Bullying Amongst People on the Spectrum

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I'm friends with a group of people on the spectrum who all attended a high school where there is a program specifically for people with ASD: all recent graduates or alumni of the program. The program is so big that the students seem to have divided up into two social groups...one that is more socially skilled than the other.

I don't really have a problem with this, but the problem I have is that the group I am friends with (the more socially skilled group) has been bullying a member of the other group. This person, D. is apparently very awkward and the only people he considers his friends are this group...or so he thinks. His main problems. according to the group, include calling people too frequently (including at their workplaces), inappropriate flirting, and approaching them at inappropriate times. They have also discussed these issues with him, but he is the type who needs a lot of coaching.

The last time I was with this group was during A, (a girl in the group)'s birthday party, and she took steps to ensure D. was not invited. He seems to be a running joke with this group, with them all gossiping about some scenario involving him every time they meet. A., however, decided to take it a step further and ended up prank calling him from the birthday party. She pretended that none of the other 10 or so group members were there and said she was having her cousins over, with everyone else trying not to laugh.

I do think this bullying should be stopped, but at the same time, I still want to be friends with the group and be included. It's a tough situation. I want D. to see the effect of his behaviour on the others and for him to gradually learn more appropriate skills, but at the same time, the way the other group is singling him out because of this is unacceptable. For now, I'm not really going to respond to their attempts to do so, simply because it's immature and I want them to learn better ways to deal with the situation.

I guess my questions are: 1) what would you do in this situation? and 2) is this common among the AS population? Have you seen other instances of this happening and if so, what did you do about it?

I'd speak up and tell them that it's not on, that they're being mean and to cut it out. If they persisted, I'd find nicer, kinder friends. But then I'm an aspie, so what do I know.

I don't think it's common for Aspies, usually I think they don't do such behaviour.
In the end we have to decide what we can reconcile with our conscience. That depends on your values you have in your life.
If I would be you I would try to talk with those people about the situation and ask them how they would feel. I would tell them that I would like to be still part of this one group (more social) but I would like also befriend with D.
If they say they don't want accept them and give them a chance to live a I would leave this group and befriend with this one person. I don't wish to be a part of people who act that way, especially if they should have much more understanding than others.
If people cut D. off social events and happenings, how should he ever improve his behaviour and overcome his awkwardness? It's just unfair and people have to stop it. Actually it's up to you to make a stand. We can speak up for our convictions and that means sometimes to run against the grain and the flow and to make decisions. The values of society are made by everyone of us.
And actually this story proves one thing: Who is now more social? The people who think they have more skills or your friend who just wish to be part and have a social life?

I'm not surprised by this; I've witnessed it and I'll even say that I've done it, though only as a way to channel out frustration, depression and anxieties. I would not dream of doing so in my right mind.

I was once in a similar scenario, except it was in the workplace. The office manager seemed very friendly to me at first, and often consulted with me about various aspects of the job. Then a new woman was hired, whom I will call A, and the manager at first included us both in after work events. But another woman was hired after that, whom I will call B. This B woman came across with Aspie traits. (At this time I didn't know that I was on the spectrum.) I had a problem with B not returning paperwork on time, and not seeming to care. I complained to the manager, and over time she and woman A began making fun of this woman behind her back, and then the unkind behavior started to come out in the open. They still included me in the after work activities, but I felt that I was expected to make mean remarks about woman B and to be scornful of her while in the office.

I felt torn; on the one hand, I felt that if I sided with B, I would soon be out in the cold. I had enjoyed this feeling of inclusion for the first time in my life. And, I was finally part of a clique. The three of us went out to dinner once a week, and sometimes we would eat lunch together. But as the unkindness continued, I felt that I must defend B. But it was too late. B had asked for a transfer. After that, the manager and woman A began to turn against me. They started finding fault with my work, and even complained to the regional manager. I ended up being offered a transfer to another facility. What I learned from this, was that no matter what I did, these women would have eventually turned against me. They were not very nice people, and took far too much pleasure in being mean to others. The price for this acceptance into the clique was that I be unkind to people. But at least I tried to stick up for woman B. I now am a lot more selective of who I befriend.

They sound more preps vs. awkward, socially inept people.

Bullying cliques are evil and they will force you to choose between bullying along with them, and the right thing to do. The temporary comfort of fitting in won't make you happy in the long run.

As I said on another discussion, I may appear to draw the line too hard, but I draw it. Zero tolerance from me on disrespect. I will win that battle.

Im sorry, but I find it hard to believe that a person with Aspergers can generate the interest to be friends with that group. Their humor is directly boring.