I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY

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I have difficulty socializing because you need to make a major effort to be around new people. I hate the bars and club atmosphere because of the crowds and loud noises. Going to family gatherings or being strangers is hard because i get nervous. My favorite time to go to the mall and movies is during the school year when everyone is in school or in college. It is not as loud and more peaceful at that time. Hopefully someday i will enjoy amusement parks but i hate the rides. Although i enjoy music concerts but that could be because it is seeing my favorite artist perform live.

It sucks. How old are you? I feel it gets better with time. Maybe its a self confidence growing over time thing.

Once you stop being so hard on yourself and over analyzing how you act, it will be better.

i do as well

over the years i have learned some habits which help me out,
as i have children i am required to do stuff which i would not do , due to my issues

for meetings if i am first in the room, i am able to deal with the room filling up. as opposed to entering a room with 30 ppl, and not being able to follow the mtg.

i compare it to a frog in water which is slowly being heated, he does not jump out.
but a frog placed in hot water will jump out.

outside of work i apply this habit to social events, spectator sports etc. i arrive early,
my son hates this. early to everything.

Social anxiety is surprisingly varied. I'm perfectly fine in crowds and gatherings, as long as I can remain anonymous or impersonal. In fact I am a vary good public speaker. However, I fear anything intimate or casual.

I can relate to this. I have never feared crowds and I love being on stage.
Actually I know I also naturally like to be person to person, but I had a
very difficult childhood, being an orphan and therefore scorned even
before anybody knew me.

With time it got to me. So I had some years in my teens where I had a
constant underlying nagging anxiety. I had a period of several months
where it made me very quiet around people on personal terms or in
small groups.

All I knew was that others didn't want anything to do with me, and I suffered
a lot with being an outsider and isolated because my nature is the opposite
of that.
Somehow I've always remained convinced I'm a great person and worthy
of others' respect. That has helped me through the years.

It's funny how a bad start can become self-enhancing. I fought it for years
during my childhood, but eventually it did affect the way I behaved because
I expected resentment, and you know how it is: You get what you expect
to get.

Once I got away from the situation of my childhood where I was an outsider
by definition, and my teens during which I lived on the streets and was an
outsider in a more broad manner of speaking, things changed. I got proof
over and over that I can be very good with people if only they don't know
I am supposed to be shunned, and if only I don't somehow project this to
them.

But what you learn during childhood about the way others see you can be
very difficult to change. It's like an internal force that demands being credited.

I still have some anxiety. It has become a habitual neural behavior, so I can't
avoid it completely, even when I know there's no outside reasons for being
anxious. The good thing is I can ignore it almost completely, and that in itself
helps reduce the symptoms.

Another thing is that controlling your environment is very helpful as well.
Don't put yourself into situations that you know will result in raging anxiety.
It's not worth it. Seek successes by seeking the situation where you find you
can manage social interaction.

I didn't have any choice, but luckily most people are not forced to remain
in an exposed situation 24/7. Having time off stressful social interaction
is important to give your nerves an opportunity to relax and don't get
stuck with anxiety.

Puzelle, you make some very good points.

Thanks, John.