I need to see the dentist, but can't make calls to get there

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Okay, so this is probably not quite Haven material, but I couldn't figure out where best to put it, and in any case, it is bothering me enough to keep me up at night.

Er. . . this should just be a quick question, but I guess some backstory is necessary to understand why I'm in this position. Basically, I'm 28 and still live with my family. Even after all these years and the angsty family drama I'm dying to get away from, I haven't yet come to a point where I'd be able to make it on my own, though I've tried numerous times. I have my unrelenting fear of social situations and calling on the phone to thank for that: it's prevented me from getting my driver's license, calling about apartments, entering college until I was 24, etc. etc.
And I know diddly squat about insurance (and wouldn't have the guts to enter an insurance building to ask anyway), so I lived on my parents' insurance until I turned 26 and the plan didn't cover me anymore. I've been able to get by well enough without it, until about a month ago.

That was when I discovered a cavity in one of my molars, and even though I informed my mom, I come from a family that, well, for the past decade, has collectively had a nasty habit of not getting things done. One thing that's been particularly bad is dentist appointments. I haven't been to the dentist in so long I'm humiliated to admit the exact time frame. And this means that I would have to take out an insurance plan and call a dentist myself, but I don't even have a job.

Since cavities are one of those things that have a short "timer" on them before things start really getting bad, I'm quite thoroughly scared to death. I don't care about the general unpleasantness that comes from getting a filling, but after everything people say about root canals, that does terrify me. Even if I don't need one or two already from whatever other cavities might have popped up in the insanely long time it's been since my last checkup, this cavity could certainly develop into something that would require a root canal if I don't learn how to conquer my fear of asking for outside help very quickly. It's already starting to hurt a little.

I really don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Last edited by kenisu3000 on 07 Mar 2011, 3:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

Have you talked to your parents about this? There really is no choice but for you to see the dentist, and soon. You cannot fix this with home remedies nor get out the electric drill to do your own repair.

You should expect the dentist to see you in at least two visits, the first being a visit to do cleaning and start of care, where the dentist will ask a bunch of questions about medical history and they may also take x-rays, which may uncover additional problems that you don't know about. The second visit will be for the actual repair of the tooth. The first visit will cost something like $200-$300 and if all you have a simple filling, the second visit will also be of similar cost if you don't have insurance. If you don't have insurance and can't afford to pay, ask your dentist if you can be placed on a state-funded program to lower your cost or be put on a payment plan.

Many dentists these days will give you a choice between amalgam fillings and a white plastic-glass composite with preference for doing the composite. I recommend the composite because it bonds to the tooth whereas amalgam forms a close-fit seal without bonding. I have had good experience so far with the composite. My dentist has used composite to reconstruct entire upper portions of crown in ways that would not be possible with amalgam.

Oh, well, yes. Just for the record, I wasn't implying I planned to do my own dental work. Maybe I should change the title of the thread.
But yeah, I did mention this to my mom, and that's the whole problem. She told me, "we'll figure something out," but that was a week or so ago, and the subject hasn't come up since. She's got so much on her plate all the time, that it's very, very easy to set her off if you mention something that needs to be taken care of more than once, especially since I'm way beyond old enough that I should be taking care of this myself.
That's what it all boils down to: I'm trapped. I don't have the basic skills to take care of myself, because so much involves the telephone, and unfamiliar situations. My fear is the culmination of years and years of social anxiety, and now I'm faced with having to undo that in time before this cavity worsens, or at least learn how to conquer it just long enough to deal with this one thing.

I hate making them too... a five minute phone call could change your life forever. But hey! you have to stop living in fear, or it'll get the best of you. I am sure you have developed many skills in your twenty eight years, you just haven't had the chance to display them yet. Social anxiety sucks! if it weren't for pot, soccer, and film, I wouldn't have any friends. I'm not saying pot is the answer, but when you think about building a community for yourself, you should ask what you enjoy the most. The more honest you are with yourself, the more likely you will attract people like you. Once you learn to trust a few close people, socializing becomes less stressful. It's all give and take.

Maybe your mom has a friend who is a dentist that could help out. But like you said, there is only so much she can do. You could get her attention by doing something nice for her, or just make a few phone calls yourself.

Good luck

I wouldn't have a root canal on a molar. I'd just have them extract the molar. If you've not been to a dentist in ages, it's possible that you still have your wisdom teeth. Your wisdom teeth will destroy your molars because there won't be enough space in your mouth for all the teeth. Your molars, which would no longer be any good, would be extracted to make room for the wisdom teeth, which would replace the molars they killed.

