Aspies being popular?

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There is this one "NT" forum that I'm a part of, and as it happens the most popular person on the forums, who became the site owner after the old site owner fell put of the favor and there was a revolution, has AS. This might not as unusual as it sounds, as the key discussion point of the forum is not something that a lot of normal people would be interested in, but the majority of the forum is still NT. As for the reasons he is popular, he is intelligent and logical, he isn't a troll, he is nice and helpful, and he is honest. Chances are that in the proper environment Aspie traits are desirable in a person.

Now let me speak of my self. First things first, the social structure in my grade is completely warped. There really is no "most popular clique" or anything, and a values are put on different things than in a normal social group. For example, the "nerdiest" kid, as in the kid who is the closest in personality and interests to the stereotypical nerd, is actually one of the most popular kids, even though he is frequently mocked in a joking manner. There is only one kid who is actually really hated by any one, and that's because he is a jerk. (Even though I do find him to be a bit of a jerk, I don't hate him and I feel that he does not deserve the treatment he receives, and the rest of the class doesn't seem to realize that they are bullying him. ) He has ADHD, but there is one other kid with ADHD, who while not particularly popular is a pretty nice guy and isn't hated. As for myself, I wouldn't say that I'm popular, but I'm definitely a major figure and I'm definately a part of the closest thing there is to an in-group, and I'm fairly well liked. I'm a lot more popular here than I was at any other school, and I believe it's a combination of a change in personallity and being a part of a more accepting environment.

There seems to be quite a few celeberties with Aspergers Syndrome, and they seem to be pretty well liked in the general eye of the public, even if they weren't so well liked on a more personal level, expecially before they reached fame. So anyway, does anyone else feel that there is actually a likable element to aspies that isn't usually seen?

I was considered very leader like towards most of the artistic students. I was bullied in grade school, but in high school things were different. I was liked by teachers and students. I still spent a lot of time by myself but other people thought I was cool because of it. I was very nice to my classmates. I even became friendly with a girl that tried to bully me in my first year of high school. She came up to me and I asked me if I was looking for a fight with her, and I said why would I be looking for a fight with you clearly your more superior, so you'd better not let anyone catch you talking to a loser like me. A year later I helped her with her homework because she was skipping class. After that she was always nice to me.

Hi yes I think so. Several times in my life I have found myself to be popular amongst peers. It didn't last but when it did it seemed like I was the dogs boll**ks. I think people like you if you don't take yourself too seriously, can laugh at yourself, and make others laugh. They also like sarcasm when it is directed at worthy targets. Remember, Aspie's can act, and we do it through most of our lives. The trick is to find the best act for the people you are amongst. That is difficult though and my popular stints have been unplanned and unexpected. Usually I did not realize I was popular until it was over.

I think Aspies can be as likable as anyone else. A lot of Aspies are very compassionate, which is a likable trait. I think part of the reason Aspies are "unlikable" is that they come across as wanting to be friends when they either are just being "friendly" but don't want to be friends, or they want to be friends but don't define friendship the same way. I read a bunch of books on female bullies, which were essentially about how girls interact in public schools, and at least one of them talked about how girls fostered friendships by exchanging secrets. I would never do that. It didn't matter how close someone was, I wasn't going to tell them some things about myself, and I wasn't going to betray someone else by telling their secrets. So if a girl wanted to be my friend, or thought I wanted to be her friend, and we got to the "secret sharing" phase, she'd feel like I was lying about wanting to be friends because I wouldn't act like a friend. And lying is not likable.

I wasn't lying, but I didn't define friendship that way. I suspect Aspies define a lot of social interaction differently; add that in to being poor at reading social signals and poor at sending them, and that's an unlikable trait. But people who are more willing to let the other person define the situation discover that the Aspie is honest and compassionate, very likable traits. So a person who is unlikable in a group that has a very rigid definition of friendship -- friends "have to" talk on the phone everyday/hang out together all the time/share all their secrets/discuss their crushes/whatever -- may be very likable in a group that just expects friends to be kind and considerate and then each friendship is allowed to work in its own way.

I was popular in real life in first grade becuase I was "mothered" by a group of popular girls and I was the teacher's favorite.

I'm wary of popular individuals and of being popular......so many popular people and things annoy me. On the other hand I think that being likeable could be good, within reason.

I guess I feel that anybody who was so cosmic that I looked up to them, wouldn't want me to look up to them, and would try to ensure that we saw each other as equals..

Also, maybe popularity is rather like money, in that it's OK to want enough to get by on and a bit over for the occasional treat, but taken to excess it could be messing it up for everybody else. I don't like to see loads of people giving too much attention to one individual, because that leaves less attention for me.

ToughDiamond - I like the analogy with money.

