an Aspie's guide to making friends in an NT world

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1. don't be yourself (whatever you do)
2. limit your conversations with people to superficial topics
3. go out to bars
4. your idea of a fun evening should be going out to a bar with many people you barely know, getting drunk, eating some greasy food, and returning home after your clothes stink with cigarette smoke.
5. be obsessed about sports, especially if you're a guy.
6. your goal should be to meet as many people as possible rather than meet one or two people whom you feel connected to.
7. have a profile on facebook, tweets, myspace, and update your drunk pictures at least daily.
8. always have a smile on your face, especially if you're a woman. a woman is not allowed to show negative emotions.
9. if you're depressed, or have financial problems, or family issues, keep those to yourself. nobody out there really cares about your happiness or well-being.
10. don't ever admit to be insecure or lack confidence in yourself.
11. laugh at whatever dumb youtube video others are laughing, even if you find it boring/not funny.
12. if you're bored during a night out with your "friends", don't show it.
13. get a boyfriend if you're a woman, or people will think that there's something wrong with you. this rule doesn't apply to men.
14. if you're a woman who needs glasses, get contact lenses. wearing glasses makes you look serious and intelligent--both are unattractive qualities for a woman to have.

please keep on adding to my list.

What about true friends? I made more true friends when I acted myself. The facade was too much to keep up with.

this has yet to happen to me (with NT people), but I congratulate you.

I never had much luck with my real self being accepted, either, but also not denying it can happen for some. Probably depends on the people who are around, as well as other mysterious factors.

Did happen once, though. That was way cool.


Have argue some with #13: if you're a guy you're supposed to be all 'seasoned' and experienced and such. You're also supposed to be having sex constantly and be bragging about it.

That sounds horrible to me...I can never do that...
I have actually managed to get NT friends by being myself. Including male friends.
And those friends I made by being myself, they stay with me after I disclose AS to them and support me.

By the way, "those friends" means two friends...guess I'm quite lucky =)
I onced try not to be myself to get friends but I ended up hurting myself and I swear not to hide my true self ever again.
But I guess I do try to "restrict" some characters when I'm with NTs... like repetitive speech etc... but sometimes is hard to control...

This thread is a joke, right?
Yet people are responding seriously to it.

HILARIOUS!! This is just what the general population of NTs tend to be

My facade is quiet, reserved and aloof. My real self is really quite bubbly, once you get to know me. How I make friends: well, it's limited to liberal-minded/nerdy/nice friendly people. I STILL can't get along with girly girls, but I made friends with 2 fellow gluttons who are concerned over their studies. In high school I made friends when I took an interest in politics. They were intellectual. I still don't have many friends but I can get along with the more accepting and serious sort.

Strangely enough in school the younger guys liked to say hi to me. Considering I wasn't very outgoing.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Number 7 gave it away. (and 8, 13 and 14)

it's a humorous depiction of the harsh reality in the world today. Most of these are based on my personal experience.
About the origin of number 14...
I used to have a lot more guys approach me back when I was a freshman/sophomore in college than nowadays, and I've been wondering why. I look exactly the same, except that I'm wearing glasses regularly nowadays. If anything, I think I am more attractive now than I was back then--I got better at using make up, dressing well, and being more confident. I am also better off financially and more independent. I realize this sounds ridiculous, but I can't help but think that my glasses are the reason...

15- Stop believing that the world is in conflict between "NTs" and "ASs"

Wrong, so many people think that I might be gay or with some sexual dysfunction because I have never had a gf.

glasses may hide an intense expression.

I have been married and have had a few girlfriends and people still think I'm gay. I have always been 100% heterosexual so I can't figure that one out at all.

maybe you're too good-looking

I've never been accused of being too good-looking before. I think it has to do with body language and the fact that I don't have the same interests as the typical heterosexual man, beer, sports, beer, NASCAR, beer, more sports, etc.