People on the spectrum disliking phones

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MathGirl
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25 May 2010, 3:57 pm

This is a thread that stems from my previous thread.

I've seen a couple of threads about phones posted previously, and most people on the spectrum said that they dislike talking on the phone. I have AS and I am totally fine with it. I know someone with SPD and they still are capable of talking on the phone, so it's not an ability issue. I have trouble with auditory processing, too, but it doesn't hurt to ask the person on the other end to repeat or summarize what they've said if you didn't process it the first time.

I've read that some people on the spectrum experience anxiety on the phone, but that's social anxiety and has nothing to do with autism specitically. I talk on the phone to people I'm most comfortable with, so I don't really care about whether I interrupt by accident. But just like in face-to-face conversations, I try my best to not interrupt and wait until they finish a sentence.

Besides, you don't have to worry about the nonverbal stuff on the phone. All that basically matters is your voice.

So what ARE the reasons why you dislike talking on the phone?


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CockneyRebel
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25 May 2010, 4:01 pm

The reason that I don't like to talk on the phone, is because people are lazy listeners, who refuse to try to understand unusual accents.


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Dots
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25 May 2010, 4:01 pm

I dislike talking on the phone but as you said it's a social anxiety thing, not a spectrum thing. When I was younger I used to have such a phobia of calling people that my dad helped me write scripts.

I don't know why exactly I don't like the phone, but I'm pretty sure it's because of social anxiety. When I'm talking to my family on the phone I'm fine.


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Ferdinand
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25 May 2010, 4:08 pm

I hate phones.


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MathGirl
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25 May 2010, 4:09 pm

Ferdinand wrote:
I hate phones.
Why?


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Molecular_Biologist
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25 May 2010, 4:20 pm

Dots wrote:
I dislike talking on the phone but as you said it's a social anxiety thing, not a spectrum thing.


No social anxiety here.

I use phones only when I need to exchange information.

The problem is, NTs use it as a form of entertainment.

blah
blah
blah
blah

I hate it when people call me and they are only half paying attention (probably driving and putting others at risk). They expect me to have something interesting to talk about and can barely bother to listen to me anyway.



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25 May 2010, 4:22 pm

Phones aren't so bad. I like SMS and MMS, because I'm visual thinker.

Talking? Nooo, thanks. I don't have idea what to say, how to say and when I should say things oooch, mhm, yaa, really? Some people want me to repeat, because they're not used to my pronunciation.
I generally don't like to talk and phone doesn't change it. But it's better than talking live, because I don't have to care about gestures and face expression.


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25 May 2010, 4:27 pm

I don't mind talking on the phone, but I don't do it very often. Usually I talk with my mom, sister or grandmother and I'm not very good at it because I'm almost always so absorbed in a special interest that I just say "uhuh" a lot in a very disconnected way. If the conversation peaks my interest, I suddenly become very conversational.



Ferdinand
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25 May 2010, 4:46 pm

MathGirl wrote:
Ferdinand wrote:
I hate phones.
Why?


I only use it to say something that I want to say, but usually when I call my mother, she just drags on and I really don't want to talk, so I just say 'gotta go, bye' and hang up.


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pschristmas
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25 May 2010, 4:51 pm

I don't mind using telephones as ways to get or transmit information. My main issue is with the chatty-type phone call. I have a sister who lives in Montana and she calls from time to time and I always find myself zoning out on the conversation. That and she tries to talk and laugh at the same time, so I sometimes have trouble understanding her. I also have trouble with timing conversations over the phone - I talk over people or don't speak when it's my turn. It probably just has more to do with me not liking small talk, though.



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25 May 2010, 4:51 pm

For me there are no problems with speaking to somebody I know well.
But as soon as it's an unknown person I refuse.

I'm not sure exactly why I'm frightened, but I am!
Although, I can manage to do so if I push myself. But it's definitely crossing the line, and I will have to prepare for the situation.



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25 May 2010, 4:53 pm

I have a pretty long processing delay, and I'm also very slow at turning my thoughts into speech. It's laborious and if I don't push my brain to the point of a headache I can't go fast enough to keep people from reading things into the delays (they figure they're being ignored, or imagine it's due to thinking up lies instead of honest answers, and so forth). Also I have some trouble (moreso when I was younger) intoning my voice correctly. If I don't put a lot of energy into it I tend to get misinterpreted (as sarcasitc or angry or other things that tend to pi** people off).



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25 May 2010, 4:57 pm

pschristmas wrote:
I don't mind using telephones as ways to get or transmit information. My main issue is with the chatty-type phone call. I have a sister who lives in Montana and she calls from time to time and I always find myself zoning out on the conversation. That and she tries to talk and laugh at the same time, so I sometimes have trouble understanding her. I also have trouble with timing conversations over the phone - I talk over people or don't speak when it's my turn. It probably just has more to do with me not liking small talk, though.


Which is like, exactly what I was saying. Glad I'm not alone.

The phone seems like just a superficial means of conversation too.


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25 May 2010, 5:05 pm

I used to be extremely stressed by the telephone. I'm fairly habituated to phones nowadays; I still dislike using them, but I do it if I have to. I won't use them for social calls, though, and while I do have a mobile phone it stays uncharged at the bottom of a drawer somewhere.

What I find difficult about phones is perhaps the opposite of what many of you get: I feel like I need the other person to be able to see me. I find I rely quite heavily on deliberate gestures and expressions to communicate - at a rough pop-psych guess, I am compensating for not automatically "getting it" by pausing to very self-consciously insert grins and so on all the time - :wink: - it's not so pronounced with typing, mind, so this sort of thing is much easier than the phone. Also my natural mode is a sardonic / sarcastic / self-deprecating one which the other person needs to see I'm not taking myself entirely seriously... not something that works well over the phone. Fah. Or something, I dunno, really. :?:

A friend of mine - also aspie, though I didn't know about the condition back then - used to want to talk with me on the phone for hours. I found it unbearable - I can't do extended conversation face to face, never mind on the phone - and I ended up making excuses not to, though I guessed she needed to talk. :( *pauses for melodramatic and maudlin wave at the sky* If we do meet up in some other place, at least we won't be short on subjects for conversation... :?


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25 May 2010, 5:27 pm

I don't like the ringing. As far as talking, if it's someone I haven't talked to in a long time I'm fine but I have a problem with anyone who wants to talk but has nothing to talk about. I don't care that you went to the store today. I know someone who is on disability (ptsd/borderline/bipolar) and calls in the middle of the day and just starts in with the minutiae without even asking me if I have time to talk.



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25 May 2010, 5:27 pm

For me it can be awkward b/c most people's voices sound very different to me on the phone vs. in person (this can make identifying the speaker confusing b/c I identify people by voice pattern a lot). Plus, I don't know how to fill the long gaps of silence.


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