Ignored by others, what do I do?

Post Reply New Topic

Hey WP.

Over the past month I have slowly come to realise that I am being ignored by the group of people i'd consider my "friends"
- note that most of them I haven't met irl, but I have chatted so much to them online, talked on skype and such the past six months that its the status they have gained with me.
Usually I play World Of Warcraft and other games with these people. The ignoring started when I left the guild (group of people that play together under a common purpose) I have been in for a long time, because of some drama between me and another girl there. We were both officiers, and I did try to solve the situation but in the end I saw myself forced to leave so the guild could move on. There was also several other factors contributing to my choice, but the drama is the main one.
After I left, I explained all of my reasons for my choice.

The guild also had a secondary chat channel that is used by members and alts of the guild, along with friends of the guild and exmembers of the guild. I stayed in the channel, because I did not want to cut contact - I'd still want to play with them.
One of the other girls (not the one with the drama) freaked over me leaving. She said that my departure would cause the guild to die, which has shown to be untrue, its still standing. The only difference is that the management is not as controlled and new members are not being let in, I was the only one doing that and no one has picked up after me.
But even so, several people seemed to be disappointed with me for my choice. Yet they would still talk to me.. until they just.. stopped.
I can greet them either in a private chat, in the channel or through other means, I can ask questions, say random things, try to make conversation, try to blend into a conversation... And I just get no response.
A few weeks after the behavior started, I asked one of those I have known for the longest, but he just explained that it was just me feeling that way and no one was ignoreing me. I tried keeping a normal contact to this person afterwards but now he is also ignoreing me, and its not like im doing anything different than to before I left.

Its very frustrating for me, because these people are or were a big reason of the games being fun to me, of course i can find new people to play with but, its just not the same.
I just do not know what to do, I can't seem to get a reason as to why they are ignoreing me, it doesn't seem like they will stop doing it anytime soon, still I keep considering them friends. Should I just disappear off the radar for them?
I know that sometimes people who seem to seek attention but thats not how I am like, I don't speak all the time, just occasionally when theres conversations going and such.. Like I've usually done.
I'm a bit helpless here.. and it feels like I'm lingering in a scenario I just can't solve.

Any tips?

I know that I could "just try to focus on irl social life" but gaming is a big part of my interests, its not like I can just switch it off and be fine with it.

Happens to me in every online social environment resulting in me not even trying anymore. I'm also told I try too hard to make friends and that weirds people out. This is sad because people online are generally the only ones worth speaking to and getting to know. At least in my area of the country, people irl are nothing but ignorant slobs, minimum wage slaves to the government with brains incapable of a genuine original thought.

Seems like you have to know the reason for everything, like me. Maybe you already mentioned it - the fact that they all are moving on like your actions intended for them to do. And if they are normal-minded people, they probably don't have as much emotional value on communicating with you as you do them.

Ignore them back.

if the guild is over, your involvement is over, it seems to me, you're got to get something else going and then invite some of the guild members. and basically 50-50 whether this new thing will work out

Sometimes, friendships are made out of convenience or proximity -- friends from highschool or work. Once the goal is complete, or the proximity ceases, the friendships dissolve -- sometimes quickly. Seems like what you are experiencing now. Sometimes the friendships dissolve slowly where the frequency of calls begin from 1 week, to 1 month, to 3 months, to never.

The real friends who truly have a connection with you, will still go out of their way to keep in touch with you. Sometimes, the true friends still are not good at keeping in touch because they have an anti-social personality, and will talk to you once every blue moon. That's me. They are true friends because they will help you in an emergency.

I used to be a huge online gamer so I've been in your situation before. I used to play FFXI and was in a linkshell of 30+ people. At the time we behaved like a family until some drama dissolved the group. That was 4 years ago. I only now speak to 2 individuals from that group and have met 1 of them in real life.

Being a huge fan of WoW myself, and a bit of a social creature Ive noticed a bit about the social structure in the game after 5 years.

When people leave a guild or a group - even if on friendly terms - odds are they will drift out of their old friends immediate contact.

For instance, a fellow officer of mine and friend in wow over 4 years changed servers to play with his IRL friend and to get the chance to raid properly. He left the rest of the officers with his realID, we all have eachother on facebook and MSN. Still, the contact is vanishing. He has other people that greet him now when he comes online and we dont feel like prodding him about nonsense when seeing him raid... and then eventually we get used to not talking anymore. Its sad, but its true. It moves quickly too.

Another point I can relate to is ingame friends being important. Ive filled my house with half my guild at one point and they come from all over Europe. The friendships I have gotten online is as strong as any I have gotten "IRL". And to me there is no difference if I phone up myhigh school best friend to chat for an hour - or If I spend an hour chatting on ventrilio with a friend over many years there. Not everyone see it this way tho, but I do understand the value you probably have to these friends.

So a solution... The way I see it, alot of them might not have you on a friends list ingame since you used to be in the guild. They might not notice that you join and go offline now as before. The custom channel might be something that drowns a bit among they most used chat channels and/or windows. Also, there can be some hurt feelings. Even if yu explained, the ones that werent the cause for you leaving and that misses you, still might feel abandoned. Is there a part of you wanting back? Is there perhaps an option where you can rejoin and not rejoin in the officer ranks together with this girl that the drama was stirred by?

I'm sorry you got caught in a drama storm. Guild dramas is a pain in the bum.