Ugh... Relationships

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Lately I have feeling frustrated. Not just with how my brain works, but how my friends just don't understand.

They think I should just go out and make friends. Just go out and get girl friends. They don't understand that I have no idea how to form relationships. I am friends with them because I met them through my only friend.

Maybe I will type up essays on my problems with relationships and what means when I say I have Asperger's.

I just have no f*****g idea what to do.

I think that the essays are a good idea. That way, your friends will know what you're trying to tell them.

If they aren't sympathetic/helpful, then it's probably best to just avoid talking about the subject around them.

You're not alone in that regard. I've been writing a lot in my journal and it does kind of help organize my thoughts. And lots of threads on WP about people being frustrated because they are alone, can't get a bf/gf, don't have many friends....while you may not have a lot of IRL friends, you have a community on here that understands...

I hate this, too. I just ignore it myself, I personally have no desire to make loads of friends anyway.

Yup...."just" go out and get a partner, just like that May as well say just go out and get a cushy, lucrative job.

This kind of "directive therapy" sucks. What people need is for their friends to help them to discover what they want and to support them in trying to get it, not potted advice with no responsibility taken for the "how to" part of it. A human being is an immensely complicated thing, and a good friend has to observe long and hard before they're qualified to even begin to give out awesome advice. A good friend backs off when their idea isn't hitting the spot. A good friend respects the fact that it's your life and that you know a million times more about it than they do. A good friend will ask what you want rather than tell you. Maybe if they know you really well then they could know more about what you want than you do, but I don't think that happens much. And even then, they can couch it in soft terms so that you're more likely to get the point. But the way a lot of people carry on, you'd think the whole country had a discipline fetish.

NTs don't realize just how hard it is to make friends.

Yes, this whole thing is a mystery to me. I often wonder, if people think you must be a bad person if you don't have many friends. That people stay away from you because you're so horrible. Do people realize that making friends just doesn't come naturally or easily to some?

Why is it so important that everybody's in a relationship, anyways?

I don't know. I personally can't stand it when all my friends hook up and I'm the only single one at the table. They all say, "you can find a guy, you're cute and funny." No I can't. I'm a fat aspie so it's a lot harder for me to obtain a quality relationship than for those beautiful NTs whom I envy. D:

OK but looks doesn't have a lot to do with a quality relationship. It gives you "trophy value" for a while but it doesn't give you the capacity to love or to get it together with another human being. And I've seen people built like barrage balloons who still have relationships, and I've heard of Aspies with partners, and none of those people seem to love each other any less than normal. The most "attractive" NT celebrities seem to have the worst relationships of all.

True. I just get frustrated sometimes that my friends don't understand how hard it is for me to obtain a relationship. Whatever, hopefully this date I have coming up in a few weeks will go well and I won't have to worry about this anymore.

I cannot say it too much - qualithy, not quantity. They are more, and maybe some can just step out the door and find a friensd - though it is a lot harder than that for most I know.

But we are fewer. Don 't need more than a couple. One is great.

The secret - when we have a friendship, they can't recognize it. Surprise, surprise - when I watch them, it does not seem like what I call friendship.

Hope he turns out to be just what you're looking for. I suspect that you know intellectually that looks and autism don't take you out of the game, but maybe emotionally the insecurity is still lurking.......it's definitely true of me, I know I'm OK but what I wouldn't give to feel that I was. Sometimes the things we blurt out when we're upset can tell us what our deeper feelings are - the wording might be over the top, but there's no smoke without fire.

I couldn't agree more! My sister keeps telling me that I have to work at relationships and then I will get closer to other people, but she might as well be saying to me: "to achieve this all you really need to do is knit a sweater" ( I use this as an example because I don't know how to knit) and then leaves me to it and doesn't explain to me how I go about making an effort or "knitting the sweater". If was going to knit I would need guidance on what to do. It's the same with relationships.

I have finally got her to realise that I have difficulty connecting with people. She was telling a couple of girls we know about how like my Dad I am and how we both find it hard to connect with people. The 2 girls immediately got defensive of me (which is nice because it shows they like me) and said I don't have a problem and they have no problem talking to me. My sister tried to explain my point of view, but they didn't understand. So they will continue to say to me, oh you'll find someone, but never explain how to go about it. Or watch in bemused silence while I find another guy I like and don't do anything about it because I don't know what to do. It confuses me very much. The irony is that I like a friend of theirs, but he does the same thing as me when he likes someone he doesn't do anything about it because he doesn't seem to know what to do. They say to him, "oh, you're in the friend zone again." and just says, "yes I am." But they never seem to help him. They tell him to tell the girl he likes her, but don't really help beyond that little bit of advice. It's like they're saying to him "Just knit a sweater."
Sorry I'm starting to ramble.

I hope so. Well, I know looks isn't the issue since he saw my pics, even if they are all from waist-up. He messaged me first based on the interests expressed in my profile. We already have each other's phone number and text often. Sometimes I'm still insecure but I'm making steps to change that. I know that when I'm upset I go really over the top and practically lash out verbally, I wish I didn't. Oh well, I'll try to be better about it. D: