfish!!

Seems a cold Saturday night when everyone is bundled up at home is a time for *^*&(^ noise and rages. I totally sympathize and I hope the people upstairs die a miserable death, long, painful, but quiet. I think they got rid of their carpet and got hardwood flooring. Their ()*)(&* tv yap-voice beats like a drum.

However, please stop bashing yourself. Read up about self injury and learn to cope in a different manner. It's futile. I do understand the rage and impulses, but hurting yourself is no solution.

The noise level of the world seems designed for normies at best. I find it extremely hard to cope with at times.

Is there a hospital or trauma center nearby? If so, go there and tell the intake nurse you are ill and being kept awake by noisy neighbours and you would just like to sit in a quiet corner somewhere for a few hours.

To have this noise and be helpless to do anything about it...the police dont consider it worth bothering with, leaves me feeling utterly powerless. I want to sleep. I want a haven I can call home, somewhere I can sit quietly and feel safe. To not be able to have that is just torture for me.

I have called environmental health out of hours, and have to wait for them to call me tomorrow.
I called the police, but no sign of them yet.
and it is almost 5am.
This is the kind of thing that drives me to a point of irrationality where I want to do harm to others and myself.
It drives deeper the hatred I have been feeling lately for other humans, for their total lack of consideration.

I want so badly to sleep, Im so tired, but even the slightest noise can keep me awake, so I know it will be impossible under these circumstances. im so unhappy

the hospital is a while away and i dont drive.
It is almost 6am and I am exhausted. I wish I could punch their lights out, I really do. Why should they get away with this selfish and thoughtless behaviour?
Police havent come at all. Probably sat in their offices with paperwork and peace and quiet. The uk police are pretty useless.