Want to suicide, but afraid

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I feel hopeless and came up with a 4 page list of reasons why Im worthless and really want to kill myself. I just cant stand living in this world any longer. But I'm afraid that if hell exists, I'll be damned forever. Or if there's some sort of afterlife or astral plane, all my problems will just follow me and I'll never escape. Not even reincarnation gives me any comfort because Im afraid my energy will be the same in a different life, just a never ending cycle of grief. If god exists, this is his fault for making me like this. Why do you have such a f*****g sick sense of humor?

Yeah I used to feel like that before I gave up on religion.......I still get suicidal sometimes but being afraid of hell does not deter me and I don't feel like there is a concious god who actually intentionally made me the way I am ensuring I would have difficulties. But why do you want to do that anyways?

I want to see this 4-page list. For the purpose of showing you why you have every reason to live and enjoy life.

You are right to be afraid - killing yourself is not the answer and your fear is a sign that on some level you know that.
the way things are at this moment are not the way they have to be.
change is possible, hell it is inevitable. It can lead to a life that
will make you want to laugh at the things on your 4 page list.

I sometimes struggle with depression, too. And sometimes thoughts of suicide have hit me so fast and so hard that it scares me. I have learned to take a deep breath and kind of view it as a wave, it might rise, but it will also fall.

I am actually doing better these days. Maybe it's certain seasons the waves come

When there's not hope. When there's not connection right now. And some outside chance of some pale connection in the future, that's not the least bit motivating right now. I want a visceral, emotional connection now.

One hope, I think Aspie rights will be a bigger issue in the future, Oh absolutely, like Civil Rights, like gay rights, like disability rights in the 1970s and the "roll ins", but this one, kind of the right to be different in a way that matters.

I think we will both make more connections with each other and with non-aspie people in the broader world. In fact, I just made a post to broadening out to other groups if you're interested http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt174092.html
It will come, it will just come unpredictably, sporadic, and that's okay. s**t, sometimes just plain luck, good things happen.

Hell is a fiction made up to control people. Why would a benevolent God create eternal torment? Indeed, why would he cast anyone into eternal torment for the faults that he gave them in the first place?

Killing yourself is AN answer. It's probably not the right one - there are good reasons for it, but not many, and I severely doubt you have any of them. I grew up lonely and confused, and even now (at 32) I get bouts of depression. I get through them. Knowing that I can get through them is the main reason I do.

Lampost, your life is probably not a bed of roses, but it's nowhere near bad enough to quit just yet. It can and will get better. You're always free to post your concerns here, and you'll find plenty of support. I doubt there's anything in your life that hasn't been experienced by someone on these forums.

Just don't pay any attention to the doom-mongering of the more... zealous religious members. They are terrified not of Hell but that there is no Hell, for then all their fear and guilt has been for absolutely nothing.

I think it's okay to be religious, it's okay not to be religious. I mean, a lot of things none of us are ever going to understand anyway.

And some ministers are going to be good counselors and some aren't.

With everyday secular psychologists and psychiatrists, I think it's 50-50. I mean, about 50% of them are just braying jackasses who like to hear themselves talk, are big egotists in other words. And others are crummy for other reasons. I think it's about 1 out of 3 psychologists who end up being helpful. And we can learn these skills, too. I mean, we can learn medium step by medium step how to suss out whether a particular psychologist is going to helpful. And I'm not deciding for all time. I'm just deciding whether this particular counsellor is helpful for me at this particular stage of my life.

Now, some of it's lack of belief in the future (often for good reason! And again, I want good stuff now, not at some indefinite time in the future). But, the interesting part, I think this can often spill over to the biochem aspect, which is one of the things that can make depression so maddeningly difficult to deal with. And on this biochem aspect, it's trial and error and light touch in a respectable way, and in no way is a person stuck with a psychiatrist. A person can go to a 'regular' doctor like an internist and get a prescription for an antidepressant, which might take a month to tell whether or not it's going to work and that's just where the science is at this time. "Treating depression can be hit or miss (2009 article)" http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt163505.html Or, a person can go to a psychiatrist. It is individual choice.
So, the way to play and win this game, have the patience and a good doctor, or doctor shop if needed, and go through a series. Also, experiment with diet, works great for some people, doesn't do a thing for others.
(I have not yet tried antidepressants myself, but am warming to the idea. I think it's a good Ace to play if needed.)

