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What do you remember someone for?
999,999 good things 41%  41%  [ 19 ]
1 bad thing 59%  59%  [ 27 ]
Total votes : 46

Tim_Tex
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22 May 2010, 3:59 pm

Do we tend to be more judgmental than those not on the spectrum?

If someone does 1 million things in their life, and 999,999 of them are good, and 1 is bad, what would you remember that person for?

Let's say the bad thing was a social mistake or faux pas.


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matt
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22 May 2010, 4:07 pm

I would probably remember more than just one thing they did, but the way I would remember them would depend more on the amount which their actions positively or negatively affected me.

I would likely think of a social mistake of faux pas as funny if I noticed it and understood it to be a social mistake or faux pas, rather than see it as a bad thing someone did.



richie
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22 May 2010, 4:09 pm

Quote:
Let's say the bad thing was a social mistake or faux pas.


I would tend to overlook such things. But people who irritate me are the ones who do so out of malice or for some perverted amusement.


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sgrannel
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22 May 2010, 4:17 pm

I'm probably somewhat more judgmental than most. I think it's an empathy thing. I see things that are wrong and then I tell it like I see it. Sometimes I may misunderstand the intent behind something or forget that people will see the error of something they're doing and do it anyway because they appear not to care, not because they don't know, and this is difficult for me to understand.


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Chronos
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22 May 2010, 4:26 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Do we tend to be more judgmental than those not on the spectrum?

If someone does 1 million things in their life, and 999,999 of them are good, and 1 is bad, what would you remember that person for?

Let's say the bad thing was a social mistake or faux pas.


How do you define judgmental? If someone express a train that particularly stands out to me I will note it, but I usually do not extrapolate on it or condemn the person to it, and I try very hard to understand their logic. When they do something that puts me off, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that perhaps there was a communication issue in the matter, or maybe they were having a bad day, and so on.

I usually accept most traits about a person much in the way I accept that ripe oranges are orange, or ice is cold, though I recognize they may not be fixed traits.

My NT sister on the other hand (who I love very much and don't mean to sound negative towards her, if that is how I come across) usually concludes entirely different things about a person than I do.

For example....

If person X insists on making all the arrangements for a party thrown for a mutual friend...
My sister: X is such a control freak! They always think their way is the best.
Me: Good, now I don't have to do anything. I wish more people were like this.

My sister: Y is so weird!
Me: Y seems like an interesting person.

My sister: Z is so stupid.
Me: That was a stupid thing Z did. I wonder if there's another side of her.

My sister: P is so passive aggressive!
Me: Yes, P is very passive aggressive. I've noticed that too.

We tend to have opposing views of how to interpret social situations. I might be the odd one out but that doesn't mean my conclusions are wrong. In fact I'm inclined to think my conclusions might be right at least as much as hers are, because my intuitive sense is logic based, and hers is innate. So I feel I may be more likely to hit the nail on the head as to people's underlying true self, which they try to hide and do not want to be detected, so will defend themselves against claims pertaining to it, while my sister may be more geared to react to facade traits, which are both fake and illicite particular responses within an individual, which have evolved to maintain social harmony.

For example. Z does stupid things. My sister interprets this as Z being stupid, and not just doing stupid things. Thus my sister likely does not want to associate closely with Z. Possibly, subconsciously, my sister feels the stupid things Z does could put my sister in a situation which she is not equipped to handle. So she concludes Z is stupid and wants nothing much to do with it.

My take on the whole matter is entirely different. Z does stupid things. I wonder why Z does stupid things. I wonder what Z's logic is. I wonder if Z has the capability to grasp that these things are stupid and can lead to problems in life. I wonder if Z has any depth or wisdom they do not express. I wonder if they have an ability to attain a higher level of understanding of the world in which they see the things they have done as stupid, and so on.



ursaminor
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22 May 2010, 4:33 pm

I am the most judgmental person.
I don't care for people who are of no use to me.



Chronos
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22 May 2010, 4:47 pm

ursaminor wrote:
I am the most judgmental person.
I don't care for people who are of no use to me.


Are you a sociopath?



Callista
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22 May 2010, 5:10 pm

I tend to remember every piece of data I can collect about a person, good or bad. I don't tend to idealize or demonize anyone; so all I tend to see are a lot of fallible people who are neither perfect nor evil incarnate. Similarly, I know that all human beings have a selfish nature, and all human beings have an innate knowledge of what "good" is.


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22 May 2010, 5:32 pm

You're giving us a pathetically false dichotomy.



Mdyar
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22 May 2010, 5:32 pm

Chronos wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
Do we tend to be more judgmental than those not on the spectrum?

If someone does 1 million things in their life, and 999,999 of them are good, and 1 is bad, what would you remember that person for?

