Weird And Funny Customer Stories-Share 'Em

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I work behind the counter/in the fields at a farm, and here are some of my favorite customer stories.

5. A woman walks in and asks for a tomato with no dents or green spots. I get her one, and she takes out a magnifying glass to examine it more closely.

4. A recurring and annoying customer walks in and asks my friend for 1 pound of beans. She keeps piling more on until there are .99 pounds of beans. She adds on one more bean and throws a fit because she now has 1.01 pounds of beans.

3. The same recurring customer walks in and asks another friend of mine to weigh her bag of beans. He weighs it and she asks him to reweigh it four times. On the fourth time, she throws a fit because the weight goes up by .01 pounds.

2. A guy walks in and visibly has a prosthetic arm. He keeps bumping it into things and eventually just pops it off, saying, "Hey, could you hold this for me? It kind of gets in the way."

1. I pick some tomatoes for this old guy, and when I give them to him, he holds one up, saying, "Hey, this tomato kind of looks like you!"

I work part-time as a deli clerk in a supermarket and I have the most interesting stories to share.

6) An old lady asks for thick slabs of London Broil. Knowing it would be excessive work to try and use the slicer, I take a cutting board, open a fresh new chub of London Broil and start slicing with a big knife, blood all over the table, cutting board, my arms and apron. I had my back turned and I heard someone at the counter, so I turned around with blood revealing, thinking it was the lady again. To my surprise it's a young mother with a 2-yr-old son and 9-month old. In a nervous tone I asked, "Can I help you?"
I think that moment was the day the 2-yr-old lost his innocence since his eyes were wide open and mouth agape in shock.

5) One night there's a customer with long blond hair who's got their back turned, looking at the cheese. 5 minutes later, upon reappearing I ask, "Can I help you, ma'am?" without looking up. To my horror it's actually a man. He apparently doesn't know I said so and just asks me in an excited boasting voice to slice some mozzerrella cheese. After finishing he returns with excitement and thanks me. After he's gone, a coworker and a produce clerk both come and ask, "Was that a man?"

4) A father and 4-yr-old daughter want some smoked turkey, so I go through the routine of setting up the turkey on the slicer and start. While I slice I hear:
Daughter: "Daddy, what is that guy doing?"
Dad: "Well, he slicing it up for us while we wait. You see, the spinning circle on his machine is a knife that cuts the meat so we can use the slices for sandwiches."
Daughter: "...How long does he do this?"
Dad: "Until his time back there is up."
Daughter (surprised and gasps): "Did he get in trouble with the police?!"
At this point I had to step away to conceal my laughing, while my coworkers overhearing burst into laughter.

3) This is my favorite customer; Nicky, a lady who's been paralyzed from the waist down and has no use of her fingers, so she gets around on an electric wheelchair; she's also a born-again Christian. I call her the "wheelchair lady", and she comes every Friday night for me to serve her a sandwich. The second time that I serve her, she asks me if I like my job. I reply with a yes, and then she replies out of the blue: "I know you do because you make my sandwiches with LOVE."

2) A 50-yr-old lady with a voice that should belong to a gold-digging prospector asks for me to decorate a cake. Conversation:
Me: "What kind of cake do you pre-"
Her: "Chocolate."
Me: "What is gonna be written on-"
Her: "Happy Birthday Mother, Grandma, and Isabelle."
Me: "...Okay... And what color would you lik-"
Her: "Whaddaya got?"
Me: "Well we have Carolina Blue--"
Her: "TAR HEELS! WHOOOO!!"
Me: "...I'll take that as a yes."

...She never picks up the cake.

1) The "wheelchair lady" returns the following week and orders the same sandwich, with the condiments on the side. Now this is the third time she's ordered from me again. This time she becomes extremely grateful for my 'hard work', she give me her bible. To this day I firmly believe that bible is cursed; after finally picking it up from work a few days later, it did untold damage to me for a few days, along the lines of dislocating my shoulder temporarily upon picking it up, driving my Ford into a mudhole, and waking up the next morning passed out. The bible still sits in my bookshelf. In case.

Ive worked a few jobs but I hope mine crack you up
My most recent job was at a Sonic drive in I was a maintainence man
1) I was plunging a toilet in the ladies room and some lady comes in and taps me on the shoulder and asks me if I have any ketchup

2) I had to unlock the bathroom door and the customer asked me before he went in if he could order from inside the bathroom
I told him he could try but theres no speaker and good luck trying to find a carhop to deliver

3) we had a loose table and my boss put yellow danger tape all over the table while I went to the hardware store to get more bolts. When I came back I was under it tightening bolts and some customer sat down and the entire table fell apart(the sign and tape was still on it)

I work at a public radio station, so we don't deal with customers as such.

But occasionally, people donate their record collections to us because... well, I don't know really, as we don't play any records on the air, and haven't in nearly two decades. I guess they do it because they can get a tax deduction for it.

Some of the people here know that I am a record collector. So one day, someone came to find me to ask me to have a look at this box of records that a woman brought in. I went out front to have a look, and this was a moldy-smelling box of crap records that had been in the damp basement for at least 40 years. None of the records was of any value, either musically or monetarily.They were scratched beyond playability, and dirty, and water damaged.

The employee said, "What do you think?" I replied, "There isn't anything in this box that's worth a nickel. It's all garbage. Might as well throw it out."

Little did I know that the woman who wanted the tax deduction for them was standing there.

They gave her the deduction form anyway. The records are still sitting in their moldy box in the library, where no one will ever look at them again.

