I love my family too much

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i didn't want to put this here but here it goes, i have a single mom who had lost her job and now we are poor, more so than before, ( can't pay bills etc.) I have a younger sister whose 5 years younger than me (she's 10). That's who i live with.
My dad is a trucker, he travels out of states for many weeks, (average of maybe 3 or 4 weeks every job?) He's married, he has a wife (who i feel as though she doesn't like me much), i have a sister same age as me, and a brother who i think is twelve right now. I met them about two years ago, and i don't love as much as i think I'm supposed to, and i suppose they know that (except my dad, i guess)

I'm just gonna kill myself, doesn't bother me at all. I'm prepared and sometime this month, I'll be gone.

I just worry about my family, you know? There's nothing i can do to help them, i feel as though i only bring misery to them. What do you guys think might happen to them? I hope my little sister will be fine, I hope my mom doesn't become too depressed. I don't care much about my dad's family, they don't really care anyways. I want to do something big for my mother and sis before i go, just to help them cope. I'm truly sorry that you read this, I just had to tell someone, anybody. I love you guys, whether you hate me or not. Don't try to talk me out of it, please? I just want to go already.

P.S. If you really think about it, dying is overrated. Everybody dies, every day. Why is it so hard for people to let go?
P.S.S. I kinda hope i don't go to hell, (little religious catholic)

You don't have a Soul.
You are a Soul.
You have a Body. -anomynous


-artist: Corton Worley

Getting their permission should cover that quite well.

Meh. Go look up the cost of a funeral.

I know what your gonig through I've been there. I'm a single mom and I would be devestated if my daughter did anything to hurt herself. I can't even express how much I would miss her. Money isn't everything. The love that you have for your mother and sister is all your mother and sister ask of you. I would love to talk to you more so email me. Please.

Cathy

Last edited by cat4 on 21 Oct 2010, 11:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Killing yourself would cause your family more stress than you can comprehend, more than you could ever cause them while you are alive.

NO WAY would you be doing them a "favor". No way. They would be horribly traumatized forever. They would feel guilty for the rest of their lives. You'd essentially be ruining their lives, if you committed suicide. Worst thing you could possibly do.

And if you really do believe in the Catholic religion ~ or even if you think it's a possibility ~ why would you risk eternal damnation? (I don't believe in hell, but was raised Catholic, so I know that suicide is considered a "mortal sin" ~ it dooms you to burn in a pit of fire, forever and ever.)

I've been suicidal for probably half my life, on & off, so 25+ years altogether of wanting to kill myself. There's a big difference between wanting to and doing it. I have a deal with myself that I won't do it. There have been days where all I could tell myself was "just wait and do it tomorrow" and after a while, the desire passed. I'm not feeling it now, for instance.


There's always a better, less extreme solution than suicide. You need to look closer at your life, & figure out the details of what's bothering you about the present situation. Those are the things you need to think about changing.

Are you able to talk to your mother about your feelings? You need to figure something else out. Call a suicide hotline or something... get counseling... just determine to wait out the desire, which will pass. I like what leejosepho wrote ~ ask your mother & sister for permission to off yourself, just to be sure they agree it would be the best choice, before you do them such an irreversible "favor". If your mother isn't able to help you with this, someone else will. Don't be stupid.

Dear Meliev

You sound in such terrible pain and your love for your family touched me.

I am poor, living on state benefits and have HFA.

I have a 10 year old son who I visit every fortnight. He lives with his mum 120 miles from where I Live. I love him so much.

I became very depressed around 4 years ago and decided I could not bare to cope with life being so poor and not being able to provide the things that most Non-autistic dad's can.

I will not insult you by saying "I understand your pain" .........but , I can say with confidence that I know very well the hell that can lead one to suicide.

You have expressed how much you value us here at WP........ That's good to hear.

Would you like to tell us how you feel now after reading other peoples response to your situation?

Perhaps you might wish to use this thread to further express youself?

I did, and it would be so pointless, besides, who will visit? People's lives carry on, I'll be forgotten. Yeah, I rather be cremated, I'll write that in a note somewhere.





I love my mother, although we have arguments, i will always and forever love her. But love isn't enough for this world is it? Please don't worry about me, you have your own family to care for. But thanks for your concern, I'll be sure to pray for you and your family as i will mine. I doubt it means anything to anyone (including me, i guess) but it's the thought that counts.


All in all, I'm just gonna off myself because that's how selfish i am. It bothers me how casually i am about all this. I act as though its nothing. God, I hope i don't ruin Christmas, that would be cruel and horrible, but like i said, I'm selfish.

I don't want to make a mess for my family to clean up after me, absolutely NO blood. My mother faints if she sees a trickle of blood, I can't imagine how she would react f she sees a whole pool of it! She'll become insane for sure.

I don't have much to say anymore, because there's nothing to say. But i am so happy i could talk to someone about it, or that someone was able to hear. You have no idea how good it feels when you can share secrets, especially dark ones.
See you WP, these past few month's with you guys was good.

P.S I'll die an angel, on the 31st. Since nobody will suspect me of dressing up like an angel after Halloween, besides, it's a Sunday. I have a whole week left to dedicate to my friends, family. I'll act casually, nobody must know.

Do I have AS? I'll never know, I never had the guts to tell my doctor, and yet i match every symptom of AS.