"Just be yourself"?

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"Just be yourself". Isn't that the advice we're given all the time when we are looking for our significant other? "Just be yourself and sooner or later you'll meet that someone special." Or "Just be patient and you'll find that certain someone."

I would like to know how many people honestly believe that being yourself will get you a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Now, there are some exceptions where I believe being yourself might attract other potential members of the opposite sex. I think that if you're naturally extroverted and enjoy hanging around people, your chances of doing well romantically and finding that someone special is dramatically increased.

But what about introverts (which most of us are on here), who are more introspective than outspoken, and who naturally prefer being by themselves rather than being nervous and unsure of themselves in a group of people? By being themselves, their introverted nature is a DETRIMENT to their chances of meeting someone and being successful romantically. I reason that since introverts aren't as responsive in social situations as extroverts, their chances of are decreased because their introverted nature holds them back, whereas an extrovert has a lot more opportunities because they are willing to expose themselves more.

I honestly convinced now that "being yourself" isn't enough anymore. "Be yourself" is the advice your friends give you because they really don't how to help you. I think that in order for us introverts to do well romantically, we have to force our way through. We have to learn strategies on how to interact with the opposite sex through books, practice, and advice from people in relationships. We can't merely "be ourselves" and expect things to work out, probability is against us and our nature is even against us.

These are just my thoughts, do you guys feel the same way?

1) Be confident
2) Be yourself

You're an AS? Be an AS. Don't flaunt it but don't hide it either.. be yourself.

Be yourself. Has led me well through life, and now happily married.


M.

That's why dating sites were invented. Assuming you aren't too picky about looks, you can find a girl similar to yourself.

Oh at first I was NEVER myself. I was "THAT GIRL". You know, the whole socially, whatever else was involved in it it's been so long I can't remember. Then I would start letting little parts of myself show. Guy's sort of LIKED THAT. They LIKED the parts of me that would come out of that sugar coated window dressed THING they went out with. See, I look at it like bait and switch. People want one idea of something and if you look and act like it, then you get the chance to play the game. Playing the game involves slowly letting go of THAT and showing more of YOU. Sure, some of you might call me a fake or say I used dishonest tactics, but I've dated a lot of guys who I never would have If I hadn't done it that way, got to know them a LOT BETTER than I would have if I was like one of THOSE girls and some of them are still my friends to this day.

Also, bait and switch helps you do almost anything you want to do. I've done so much in my life so far of the things I want to do that I would truly be happy if I died now, with no "oh I wish I had done" stuff. There is still SOME yes, but not as much as there used to be.

PaganMom

I've been myself and single my whole life

Never be yourself. You want to be your BEST self.

Getting someone of the opposite sex is _easy_. Keeping them is harder.

'be yourself' is a bit simplistic. I think a better slogan would be 'show yourself' i.e people aren't going to see the real you if you hide away and don't open up to anyone. You have to actively show people the good side of you and try to minimise the bad bits.

I have been myself since my early teens and I still got a man. I don't think lot of men would want me because I would come off as cold and uncaring, no empathy, and I wouldn't be able to stand lot of touch and I like to be alone. But hey I would rather be myself and if the man doesn't like me, he can leave. But back when I was meeting men, lot of them liked me for who I was but in a relationship, things would have been different. I even warned my husband about me because of what I went through my last two.

My husband doesn't think any of this of me, he accepts me for who I am and knows I do care and have empathy.

So I do agree with being ourselves. If men or women don't like us, then they aren't right for us.

I think "Don't try to be something you're not" is another version of that advice, and one I understand better. It means don't show off, don't try to appear as if you don't have flaws, etc. It's tiresome to see that kind of behavior in others, and makes them look weak if the mask slips. So it's the big acts that are too be avoided, but not the minor ones like basic politeness, being friendly, responsive, etc. People who say "Be yourself" still assume you'll keep your social face on to some extent.

Anyway, it might be a bit naive of me, but I do think there are still people out there who find introverted types appealing, and trying to hide that could mean missing out on a partner who's really right for you.

actually, it's kind of funny. being introverted and a people-watcher attracted my fiancee to me. he's the social, talkative one. the day he walked up to me (we knew of each other before hand), he talked my ear off.

they say to be yourself. you really must keep a sense of self whilst in a relationship, otherwise you could lose yourself and the results of that are not so good. you know, because hopefully the individual's personality attracted his/her mate to him/her in the first place.

i think that may be right, though... showing your best self. i never thought about it like that before... hmm....

but, maybe that's why relationships ultimately fail. i mean, you've got a nice, shiny partner, and they are wonderful, artistic, smart, and a little while in you realize you are dating a monster. haha. or maybe you don't realize it until you're married. not you in particular, but anyone. so one sees all the great parts, but being able to put up with the not-so-great parts is important as well...

Damn it, every time I see a thread with this title, or something like it, I think of this wonderful little clip (from this).

Being extraverted doesn't necessarily mean much when it comes to dating; those with quirks can more easily put people off if they come on too strong, for example. More importantly, there's a big difference between natural introversion and insecure avoidance, and that needs to be considered. I personally love introversion, but I can't stand avoidant, insecure behaviour with anyone I'm intimate with, friends, family or mates.

Being yourself is what needs to happen if you want to attract someone for a long term relationship, otherwise, when things really get going, it's not as likely to continue for very long. If being yourself doesn't work, then it may be best to really take a closer look at yourself, your habits and behaviours (which may well be negative or unhealthy), and patterns in your attractions/who's being attracted to you. No one wants to walk into a relationship where they'll be saddled and strangled with someone's negative emotional baggage, which is a good idea--negativity can bring another person down no matter how much they love you.

TOS, a serious question: are you looking for reasons to fail? Any great thing in life, whether grand or person, was achieved through action, not through worry.


M.