i find out a girl im attracted to has a BF, what now?

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This is a kinda friendship orientated question i suppose, but my goal is relationships if u get me.

Basically there's been this girl im trying to become interested in me, although from the start i don't think i was getting her sexually attraccted to me, our communication was more like we were acquaintances, kinda my fault. but anyway, she mentions she has a BF, so i thought ok i suppose i'll drop that thought

the thing was i kinda know her a bit better from anyone else in my class, so i'm thinkin mabye i'll just treat her like a freind in the hope of being looked upon more favourably by her freinds, also in my class. on the other hand, is it worth it? I get the impression she jsust doesn't care to really talk to me at all, like she'd respond to my remark breifly and look away. im thinking this mite be due to my "over-eagerness" to talk to her earlier on, for example i caught her in a store she works in a couple of months back and went to initiate a convo, but for like a min i was kinda standing there nervously with my eyes darting around while saying nothing of real interest. Obviously i don't think this has done any favours from the way she views me, girls tend to be turned off by men who show signs of social inexperience, and consequently she wouldn't be interested in a friendship. Would i have another chance to attract her to me maybe when she's out of whatever relationship she's in?

Im sure my situation seems quite insignificant to the more relationship-experienced people round here, but i'm using this example to also gain some info on how people generally "get themselves" into relationships, as i gather that in most cases u have to interest the woman sexually upon first meeting them, as opposed to situations depicted in films like Adam for example, or in other words, for her perception of u to go from awkward to very gradually "possible relationship material".

as ever, any info is greatly appreciated.

Well she has a boyfriend and isn't interested.
Try and find someone who is actually available and open to a relationship with you.
It has a much larger chance of success & chasing a girl who has a boyfriend... is just a bit weird. >.<

Maybe it's just me, but the word "boyfriend" gets rid of me faster than pepper spray.

I would just move on...

Adding to consensus. "Boyfriend" is a deal breaker. Find another girl. If you meet up with this girl later and you're both unattached, then go for it; but don't wait for her and don't pursue her while she's with someone.

Well, there's no ring on her finger, so technically, most guys would say she's fair game if you can pry her away from her current BF. That's easier said than done, though, and it really isn't a very polite thing to do on purpose. If you go after her and get into a cheating situation, you could end up in a fight with the BF. Further, if she'll cheat on him, she'll eventually cheat on you too. My advice is to let this one go. If you need to distance yourself to avoid getting emotionally stuck on her, then do that. It's ultimately going to benefit you in the long run.

Only little boys. Men don't try and steal other mens girls.

What now? NOTHING. Move on. Stay FAR AWAY from creating a f'n triangle. You'll be sorry.

there won't be a triange, because the girl clearly isn't interested.

yea the last thing i'd want to do is to get a girl to cheat on her bf, im not that into her

of course when i heard the word "bf" i didn't really think there'd be much point in persuing her romantically anymore, i just thought that i may as well talk to her if i find myself waiting outside a classroom with her as i've already kinda got to know her a little bit, as opposed to talking to woman i don't know so well. i thought this would mean it would be easier to romantically persue the girls in my classes that she knows, or at least get more experience in talking to girls within a man-woman context.

thanks for the responses, i suppose it's best to just focus on getting to know other girls better who arn't attached to my knowledge?

Yes.

Don't kill the messenger. I'm just going by what I've observed in reality. I wouldn't do this personally because I just wouldn't want to put a girl in that situation because there's a good chance she'd be hurt emotionally regardless of outcome. I would not do this out of respect for the girl's feelings, and because this scenario probably isn't going to end well for anyone involved.

That said, a lot of men think nothing of flirting not only with women with BFs, but also women who are married. You may not like or approve of this, but it happens, and if the OP did manage to get the girl, his guy friends would most likely pat him on the back or salute his manliness, or even if they disagreed they would keep quiet about it. Sorry but this is how most men work.

Pretty much sums up what i'd think, i get the impression that theres not much wrong with harmless flirting.



You make a good point. just out of curiosity, how would i know when she's unattached if i don't really speak to her? Say if she had broken up with whoever she's with now, i suppose the next time i run into her she'd seem more interested in me, so trying to get to know her better at present would be a waste of time?

Well, she knows you exist. So you go your way, she goes hers. Say sometime in the future, you're in a class together again. You say, "Hey, I remember you. You were in my [whatever] class." then there's a conversation where you catch up on what's happened in the meanwhile. You ask, "Back then you were seeing [what's his face]. Are you still together?" then she'll give you the information you'd need to know at that time.

Well, if you want to steal her you just have to befriend her and wait for the right moment to step in. It certainly can work, it's just not the most likely outcome. It's not cheating if she just openly switches partners because she's not happy and you seem like a better partner.

I'd say if she was already sending you signals, you have a very good shot. If you are starting from scratch, this is a real uphill slog. I wouldnt attempt it without encouragement from her.

Then she'd be rebounding, which means the relationship is doomed from the start. Unless he's willing to pull the tricks that boys pull when they're pretending to be a girl's friend (eg. saying things like "if I was your boyfriend...", flirting, finding excuses to be closer, giving her "friend" gifts, etc), then he runs the risk of only being considered a friend. And, if he's going to pull the tricks, then he's being underhanded and sleazy, which I'm sure is something the OP does not want to be.

Not only is this unlikely to be successful, like you said, but it's also a colossal amount of work and I'm just not sure any person is worth it.

Right. And given that we know nothing about her relationship, I'd say it's a forlorn hope.

But we don't really know where she is in her relationship. If she's at the tail end of it and ready to move on, that's an entirely different story from truly being in a relationship. If it's the end, he can just happen to be there when the tree falls, rather than actively chopping it down or playing games.

It's just timing. And I think having a sense of that is fair play. But not chopping and undermining.