And use us here at WP as a resource. We don't always respond. We don't always give the greatest advice. Just ask us in different ways.

you should probably tear up that list. and get someone else to write a better one. anyone with the abilty to come up with 4pages or any list without their imagination running flat must have at least a few good traits. i insist. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just having a hard time

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOTjHVEmZgU[/youtube]

Killing yourself may be the answer. If you're life is that bad and there's no way to change it...

You'd want to be damn sure though. There is usually a way to improve if you put your mind to it. Most suicide attempts fail the first time btw. You don't want to give it a go only to be stuck in an even worse situation. If you're fearful of some further cycle of grief in the afterlife then you're not ready for death.

Ask yourself some questions: what would it take to improve my life? What would it take to make it worthwhile? Maybe we can help you. Maybe you can help yourself.

Who said God was benevolent? Anyone that's read the bible can you tell you he's not.

One of the main reasons I don't top myself is because of the heartbreak it'd cause. Some mornings and nights I indeed contemplate the deed, but then I rise out of bed, have a cup of tea/coffee, eat breakfast and forget about it until the insidious thought creeps back into the back of my brain. Then the whole ordeal starts over again. Even my dreams are becoming nightmarish in a trite, mundane way. f*****g subconscious haunted by the banalities of day to day life. Must be the fluoride calcifying my pineal gland. What else could it be?


Point being, if there is a point, give life a chance until you're at least forty or fifty and then if it still isn't working out, perhaps exiting stage left would be a suitable option. That's my plan, anyways. Getting old and croaking away the last minutes of this wretched existence in a dank nursing home isn't worth it.

Just my two cents.

You don't have to worry about going to hell, but in NDE research it is noted that all attempted suicide's were later met with regret. One thing is certain though is and that your conscious will survive. Now what exactly will happen, no one knows for sure, but I personally think NDE and OBE research is as close to the truth as your going to get. Mainstream religious doctrine should not even be considered in my opinion, it does nothing but promote fear and worry, don't bother looking to any religious institution for spirituality or truth because they don't have any.

The OT part, I quite agree. He's a monster that should not be worshipped but fought.
But the NT part - that goes to great lengths to say how wonderful he is. Jesus couldn't sing his praises enough, even after his loving father arranged for him to be put to death.



No, there's been no concrete research on that front, just wishful thinking. The problem with using NDEs to determine that is that they aren't dead. Consciousness survives because it hasn't really ended.

But I agree with you on the mainstream religion. Never trust anyone who claims to know the Truth, for the wise are always in doubt. Only fools are certain about anything.

Consciousness requires a brain. Once the brain shuts down completely your mind and your memories are gone. If there is an afterlife you would still require a brain in order for your mind to function. Or some magic fairytale equivalent.

If I remember correctly a brain can go 10 seconds without oxygen before it starts to deteriorate.

Please... It's not even an issue to debate. There are methods out there that even you 2 can research and get practical results to induce OBE's and such. some of which I have used personally to induce an OBE (ive only had one) and lucid dreams. Would you seriously just completely dismiss a topic simply because it's not talked about in the mainstream media and academics? How narrow-minded and ignorant can you be? Better go back and do your homework because even the US gov and Russia have done research and experiments on the subject.

You need a physical brain to be conscious? Were dealing with forces here that extend far beyond your worldly-materialistic ideology, the unknown entity that inhabits the human body is still enveloped in mystery.

Let me put it into contrast so that even you two could understand. There's no "solid physical proof" that time exists. Yet I'm sure you wouldn't have any problem coming out and saying that it exists because you experience it every day, but could you capture time and put it in
a jar and examine it with a microscope? perhaps even take a photograph of it? No... And so it is with OBE's and psychic phenomena. So you see that whole physical proof materialistic ideology cannot possibly explain everything and you will never understand your own conscious or the universe (if thats even possible) if you think like that.

Heh... I suppose for certain people its easier to just sit back and let popular media tell you what to believe and how to think. Don't dismiss something just because there's no "physical proof". Boy I tell you what, governments like to pull that one on the public all the time and it always works because people like the 2 above will believe anything just because it was said on the news or written in Nat Geo. Shame

I have had suicidal thoughts for 20 years. These days I have them almost every day.
I think my mind is so obsessive about certain subjects, collecting, labelling, researching that I cannot switch it off.
I'm in a catch 22 situation where I hate life, but I'm fascinated by it aswell.
I'm an Athiest, not that it helps much, it's dog eat dog out there.