New, with IEP/homework question

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Our 9-year-old son was varified as being "on the spectrum" last spring. We have had an IEP in place the last few years because of ADHD/learning disability varifications. Last year we decided to repeat third grade, since he would have another year to mature, plus he has a spring birthday and had always been one of the younger in his class. We are glad we did that, however, I think his teacher "expects" a bit more out of him this year since he's done the work already. I don't by any means want to hold him back or not push him to do his best. However, having said that, I feel like she tries to "normalize" him too much. For example, part of his IEP is that he can have 30 minutes/day in the resource room to get caught up, calm down, have a quiet place to work, etc. His teacher believes that if he needs this he is not using his time wisely. While that may be true, isn't that part of the reason to have the IEP and the quiet place in the first place. Yes, I want him to learn to cope, and yes, I want him to be able to participate in the classroom as much as possible. But lately he has been bringing home homework in practically every subject daily. I do want to say that she is overall a great teacher and does a wonderful job with Matthew. I think she has a good grasp of ADHD kids, but not so sure she does with Aspergers or really agrees with the varification of Aspergers. Any thoughts on how to handle this, or is her perspective right that he just needs to learn to cope with homework?

Thanks, Lisa

If it was me I would request an IEP meeting to get this teacher straightened out. She must follow the IEP, and she can't discriminate against a child for a disability. I'd also make sure the principal is in the loop about your concerns.

My son has ADHD and Asperger's and he's gifted, and I've had a devil of a time getting the school on board. The first step is to make sure everyone knows what is expected of them and make sure they know your concerns. They might not change anything on the IEP, but they might also tweak things.

Good luck.

Do you have access to any kind of professional who is knowledgeable about autism and would come to an IEP meeting with you as a support person? I think it really can help to have somebody else who is willing to be the "expert" and explain to the teacher what things will work. This person would appear to be more "neutral" to the teacher, and would possibly be able to convince the teacher of the needs of your son. I've had support either come, or offer to come such as: Applied Behavioral Therapists (who were daily therapists for my son when he was five, and also came to the IEP's), Social Skills therapists, Learning Center advocates (like Huntington or Sylvan), and counselors/psychologists who work at a doctor's office where my son currently receives ADHD meds and counseling.

We actually are scheduled for his IEP meeting next Thursday. His psychiatrist did come to one meeting, but we live in a very rural community and she is 60-90 minutes away, so doesn't usually work. The physical therapist that works with the school has quite a bit of experience with kids on the spectrum, in fact she has helped to get a support group started in our community. She will probably be there, so that is helpful. Thanks for your ideas.

Lisa

You could try to have the psychologist phone in to the meeting, if you think it would be helpful.

How is your principal? We've dealt with a number of issues at my daughter's school, and luckily the principal is great. When I email the principal directly she has stepped in and made sure that it is taken care of. I also agree that having the psychologist phone in to the meeting could be helpful. The teacher could be amazing, but if she doesn't understand the IEP and isn't so willing to follow it, she isn't helping your son.

At the IEP, I would try and get a dispensation on homework. My son is AS and has struggled with homework - school is for schoolwork and home is for home stuff, as far as he's concerned. Between the ages of 7-10 he was pretty much allowed to do minimal homework. Reading was encouraged . . . and then last year when he was closer to 10, he had a spelling list. There was quite a bit of flexibility. This year I will try and get him to do regular class homework, but it is fairly minimal

At this kind of age, masses of homework does nothing. Statistically it doesn't lift academic achievement . . . so why bother with too much?

Some points to make with the teacher:

AS kids tend to be on a developmentally different scale than "normal" kids. She wouldn't expect a 1st grader to "learn to cope" with the homework demands of a 3rd grader, would she? Because you cannot expect a child to "learn to cope" with something they are not developmentally ready for; all that happens is it backfires.

In addition, AS kids can have structural brain differences making it difficult for them to confront homework in the way it is assigned in most schools. They are not going to "learn to cope." They are going to get frustrated and integrate into their self-image that they cannot succeed.

What you need is absolute permission to make a judgement call on what gets done from the homework, and for her to accept your judgement.

Some strategies that will help your child learn to adapt and develop needed skills:

1) Timing out the homework. Your child may not see an end to it, he thinks it's going to take forever, and he's freaked himself out / may have given up before one mark gets made. An excellent strategy that works for both NT and AS kids 3rd - 5th grade is to tell them that IF they sit down and work hard for X minutes, you will sign them out for the night. No make up, no recess catch up; it is called FINISHED even if it isn't. The time slot can be broken up into smaller blocks, but the key is that cummulatively the child has sat down, focused, and done his best. It really teaches them to get through the mental block on just starting, which is often 3/4 of the battle. They now know for sure, without a doubt, when the end is.

2) Cutting up the homework. Your child may be overwhelmed and confused simly by looking at the number of problems on the page. Taking a piece of black paper (temporary removal) or even a black marker (permanet removal) reduces the amount the child feels he has to confront, and allows him to focus on the task at hand.

3) Substituting the homework. At times, you just can't figure out what the issue is, and he just can't do it. So, you assess what the skill is, and dream up a subsitute exercise. If something in the same line of thought doesn't work, dream up something completely different: basically, get your child to sit down and do SOMETHING. This, however, should not be done often and it should be clear to your child that you'll only do it say twice a month.

We did all of these and I'm not going to say it made homework problems disappear, because it didn't, BUT my son did learn to sit down and focus and he did eventually grow developmentally into being able to handle the homework load without any of the above. 3 - 5th grade is the PERFECT time to use creative strategies for teaching homework skills, and if you handle it right everything can be in place (more or less) for middle school (we did end up getting my son assigned a period that he uses in part as a study hall in middle school, getting homework done, because there still was a disconnect in 6th grade between the volume being assigned and the volume he could cope with, so having some homework time built into the school day helped a lot).

She needs to understand that your son's developmental ability to handle work load v. his need to learn information and think at an advanced level is going to be at a disconnect for some time, and that he needs time to develop these skills at his level, his own time and pace, before he hits the big leagues of High School. Schools are always focused on the "if he can't do this now, he won't be able to what is needed in a year" but it can get really destructive for some kids if that means pushing them into areas they simply aren't ready to handle. Recognize why the school does it, and then say that you've heard of some strategies you think will help bridge the gap and give your child time to grow into the expectations.