Dealing with A Lack of Emotion

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To begin with, an introduction. I am a 23-year-old recent college graduate currently gainfully employed at a local Walmart to keep the school loan collectors from taking me to court for non-payment. I was recently and tentatively diagnosed by my therapist as having a case of highly functioning Asperger's Syndrome.

The diagnosis doesn't bother me one way or the other. My younger brother is also on the autism spectrum. Truthfully, I would rather have some answer to my ongoing issues than no answer at all. A diagnosis, at least, means I now have a spring board towards some form of treatment.

My primary issue is simply a lack of empathy for other people. I've always seen myself as the calm center the rest of the world rotates around. I was fine; Everyone else was the emotional wreck. I find it impossible to relate to events in any other way but logically, even in cases where I know I should have some sort of emotional response.

For example, a few weeks ago I was forced through a series of unfortunate circumstances to reunite with my Father, whom I had not seen or spoken to in 5 years. He lives in the same town as my family, but being Bipolar-with-Schizophrenic-tendencies, he had never attempted to contact us, and I had never seen the point of doing so myself.

Although the social interaction itself was uncomfortable, I enjoyed spending time with my Dad, discussing politics and religion and other topics on which we were both knowledgeable. I explained all of this to my therapist, along with the fact that if I weren't to initiate contact with him again (which I don't plan to), it would be no different than the apathy I show towards, say, inviting my old college friends over to my house for a visit, or going to the movies with my Mother.

I know this complete lack of emotional response can't be right, and I suppose my problem is that I fail to see how I can possibly be taught to internally experience things in a way my brain seems to be wired not to. At the same time, I desperately want to be able to experience a close relationship with another person. The two incidents of attempted dating I have had have all ended with the other girl in tears. Any attempts on their part to engage me in an emotionally or physically intimate way simply annoyed me, and the more they persisted the more dismissive I became towards them. Luckily, in both cases we also managed to remain friends, as friendships are much easier for me to maintain; People say they are drawn to my blunt, sarcastic attitude, and my intelligence, among other things.

Unfortunately, friendship just isn't what I'm looking for, as even those relationships lack any sort of emotional connection on my part. I feel like I end up doing things I don't really want to do in order to maintain relationships I don't really care about simply because I don't want to be alone, and I know that romantic entanglements are something I just haven't been able to figure out.

I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else has felt the way I do? I feel like I've hit a block and I won't be able to comfortably continue with my life until I solve this problem.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to the WP forums, MrMagpie.

Welcome to wrong planet.

Welcome!

welcome!

Welcome!

To start, yes. Others feel this way too. I often think about the feels actually experience them. Note: Any advice given is something that has or I believe has or I believe will work for me; and any advice about how other people think or feel is part of part of ongoing research and may lead to a dead end. Having said that, my first suggestion is: Be medicated. I know that's not something to take too lightly despite how quickly I suggested it, but you can't think your way to feeling something. Remember, depression isn't feeling sad, it's not feeling anything. You have a therapist so discuss it with them. If you're employed and are a college graduate then you've likely been functioning well enough so far that you don't lack motivation or energy which are usually what what would point to depression, and they say if it ain't broke don't fix it, but not feeling emotions all that much is another indicator. You're definitely going to need some human emotions of your own if you want to understand other peoples. I know after taking my first pill I felt different immediately. I know now I think more about how other people think and feel than I did before. If other people's feeling are an interesting subject for you then they won't just be a thing that's in your way.

Second: Watch more TV. I know this sounds counter intuitive to spend more time away from people, but I've found it easier to relate to fictional characters. I will refer to this example I posted here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt116829.html To summarize, I became very emotionally attached to a children's TV show because the main character's older brother (her legal guardian) reminded me of myself, but I don't have a younger sister because she died very young. There was an episode where he almost lost custody of her because he was thought to be too weird and irresponsible. The subtext being "you're too different to love or be loved by anyone, so you have to be alone". Of course it all works out in the end, but it affected be very deeply. I never had more of a emotional reaction to anything, and I wouldn't have come to this awareness of of my feelings were it not for this show. So finding something, movies, books etc. that invokes an emotional response in you may help you become more emotionally aware. Or maybe this only worked for me.

Now me telling a girl how girls think is ironic, but here we are. They want to share feelings, so you're going to need some of your own to share. I sometime run into a girl at the supermarket who I went to school with. Since an opportunity presented itself in the conversation I told that story to her about the TV show. I don't think in any past conversation I really established myself as a person with human feelings about much of anything, and she has some similar experiences that I may be able to relate to now, although not exactly the same, it's similar. So she may seem be differently. I haven't run into her since so I don't know, I'll have to see if she acts at all differently. Maybe nothing will come of it. Last I heard (which was years ago) she still had a boyfriend but I'm working on a way to steer the conversation so if she doesn't have one she can deny it without me having to ask directly.
I don't know if any of this helps, but there it is.

Hello

I'm also very logical, and I got used to it, it is a nice way to live. But it is possible to care about people, if that's what you want. Do you want to have an emotional connection with people? I always wondered if I had emotions that I didn't feel. Stress works that way, I show signs of stress when it's an occasion where I should be stressed, but I do not feel it. Perhaps you have feelings that you're unaware of, maybe we all have feelings in our bodies, but our brains are not informed of it. I don't know if this is something that really happens, but I feel like it's possible. I don't feel like I'm being relevant, but one thing you can do is try to imagine what it would be like to be somebody else. Obviously, that's impossible, which is the most important thing to know; but when you do things that upset others, are you aware of what you said or did that caused it? if so, do you understand what it means to the other person? It's not an easy thing to understand, but there are ways to figure it out. However, if another person demands an emotional connection, it would be unfair to everybody if you were to just fake it, it's good to have real emotions, and it is possible that you have them but they're hidden, in which case you might have to look for them. Sorry for my irrelevance. I must go to bed now. Maybe watch a tragic romance movie, like Titanic or something.

welcome to the boards MrMagpie.
being new myself i agree a diagnosis can itself be enough to push one's life in a more positive direction, reading these boards certainly helped with me coming to terms with my diagnosis.

i agree with MinorAnoyance, movies and tv-shows can be a powerfull emotional trigger for me as well, one of the reasons i make a point of watching doctor who alone.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

"The Girl in the Fireplace" got to me the most.