Joining in group conversations...

Post Reply New Topic

Now, I do well with one on one conversations, the psych says too well for an ASD, but honestly that was after years of counseling.

Anyway, group conversations mystify me. I can't figure out when I can butt in or how to join the conversation. I always end up accidentally interrupting people, and I can't figure out when I can talk.

Also today, at a cousin's house with lots of people... I had a hard time maintaining people's attention... I would talk, then they would look away, then I would talk a little before realizing I should probably stop a minute, then they look back at me and make a face that I interpret as "Why did you stop talking?" or I'm probably reading them wrong.

I struggle with this too, and it gets proportionately worse the more people are involved. My job involves occasional informal group discussions, and I often find myself staying silent the whole time because I can't find an appropriate gap in the conversation to make my contribution. It can be very frustrating because on the occasions when I actually have a good idea or suggestion to bring up, and have planned out the best way to word it, I just can't find a place to insert it in the conversation. And then when an opportunity does come along, the subject has changed to something else entirely and whatever I wanted to say is no longer relevant. Either that or I delay so long that someone else just beats me to it.

I blame most of it on just generally being out of sync with the other participants. They speak the instant a thought comes into their heads, often interrupting the original speaker as soon as the basic meaning has come across, but because they're on the same wavelength the conversation just flows naturally. If I try to speak my thoughts like that I trip over my words, stutter, and generally fail to articulate myself, so I have to take a moment to plan out my line, then examine it to make sure it won't make me look stupid somehow, and then hold it in my head until I get a chance to say it.

I just bounce and move about, and I make hand motions. Might be rude, but then I get everyone's attention. In fact, now that I've typed that, it's a rather juvenile way to get the group to look at me, but it does work.

I'll have to try that sometime. Usuallly I just atempt to get a word in whenever I can and keep trying until someone actually shuts up long enough for me to form an entire sentance or until the topic changes, my success rate so far is about 50/50. It's rather frustrating.

If I am talking to one person and another person comes, it is as if the conversation I was involved in is now finished and the other two people are now having a conversation.

Regardless of how much I may try to say something I am usually unable to talk, and so give up and leave.

If I am in an organized meeting or in a group of people having a discussion I am almost always unable to talk unless I am giving a speech or unless I am directly and specifically asked to talk.

Often a group leader will specifically mention that I haven't said anything and ask me to talk.

Something that really confuses me is that sometimes when I am talking, another person will start talking, either to me or to the whole group. They will often start right in the middle of me saying a sentence, as if I hadn't been talking and they weren't interrupting.

.. when I haven't got my business hat on its seems I become invisible, i also refuse to acknowledge any accepted social group hierachy therefore the situation of group social conversation never occurs for me. Social groups after fifty years on this planet are a no go for me. .. gladly.

I dont really do group discussions. If I do accidenly get caugh up in one, I either stay quiet or talk to only one of the group. A bit antisocial I know but heck, I have to lip read to understand what people are saying so a group discussion is pretty much impossible! Then theres the noise issue because everyone gets louder and louder because they are trying to be heard. Drives my ears mad...

My psychiatrist told me people with ASD had 'no emotions' and that I didn't have it because I missed my granny who died. Translation, never believe what a shrink says...

Group conversations are hard for me also. I think you said it well. Maybe part of the problem is that there's too much to pay attention to -- with a one-on-one conversation, you only have to focus on one face, one bunch of words, one person's body language, and when you throw more people into the mix, things multiply because you're not only trying to decipher how these people are relating to you, but how they're relating to each other as well.

I'm the world's worst interrupter. I don't mean to be. i have this problem over the phone, too.

Yep.

Also on the phone, I am fine, I can figure out when to talk on the phone and with one other person. It's as if I learned that pretty well. It just gets confusing for me when it's a group.

Can relate to this a lot. It's a lot easier in one to one conversations, but I can never figure out when to 'jump into' group conversations, and when I do try I usually end up accidentally talking over someone which I don't like.