Growing Tired of My Life...
I have been trying hard to change for the better, but things just haven't gone right for me. I got my first job about a month ago and quit after 3 weeks because the job was to spontaneous and I had to do many different things like, make coffee, cashier, etc... the problem with the job is that since it was a small store only 3 people at the most worked at the same time and it was very busy. It was a lot of pressure also because you had to basically be everything in the store, a stocker, a janitor, a cashier, change the garbage, etc... and it was to be learned to do it on your own will (Something that I'm sure is a problem for Aspies) I would have been fine if I knew exactly what I had to do the whole time, but like I said, it wasn't very organized and it just burned me out.
Now the rest of it...
My dad is basically a kid. He always came to my games and always did things with me, but he doesn't know how to do anything, except for a few little tasks (mow lawn), he doesn't even know how to boil water and he's 56. He doesn't understand anything and is so incompetent, you can't have a conversation with him and every time he talks, he says something stupid. The only thing he really knows what to do is buy porn.
My mom is an old-fashioned Italian that had it rough in her childhood as my Nonno (grandfather) was really tough and abused her (but that's how it was in Italy in the 1960's), nothing I do satisfies her and she is very stubborn and I feel she is pressuring me too much and it really is making it worse. She never can leave me alone. She is a pathological when it comes to going to the casino as she is addicted, that's all she thinks about. When she leaves, she always tells us to tell Nonna (grandmother) that she went to the market, or another lame excuse. And she feels so guilty like "I don't really want to go but *Insert friend's name here* wants me to."
My parents can't stand each other, my mom has said that she should get a divorce but if she did, she wouldn't have any money (didn't work after my sister was born, which was 30 years ago, now she works 2-3 days a week) and my dad wouldn't leave because he knows he would have to go to McDonald's every day.
Now on to me...
I never had the most friends, I was a "untouchable" in high school (glad I am in college now) I never had a girl...friend, not a girlfriend, a girl that's a friend. I have poor social skills, I have no idea how to start conversations and I feel like the constant bullying and comments in middle-high school made me the person I am today. I have no self-esteem, no confidence, and I feel inferior to every girl that look good and I could never approach them.
I have been trying hard in college to make at least a friend, and I think I have gotten friendly with a couple girls (because we were in the same class, and I had something to talk about) but I have no clue how to ask for a number and really don't even know how to introduce myself to girls that I have never seen before.
I just feel like I don't know what to do. It has been only 2 weeks since I have stopped working and my mom is already threatening me to kick me out if I don't have a job by summer. I don't know how to do the things that I need to do to survive as an adult. I can barely make breakfast, either eggs, pancakes, or french toast but can't cook anything and I feel like I don't know what to do by free will (like when to change my sheets, etc...) my mom has to tell me. She has said that she feels she has babied me and I think it's true because I still feel like a 12 yr. old and I get treated like one. I get called to come home at 12, even though I'm 18 1/2. I do feel like I have Asperger's because I read a lot on it and have a lot of the symptoms and signs, some right to a T.
Sorry for the long read, Thanks if you have read this and I would appreciate any comments/opinions/advice if someone knows how to handle this
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,163
Location: In my own little country
Life_In_Defiance
Butterfly
Joined: 15 Mar 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 9
Location: San Francisco, CA
CockneyRebel is right, things will get better with time.
The fact that you are in college will help you alot with your social skills and developing a life as an adult. when i was in my first year of college i thought i would not be able to make it on my own and i would be lonely in life. but then i met friends too and i was able able to see what people do as independent adults.
If you want to meet new people you can join social organizations or something at school. maybe you can talk to some of your girl-friends if they have joined some kind of group that you can join too, then you would have more in common. sometimes group projects are a good way to ask for phone numbers i.e. "You seem to know a lot about this project/lab/assignment could i have your number in case i have trouble or need help? [even if you know how to do the project on your own this question is only an excuse
]" the easy way to talk to a girl in your situation is not to talk to girls you have never seen before but to talk to the ones you do see. maybe in class since you can randomly ask about their opinion on the topic covered etc. or if you see someone that was in you class out of context then you can approach them with the excuse "hey aren't you in Aspie 101 class with professor Hans?" is remember that you count on this forum for support and things will improve with time!
BlackLight
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 34
Location: Stoke-on-Trent, England
I am in the same boat with my ma. She's Italian too. They have a very different way of doing things. My mum got it really rough from her older brother & sister and her mum after her dad died. She's 60 now and she has pretty much transformed into the person who did her so much wrong. She is really overbearing and hassles me all the time. Luckily I don't live with her and can keep her at arms length but if I don't answer her calls she's starts playing the guilt card which doesn't help the situation. I wrote her a letter recently (this helps coz its on paper and you can say what ya need to say without being interupted every 5 seconds) and basically explained that I can't be bothered with her behaviour any more and that if she didn't sort it it would ruin our relationship permanently. I would say think about doing something like this with your odes, sometimes you need an ultimatum to get peoples attention.
I moved out asap (I was 18) and it made me feel loads better. Get a place with or near close friends and you'll feel like a new man. I was a bit despondent late teens, early 20s but IT DOES GET BETTER.....
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