I used to work as a uniformed security officer at a hotel. One night the manager had gotten a bunch of noise complaints from some guests having a party in a room. I went to ask them to keep the noise down. I knocked on the door. It opened, and before I could say anything the woman who answered the door yelled, "Alright! The stripper's here!"

HAHAHAHAHA! That was funny...

Another public radio station situation here, but I only heard about it from the staff. This radio station is on the local university campus. They were doing some recording which was going to be used as a promo or something, but the particular studio was close to some bathrooms on campus. A toilet was flushed during a pause in the recording session, so it ended up being on that take. I was a volunteer at the time as it was during one of their pledge sessions, so those of us taking the calls had a good laugh over the toilet incident.

Lemme see here . . .

1) Coworker of mine who worked at a cell phone kiosk got a call from some customer who wanted to activate his prepaid phone.

Customer: "Sir I need my phone activated."
CW: "Ok, do you have your manual?"
Customer: "Yes."
CW: "Can you read?"
Customer: "Yes"
CW: "Ok, you're good." <click>

2) Had an older lady (50s) try to return her computer because it wouldnt turn on when she hit the power button. I hooked up the computer and asked her to turn it on. She was pushing the button for the CD/DVD player eject . . .

3) Had a long call that went something like this:

Me: "Yes sir, how can i help you?"
Customer: "Yes, i bought this here DVD player and i cant get it to work."
Me: "Ok, did you hook up the cables?"
Customer: "Yes I did but i get nothing."
Me: "Did you hook them up correctly?"
Customer: "I guess i did."
Me: "Red to red, white to white, yellow to yellow?"
Customer: "What?"
. . . (time lapse of 15 min)
Customer: "Oh, the colors on the cable . . . what's that supposed to mean?"
. . . (time lapse another 10 min)
Customer: "So lemme get this straight . . . the inputs in the back of the DVD are colored the same at the back of the TV and the ends of the cable are s'posed to match?"
Me: " . . . Yes sir, that's what i said before . . ."

4) Guy comes in to return a TV . . .

Customer: "Hey, this Plasma TV wont work, can i get my money back?"
Us: "Did you hook it up right?"
Customer: "As far as i know."
So, we take the TV to our dept and hook it up . . . its working fine.
Us: "Sir, there's nothing wrong with the TV . . . are you sure you hooked up the cables in the back?"
Customer: "Cables? I thought this was wireless."

Human stupidity never ceases to amuse me . . .

Here's one:

I take a guy out back to show him the fields and what's growing because we hadn't got everything picked by that time. HE points at the Chinese cabbage and says, "What's that?"

I say. "Oh, that's Chinese cabbage; it's new."

He says, "Wow, everything is from China now."

I worked at a discount bookstore. I had a customer come in and ask "do you have such & such on DVD?" I didn't really hear his request other than the DVD part and we only sold books, no DVDs, so I said "no, we don't sell DVDs". He said "but Dymocks sell DVDs". I couldn't help myself... slapped him in the face with "well then go to Dymocks".

A foot in mouth story that I had here lately. I work in a call center for a major department store. We are known for our customer service and liberal policies.

I took a call from a customer that wanted to do a price match (matching the price on an item from another store). There can also be flagrant abuse of this policy. Another website had a very popular item that we sell for less. Word about pricing gets around, and people know us for our customer service. I had taken upteen calls regarding matching this website and it can be a laborous process for us to process for the customer. It got old, so I finally told a customer, well if Bargainwarehouse.com has the item cheaper, why don't you buy it from them! Good thing my boss never heard that call.

Another situation that comes to mind involved a customer who went ape s**t about not receiving her package on time due to the fact that we were having a major flood in our area. Strangely enough the woman ordered a swimsuit. Even though most of our customers were sympathetic about the situation (1/3 of my co-workers homes were damaged or destroyed), this lady went nuts about it. She didn't understand that most of the roads into the city that I live in were impassable due to floodwaters, and the airport was prioritizing air traffic to relief flights. I told her that she would eventually get her swimsuit but it would take a couple of extra days. That wasn't good enough for this trixie. I finally went off (everyone was stresses) about my co-workers losing their homes and she is worried about a damned swimsuit! I also told her that the item would come in handy because she would have to swim in here to pick it up. The bosses talked to me about that situation, but thank god they were understanding.

I have a few other situations that I could go on about.

I work in a movie theatre. All prices end in multiples of 0.25, tax included in the price. It makes cash handling very easy for us and the customers.

I was selling tickets at the first register, and Yauntria was selling concessions right next to me. A woman orders a small soda (total $4.25). She hands Yauntria $4.30. Yauntria explains that we cannot give her back a nickel as we don't have any in the drawer. This nickel issue has happened to me twice in the two years that I've worked there, and neither time did the customer care about this nickel. The woman became very indignant, insisting that we were trying to short her. I hopped in and said that we were not, and if she'd like to have her $ 0.30 back and give us a quarter, or a dollar, we could give her change in quarters. She refused and said that it was ridiculous. Her husband chimed in. They insisted that we somehow produce a nickel, and that it was absurd that we, a quarter-only business, did not stock our drawers with a full complement of nickels, dimes, and pennies. He then started shouting about "it's the principle of the thing!" Not sure WHAT that principle was . . . stupidity isn't a principle, is it?

A manager gave her a nickel from his own pocket. I had refused to do so and Yauntria didn't have one. I mean, we weren't shorting her. There was a viable solution (take your $0.30 back and pay differently) and she was behaving bizarrely.