Robdemanc - "I didn't realise I was popular until it was over" me and you both mate. I have been very lucky to have been popular all the way through school, college and uni. My first taste of being unpopular, talked about and bullied was during my Masters year. It happened when we had to do a term long (11 weeks) design project, which was all about team work. So it didn't suit me at all. Hey, ho, I know that now, so it's okay. Also, it was just such a shook to the system.

Ganondox - Your question: " does anyone else feel that there is actually a likeable element to aspies that isn't usually seen?"

I hope this isn't too list like, but here goes;
truthful (lots of my friends like this about me - but I always warn the girls not to ask me my opinion on their clothes/weight/hair etc...)
passionate (some people don't like this)
objective (it makes me a good scientist, and in that arena it makes me very likeable as a colleague)
precise/accurate (this usually bugs non-geeks, but geeks seem to be happy with it)
informative (again geeks happy, non-geeks depends)
not into gossip (this trait is usually appreciated more by people on the edge or older people)
loner (even this can be a desirable trait as you are not a needy friend who has to be phoned all the time)

Hope that list makes sense.

Robdemanc - "dog's boll**ks" you make me laugh. I'm guessing your British.

Yes I am a brit. I didn't know it was only brits who said that though.

I was popular when I was in Grade 1. I stayed for lunch one day and all the kids in my class tried to sit at my desk at lunchtime. The teacher told us to sit around the table, if we were going to eat together.

I do. There are many hidden likable attributes to aspies/autistics that only a handful of people around them would see by rule of thumb. The others are ignorant folks or are simply not interested in them. There are quite a few people who actually like me, and for that, I'm grateful.

I've never been popular in the eyes of my peers, unless being "clown of the class" at 2nd grade counts. It's not that I've never tried to please people, including my peers. Quite the contrary. I just didn't understand a whole lot of the rules of social relationships.

Being unpopular hurts (and did hurt) sometimes, but I've put up with it. This is the way I am.

In school I was not popular but I also didn't got bullied. I was very absent from the other children and very calm and very shy and sometimes they were even more "mothering" me. I was in a way "popular" when it came to a special interest, because I went so deep in it, so when someone else was "connected" they liked me because of my knowledge and passion for it.
Now I know people, they like me for who I am and point out more the qualities I have because of autism. They call it "special" (though I am a little bit scared of this word), but they like what I can add what other people cannot add. They like my perception of the world. And when I get into trouble with the neuro-typical perception of the world, they explain it to me.
They support me a lot and I am greatful for it.
I also write in a "neuro-typical forum" and there are people, who appreciate my non-conformistic view that I have, my intelligence and a sort of intuitive perception, which is obviously not common for nt's, but don't ask me, what it is, I guess, I just make other connections out of what they write.

Last edited by Eloa on 02 Nov 2011, 6:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think that it is difficult for many people to get past the lack of social connection they feel with autistics to get to the likabilities.

I've got to wonder how much of your description of your school is just your own perspective. If it is, that's actually a good thing in some ways, but could be a problem in other ways. It's nice to be able to ignore negative aspects of those around you, if it's purposeful ignoring (in other words you know what's really going on, but choose to focus only on the positive), but it can be dangerous to not recognize manipulative behaviors around you.

For your sake, I hope your perception of the people in your school is actually accurate.

My own kids claim no bullying goes on at their schools, but I find that very hard to believe. I think what is really going on is that bullying does happen, but they just don't see it for what it is.

I do hope I'm wrong, because I'm not there, and there's nothing I can do about it unless I know.

Well it is mostly my own perspective, but it's not just my own perspective and parts it are really more of what other people say than my own beliefs. I go to a private, international school were everyone except for the teachers are a lot wealthier than I am, and naturally the classes are smaller and more closely knit than at larger school, and my class is known for being one of the best and most closely intertwined of the classes. The culture there is a mixture between the very social Brazilian culture and the diplomatic international culture, so people are a lot more accepting than in most places. As I'm only one viewpoint onto this I'm not completely accurate, but the social structure here is definitely abnormal.

Ganondox - your school sounds good and sounds as though you enjoy it, which is the main thing.

Do you find it difficult being around peers who are "wealthier"? The local group I'm in at the moment is very wealthy. To give an example my neighbours house is on the market for 3.5 million pounds and it's not even semi-detached, let alone detached. Which is pretty standard in most parts of London. I've lived in rich areas of London before, but they were in Central London, so there was always a mixture of people around and I was at uni so it didn't matter, because I had a few state school friends. But where I live now, I've only met one person a similar age to me, who doesn't have children or a husband, and that was only a month ago. I've lived here for 6 years! So I actually find the time of life issue more difficult i.e. none of my local friends can meet in the evenings because they have to help their children with homework, make tea (that means dinner BTW) and get them ready for bed. I have a couple of friends who are older and their children are adults now, but they are past the "lets hang out and eat pizza and watch a film/movie" stage of life. I never realised that this was a stage of life as I haven't got past it yet!

Okay, I'm waffling now. TTFN (ta ta for now)