Okay, where do I start.
31 Jan 2011, 11:39 pm
I have.... a lot I just want to get off my chest. First of all, I'm nineteen, going to be twenty this year, and I'm... a lot of things. Aspergers, ADHD, OCD, EBD, Bipolar, and ODD are all on my list. Lucky enough, I've taken the high road and found out I am capable of handling myself mentally if with a few iffy moments of thought without medicine.
I live with my grandparents in the Southern United states, and I'm graduated from High School. I do a bit of work around the house when I can and do some of the things they can't. While I don't 'always' do all the work, it's because sometimes they 'just want something to do'. They feel like a lot has changed, andat htis point, on to p of needing a place to stay, I'm here to help them. My grandfather really can't go out alone because of risk of falling and other things, and my grandmother is in a wheelchair. They adopted me at a really young age, and I only recently started active contact with my parents.
I have a lot of trouble coping occassionally,, and in a sense motivation. I have very little social lif , and I'm trying to fix it. I constantly worry about my grandparents, and I'm torn between college and work, neither of which at the moent I'm doing. (It's so damn hard to find a job.)
Occassionally I wonder what I'm going to do after this(and in addition, where I'd be after my grandparents die, which is a very touchy subject ot me. I'm attached to my family. All the family that I live close too are very important to me.). Next month, I actually have something planned with a friend, but tha'ts just how often my social life goes down. Over months. I live in an armpit, so it's not like I could try acting, lest I moved (and trust me I enjoy acting), and I don't have a license.
I have really bad self-esteem from time to time, but I'm this jolly, all about round person. s**t, I'd even like to try dating maybe sometime.
How does one determine life direction and create a social life when they're manic, and feel like they might as well be having a mid-life Crisis at nineteen? I mean, and worst of all, I'm not always manic. It comes in spurs, and mind you, I prevent msyelf from having brekadowns like I used to be so prone too, but it doesn't change the fact I'll always have SOME probelm. I can make myself worry about anything. I have hobbies, I have interests, and I know who I am somewhat. But....
01 Feb 2011, 3:57 am
Hey, it's alright to feel overwhelmed - that's a lot to deal with! As for feeling like you're having a midlife crisis, they don't only happen to the middle aged, they affect anyone who feels stuck in a rut. Even NT people have problems at the stages in their lives when they're trying to figure out what to do next. There're a lot of movies out there about people who don't know where to go next after high school or college or whatever.
Having to take over as the adult with the relatives you've always depended on as they get older is a real challenge, and yeah, you won't always feel like you're coping. But the fact that you're there for your grandparents is absolutely priceless, and with all the problems you're facing, you need to give yourself credit for what a brave, loyal, loving move it is.
There's no criteria or grade where you have to know what you want to do with your life by a specific time - it takes time, and you're still really young and might need to get to know yourself better.
I'd say you need to take some kind of jump - it can be hard to see the "right" move when you're stuck in one place, so move to a new position. Also, I think as aspies we sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves to do the "right" thing, when sometimes you just have to give yourself leeway and accept that if something doesn't work out, you can shift gears and try something else. I'd say get a job rather than going to college - at least that way they're paying you rather than the other way around, and it might give you a clearer picture of what you want for your future when choosing college courses.
One other thing - did you get all your diagnoses separately or together? In my personal case I've been told I'm ADD and OCD at different times in my life, but actually both behaviours were due to my Aspergers: ADD because of sensory issues, where everything broke my concentration, and OCD because I was developing habits to try and cope with how out of control my world felt. Maybe get re-evaluated, because you might need to treat your problems differently - for example, Ritalin's going to do nothing for you if what you really need is some headphones playing white noise to block out background noises.
02 Feb 2011, 8:33 pm
Having to take over as the adult with the relatives you've always depended on as they get older is a real challenge, and yeah, you won't always feel like you're coping. But the fact that you're there for your grandparents is absolutely priceless, and with all the problems you're facing, you need to give yourself credit for what a brave, loyal, loving move it is.
There's no criteria or grade where you have to know what you want to do with your life by a specific time - it takes time, and you're still really young and might need to get to know yourself better.
I'd say you need to take some kind of jump - it can be hard to see the "right" move when you're stuck in one place, so move to a new position. Also, I think as aspies we sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves to do the "right" thing, when sometimes you just have to give yourself leeway and accept that if something doesn't work out, you can shift gears and try something else. I'd say get a job rather than going to college - at least that way they're paying you rather than the other way around, and it might give you a clearer picture of what you want for your future when choosing college courses.
One other thing - did you get all your diagnoses separately or together? In my personal case I've been told I'm ADD and OCD at different times in my life, but actually both behaviours were due to my Aspergers: ADD because of sensory issues, where everything broke my concentration, and OCD because I was developing habits to try and cope with how out of control my world felt. Maybe get re-evaluated, because you might need to treat your problems differently - for example, Ritalin's going to do nothing for you if what you really need is some headphones playing white noise to block out background noises.
Nah, I'm definitely all those conditions. Thanks for listening and stuff by the way. It's really nice to hear some feedback. I've been told by many different doctors and even my psychiatrist(who has been my psychiatrist since I was 7 years old when I was adopted) and even had to see someone in a mental institute very briefly (though it's a very very long story and this one's not entirely at my hands only >_>).
As far as the college goes, I totally get you there, and haven't done it yet, but the paying bit is actually covered. I have a scholarship for tuition and other things. I've had one job before and often helped around our property that we own for rent....
S'all just really swamping me up and all.
