Do you need a "cave" of your own to come home to?

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I don't know if this is related to sensory-issues or just feeling overwhelmed by the outside environment and needing to disconnect, but I often need my very own "cave" to come home to... some place that is dark, quiet, and free from people. If I'm not able to get to this type of environment, I feel that it's impossible to me to relax and I wear down much faster.

I used to joke that I would make a good cave-dwelling hermit. I realize now that I do need some basic level of interaction with the world, lest I get lonely. But at the end of the day, the happiest part is just coming home to be by myself.

So my question is just that...

Do you have a place that you can return to that meets the description of being quiet, comfortable, and people-free? Do you ever have problems maintaining it? How do you deal with unexpected visitors, family, outside noises?

30/70 is my good social balance
i need my own space to unwind, but crave social intraction. i just offerd a friend to come stay with me for a little wial because of a bad situation she's in. now it seems that she's now taking it more long term, and worse she is seeing it as a jump in a relationship, even though i clearly stated that i want no relationship by any defintion(we have known each other for decades), she will be moving in sooner than planned and is all ready planning on bringing more things then my space will offer. i'm sorting out in my head what to say and how to say it. in the past i would hold it in untill i exploded and i won't let that happen(she stays with me sometimes and is a little overbearing).i'm going to pick her up today(good timing on the thread) and with the right talk i know it will work out.

when i outrightly own a house I will have a cave

Yes.

Yes.

I ignore the visitors. The family is harder to ignore, as are the outside noises, and these are much more likely to cause overload and shutdown. Mostly family causes those noises.

I constantly estimate my face to face socializing in any given week to be under six hours, and some weeks it might be less than two - and both of these count the weekly one hour session with my therapist. I am not sure what would happen if I cut out face to face contact with people entirely, but I am fine with minimal direct contact.

For sure. Now that my father has passed on I have a whole five bedroom house to ramble around in. All of the time my father was alive I left him to most of it and hung out in a little bedroom in the basement. Now that he's gone I'm still hanging in my cozy corner and the rest of the house is just sitting empty. The problem now is making enough money to keep the heat and electricity on, and pay the insurance and property tax.

That seems like a pretty good balance. I dunno, for me I seem to have a daily social quota. If I don't meet that, I get lonely. Two or three days seems to be my limit before I start getting lonely or depressed. If I get too much social time, though, I start feeling overwhelmed and equally upset. When I was younger, it was harder for me to recognize that I actually DO enjoy being by myself and that there isn't something wrong with me. I used to think that everyone had to like socializing all of the time.

About your friend... be sure you specify the terms of the agreement and what is expected if she will be living with you. Put it into writing if you need to, or have her sign a "contract" if you think it might be necessary. It sounds like your friend doesn't quite understand your needs and/or doesn't quite respect the generosity of your offer... at least not yet. As with anything, communication is key. If you can't explain what your needs are, it makes it much easier for her to claim ignorance. If she knows what your rules are and ignores them, that's when the red flags start going up.

All I can think of is a similar situation where I know someone who moved in with a family member long term as an adult. The problem, of course, is that she disrespected the house, leaving a big mess behind. She didn't do the dishes, didn't clean, and didn't pay rent. She just sat around all day on the computer. Don't let this happen to you.

...Ack! I sound so negative. When it's all said and done, I'm sure it'll turn out just fine once you talk with her.

My room is my cave. I've got everything I want in here - the computer, TV, DVD player, and all of my items related to my special interests.

Sometimes it annoys me when family members need to use the computer, but other than that I am pretty much left to my own devices while I am in here. I pretty much hole myself up in here when other family members come to visit, particularly if I am in an unsociable mood. I wish my parents weren't so popular with the other members of the family, then no one would want to come visit!

I'm certainly a cave-dweller. I even have piles of books on the floor and all kinds of "decorative" objects hanging from the ceiling so I have my stalactites and stalagmites. My windows are covered by drapes over sheers and there are many colored glass objects hanging and standing in the frames, so any light is tempered. A strong fan runs constantly to drown out the noise of the neighbors, and no one is ever invited inside the cave.

Oh, and all electronic media are kept outside of the cave proper. There will be no chattering, please, even by me.

Yes. The smaller the better, with books and bikes everywhere. That's my dream home. For this last year and a half, I had to settle for my bedroom at my parent's house. I long to be on my own again, but I have to wait one more year

I don't have anything like that. Even if I tried to, my kids would just follow me and ruin it.

I would say that since I started having to share a room 3 years ago, I don't. But that isn't true. I never had one. Even when I DID have a locking door, my mom would bang on the door or the walls or, on one occasion, break the lock and come in.

I would LOVE to have a "cave". Ideally it would be green and black, posters everywhere. A ball python, my longboard (I don't like that I have to keep it outside), various musical instruments....etc. Just...a room that looks like I belong in it. I have never had that. My mom or my grandparents have always controlled the look of my room. I have never even been allowed to put posters on the walls.

In the small apartment I share with my gf, I sadly don't have a cave to myself. She and I share a table as our computer desks and my back is safely settled against the wall, so I can at least pretend it's my zone when she isn't trying to get my attention.

Headphones work wonders for shutting out the distracting world.

Ah yes, the over-controlling mother invasion. I have had that many times as well. She bangs the door open only to give one of her diatribes, then she complains when I don't respond politely. Does she expect me to be respectful after she just came in my cave? geesh. She never knocks, so sometimes she comes in when I'm changing. There was a point where I would just walk away as she was talking and find another room with a lock. Eventually all the bedroom and bathroom doors in our house were broken.

I have a very nice cave.

Through most of my 20s, I lived alone in a series of very small apartments. Very cavelike. One was a cabin alongside a river up in the mountains. That was the best. These days, my life is much different and I very much enjoy the people I'm surrounded by at home (wife and 3 kids) so it's OK. I still need my time alone though and I have no trouble finding it ... but no cave at home.

Do I have one? No

Do I need one? Yes.