You have more options in addition to finding an insurance / discount plan and seeing a private dentist allowed by that plan. The first thing is that you can contact the dentists in your area to find out how much this procedure costs out-of-pocket. That would include the initial exam, x-rays, possible cleaning... everything. Get a quote so you have a ballpark. Mention that you'd like to get this done before you'd need a root canal and really need help figuring this out. You'd want the dentist office whose office staff wants to help you figure this out!

You can also visit an emergency dentist, who offer payment plans and really doesn't care if you haven't seen a dentist ever before. They've seen everything and you'd be unable to shock them. They would not shame you. The emergency dentist is probably the least anxiety-riddled option you have.

Your final option is public assistance. Sometimes the health clinics have a dental clinic. Sometimes they refer you out to a dental clinic that offers slide-scale billing and, if you qualify (which you likely do), you won't have to pay anything for it. The risk that comes with this is that you might not be treated like a rock star. Those situations bother me. I need to be respected and I know that if I'm not paying money, my risk of being disrespected in a vulnerable position is increased.

I would suggest getting your information together. Collect all the names of dentists and phone numbers that you need. Draft a list of questions that you want answered and have a notebook with a pen ready to write down the answers as they tell you. Once you pull your information together and have a plan, it might be easier to just pick up the phone and start calling.

Good luck. And you don't want to let this go for too long. I'd rather get poked in the eye with a pencil than have the nerve pain that comes from a toothache.

Thanks, all.

I actually have had my wisdom teeth out. In fact, that was the last, er, tooth-related thing I went for (I'm pretty sure wisdom tooth extraction isn't performed by dentists, technically), but still, my last actual dentist appointment was not long before that, and that was nine whole years ago.

See, I feel like I might be able to do something about this, if only I had a job. Every time I try to console myself and tell myself this cavity will get fixed in decent time, my thoughts always race back to my lack of work, and I end up with insomnia.
Another thing I have to remember is that this cavity is the only visible one I'm aware of. Needing only one filling, over nine years' time, what with my junk food intake and all . . . that can't be right. And more fillings equal more money.

But oh well, I'm just venting now. It's daytime again and that means, after my sleepless night of worry, I have the opportunity to bring this up with someone.

Well, after a couple of days of building up the courage (since taking care of a dentist appointment etc. by myself is an unfamiliar thing, it was always my mom who took care of that), I finally sucked it up and went in to the dentist's office so they could assess the damage.

Ten cavities, but at least that's not nearly as bad as I was expecting (I had readied myself for news that I'd need something like 25 fillings and about five or six root canals ). They told me the only one that needs to be taken care of ASAP was the one I knew about already. The others aren't nearly as dire, yet. The dentist then went on to tell me how, if my worst cavity reaches a certain point, I'll need either a root canal or a crown, or pull it out entirely.
I said: "Well, after everything I've heard about root canals, I'd much sooner you just extract the thing."
He replied: "They're really not that bad. You barely feel anything. You just lie down and sleep or listen to your iPod while the dentist does his thing."
And I thought to myself: "Oh yeah, and mentally associate the music I love with tooth pain the rest of my life? Right."
Maybe he just said that because, well, he's a dentist. Still, I have to wonder if root canals aren't as bad as I hear, that people are just exaggerating with their horror-stories and their terrifying vagueness as to what the pain's actually like. Whatever the case, I'm still going to try my best to avoid having to get one and find out firsthand. That might not be easy, though. Despite the threat this cavity poses, they told me the earliest they can see me is in three weeks(!) Would simply laying off sugar and soda possibly be enough to keep this mushiba from worsening to root canal/crown/extraction point until then? (Well, I can't expect you guys to answer this one, you haven't seen it.)

Get it fixed before it reaches the point of needing root canal. The dentist probably just told you that for informational purposes, and you probably won't need root canal if you haven't been experiencing a painful stage of decay for too long before getting this fixed. Even if you do need root canal, you're better off getting the root canal than extracting the tooth because if the tooth is extracted, then the gap created by extraction can cause your other teeth to migrate and loosen in a way that can cause pain and misalignment.

I've had one root canal and it wasn't that bad. They give a lot of local anesthetic for root canal, and the worst part of it is all the needles, but after the first one you won't feel a thing. About the worst thing I've had happen is that the root canal might fail if it isn't done right. In my case, the rubber filling material wasn't packed in tight enough and I had a low level infection, but the root canal was redone and that fixed the problem and I haven't had any problems with it since then. By the way, that procedure was also not painful. I also did not experience any chronic pain in or around the tooth in which I had the root canal.

I've had other teeth that were capped without root canal, and this is done when a tooth needs major repair with the support of the crown to keep it together under stress of chewing, but the root is not exposed and there is no merit in exposing the root. Even if you do need a crown, often it is likely you will not get a root canal.