My mother has been struggling with a terminal illness for quite some time, and I have recently been told that she only has a few days left. Awhile back, while dealing with this along with a psychiatric medication issue at the time, I was having a severe paranoia episode (I have always been prone to such things, but this was very extreme even for me), and I took someone's post on this site completely out of context and lashed out at them. It was not like me at all; I'm sure I came across as very immature, selfish, and mean. I've sincerely apologized to that person (and am glad that my apology was accepted), and I also apologize to anyone else who saw how I behaved at the time. I was absolutely not myself; truly non compos mentis.
I, along with other family members, have supported my mother, hoping that her condition wasn't terminal. All along I've been praying to whatever sentient cosmic force that may be out there that she would recover. But now she is at the point that there is no chance at all for recovery, and she has virtually no awareness of her surroundings anymore. Today she only had enough awareness to squeeze my hand. Tomorrow, no one knows if she'll even be that lucid. At this point I can only pray for her sake that her suffering will end soon and that she will go peacefully. My family and I selflessly love her way too much to have her become a shell that is simply kept breathing by machines.
I realize that, as someone with multiple mental disorders, I was often a very difficult child/teen to raise. But one thing I'm glad about is that I've always told my mother that I love her, as she has always loved me. As an adult, I've also tried to keep a habit of telling my close friends that I love them. Remember that life is short, and you never know how much shorter it will be for some people than for others. If you love someone, whether they're a family member, a friend, your significant other, whomever, tell them so. Best to you all. Each and every one of you.
13 Jul 2011, 8:23 pm