Let's say the bad thing was a social mistake or faux pas.


How do you define judgmental? If someone express a train that particularly stands out to me I will note it, but I usually do not extrapolate on it or condemn the person to it, and I try very hard to understand their logic. When they do something that puts me off, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that perhaps there was a communication issue in the matter, or maybe they were having a bad day, and so on.

I usually accept most traits about a person much in the way I accept that ripe oranges are orange, or ice is cold, though I recognize they may not be fixed traits.

My NT sister on the other hand (who I love very much and don't mean to sound negative towards her, if that is how I come across) usually concludes entirely different things about a person than I do.


For example....

If person X insists on making all the arrangements for a party thrown for a mutual friend...
My sister: X is such a control freak! They always think their way is the best.
Me: Good, now I don't have to do anything. I wish more people were like this.

My sister: Y is so weird!
Me: Y seems like an interesting person.

My sister: Z is so stupid.
Me: That was a stupid thing Z did. I wonder if there's another side of her.

My sister: P is so passive aggressive!
Me: Yes, P is very passive aggressive. I've noticed that too.

We tend to have opposing views of how to interpret social situations. I might be the odd one out but that doesn't mean my conclusions are wrong. In fact I'm inclined to think my conclusions might be right at least as much as hers are, because my intuitive sense is logic based, and hers is innate. So I feel I may be more likely to hit the nail on the head as to people's underlying true self, which they try to hide and do not want to be detected, so will defend themselves against claims pertaining to it, while my sister may be more geared to react to facade traits, which are both fake and illicite particular responses within an individual, which have evolved to maintain social harmony.

For example. Z does stupid things. My sister interprets this as Z being stupid, and not just doing stupid things. Thus my sister likely does not want to associate closely with Z. Possibly, subconsciously, my sister feels the stupid things Z does could put my sister in a situation which she is not equipped to handle. So she concludes Z is stupid and wants nothing much to do with it.

My take on the whole matter is entirely different. Z does stupid things. I wonder why Z does stupid things. I wonder what Z's logic is. I wonder if Z has the capability to grasp that these things are stupid and can lead to problems in life. I wonder if Z has any depth or wisdom they do not express. I wonder if they have an ability to attain a higher level of understanding of the world in which they see the things they have done as stupid, and so on.


Lots of patience ,Chronos.
I find your post very commendable , and I perceive the underlying cause's the same way here, but unfortunately I dont have the patience for people as you do, and would be irritated and drained of energy.
Patience is the last thing the genetic pool dispensed in my family.



dyingofpoetry
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22 May 2010, 5:39 pm

Like Callista, I really remember everything about a person, down to the smallest detail, but the one bad thing will override the all good things when it comes to making a decision to continue seeing that person.


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CockneyRebel
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22 May 2010, 5:44 pm

I'm the opposite. I don't wish to judge anybody. That's God's job. 8)


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astaut
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22 May 2010, 7:01 pm

I didn't vote 'cause I don't remember people for either. I just have memories, not one good thing or one bad thing.

I guess I'm less judgmental because that's what everyone tells me. It's always been majorly important to me to not be judgmental and I am really hard on myself when I judge someone, so to me, yeah I do judge a lot. But to others they say I am very non-judgmental and I guess that makes them feel comfy around me.



Chronos
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22 May 2010, 9:41 pm

Mdyar wrote:
Lots of patience ,Chronos.
I find your post very commendable , and I perceive the underlying cause's the same way here, but unfortunately I dont have the patience for people as you do, and would be irritated and drained of energy.
Patience is the last thing the genetic pool dispensed in my family.


Oh it does run out on occasion. But I think much of what I expressed above is really just a result of the fact that I don't rely as heavily on social interactions as others. I'm quite content being relatively alone much of the time, wherease my sister prefers people around her, so I can see how she'd be more selective and conclusive as she may be judging to decide who she does and doesn't want in her company.

With me, they are probably not going to be in my company much either way.



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22 May 2010, 9:48 pm

I would like to use fancy wordplay here and explain how I'm not judgmental despite acting that way, so I'll just go ahead and say yes. It may be a part of my dark side, but I find it easier more and more these days compared to years ago to remember someone a lot more for one bad thing than many good things. Someone could have a bunch of good traits, but something like having a negative view on Aspies in general could "ruin" my view of that person. It's just that I feel I'm so used to seeing the negative that I tend to think of that way about humanity as a whole. On the other hand, I attempt to be "fair" and not think every random stranger I see as bad before they given me a reason to believe so.


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22 May 2010, 11:18 pm

i wouldn't consider a social faux pas or similar a bad thing. as a matter of fact, i would consider that a sign that i might relate to the person!

but that doesn't mean i'm not judgmental. i definitely am at times, although i try not to be.


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