Are Aspies good at imagining how someone else feels?

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justjelliot
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06 Jul 2011, 11:21 pm

When I was a kid, I made fun of another kid. My mother shamed me, and asked me to imagine what it would be like if I were the one being made fun of. This changed my life. I often imagine what it would be like if I were from a different country, SES, race, background, etc. I have a hard time being mean or responding mean to rude people because I always wonder what they went through that day, and it might just be that their dog ran away, and nothing I did. I also tend to defend people who abuse and manipulate people, even when I know they're doing it. I recognize some people's upbringing, how they came to think such behaviors are acceptable, and really just pity them. I think I am a very merciful person (most of the time) and therefore don't feel the need to always defend myself or pursue 'justice' (or the illusion of it) and just let things go. I already care very little of what people think of me, and think people who view me as a coward or less of a man for letting something go are people I wouldn't want to think highly of me in the first place.

Last week I was selling a textbook back to my university, for one of the managers to tell me I didn't buy it there, he never would have let it go on the shelves, as it was an 'international edition' or whatever. I did buy it there. He then 'implied without saying' that I got it off Amazon or something, and was trying to cheat them and rip them off, and he wasn't going to allow it. He asked for the receipt, which I didn't have because I didn't think there would be a problem, in five years there hadn't been one before. He snickered 'of course you don't' and ended up saying if I brought in a bank statement he'd consider buying it back. I did, with the prices of the books I bought equaling the statement amount, and he paid me back. Some people said I should get his name, write a report, etc. I just kept wondering how often the poor guy had to deal with obnoxious students who would try that, how tough his job must be, and then after I showed him the statement, I felt sorry for how embarrassed he must be.

Can anybody relate to this?


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lostonearth35
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07 Jul 2011, 6:36 am

When someone is rude or acts like nasty to me I find it hard to feel bad for them. Some people just like to be jerks because it's "fun", or they're displacing their aggression on you since they know they can't take it out on the person they think deserves it, like say, their boss or a teacher. When someone acts like that to me it feels pretty personal. Although recently I think stuff like, "the bus driver is in a bad mood because it's hot out and he has to drive this vehicle with no air conditioning or fans and can't even open a window." I took the bus somewhere yesterday and it was almost unbearable just being on it, but at least I could get off and didn't have to drive it everywhere! Whenever I feel like complaining about certain things I do try to think about other people who have it worse. Funny, aren't people with AS supposed to be self-centered and think only about themselves? :)



Kookygirl
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07 Jul 2011, 7:22 am

I do this too. I'm constantly looking at people and trying to figure out why they do the things they do. I think it's because I don't really have that natural instinct to figure people out so I go through all the possible reasons that they could be acting that way, looking at it logically rather than instinctively. This usually means I think of things other people don't because they respond emotionally.



JMG
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07 Jul 2011, 7:51 am

I'm certainly not. I always feel as though i'm worse off than anyone else alive.



marshall
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07 Jul 2011, 1:01 pm

It depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling okay about myself I can blow it off or even feel sorry for the person. However, if I'm feeling like crap myself I don't want to take any s**t from anyone regardless. It's a grave insult and injury to take s**t from someone who probably isn't in as bad a state as I am so I will blow up in their face and force them to respect me or f**k off.



wavefreak58
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07 Jul 2011, 4:25 pm

Imagining how another person feels is easy.

Correctly imagining their feelings is an entirely different thing.


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Dantac
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07 Jul 2011, 5:03 pm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_neuron

Studies have shown those with AS and other forms of autism literally always have troubles with these neural structures. They either misfire or dont work at all. This affects the development of social cue recognition, some learning skills and hampers the brain's performance during verbal socializing and interpersonal relationships.

Do any of this sound familiar? hmmm!