So lonely in love with an Aspie!!

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I'm feeling frustrated with my sweets (Aspie bf). He has been distant since since I told him I love him in a text last week... He has told me he loves me in the past. We dont say it very much and we dont hug or kiss unless were gonna be intimate and even then he will hardly look me in the face.... I love being with him. He is sweet & honest. Sometimes so honest it hurts. I try to be understanding about his needs but I have NEEDS too. I want to be huged and told im loved. UGH!! !! !! ! Sometimes, I think he is using me just for sex.... I know he is not gonna change. I wonder sometimes if he would act differently (more affectionate) with a girl if he truly loved them......Its almost like he is 2 people. When we allows himself to relax, he tells me the sweetest things. How much he loves and appreciates me. But, the next day he will act like he never said thoes things.... IT HURTS!! !! BOO HOO....

Aww girlie, wish I could give you a hug. I know it hurts, try best to be patient.
Try not to think about all the things you think you need from him.
Your resentment towards not getting those needs met will fester like a disease that sickens the whole relationship.
Instead, every time you start to feel resentment, come read these forums and try to see the situation from his perspective.
It will remind you that he doesn't mean to hurt you at all. It is silly for us to feel hurt when they don't mean to cause it, even though our lifetime of conditioning tells us to be hurt.
Sex is one of the ways he knows how to tell you he loves you. Enjoy it! Some AS partners have trouble with even that.

I know exactly how you feel. I call it push/pull. Drives me crazy. Makes me ask myself: Am I strong enough to be with this man?
Then just when I want to give up, he says or does something that makes me sure again. They don't have to say they love you. They may even deny it sometimes. But you know it if you know it. If I get interested in my own life and do my own thing, he comes around. Either way, can you ever get such honesty and devotion from anyone else? I was sick of lying men. Now I'm going to complain when I get one that is honest to a fault? I don't think so! ( ;

DrDiva:

Amen to 100% of what you just said!

Thanks you ladies for responding and validating my feelings.... I usually am very stong and understanding. Sometimes, I just get tired and frustrated. When I made the post, I was searching for anyone who understands because I have no one to talk to about my LOVE. I do love him sooooooo.... Thanks fot the virtual HUG too. Based on your responses, I know you understand. So appreciated ! !! !

Anytime!!

Those are the same reasons I came to WP and it's been my saving grace. I too have no one else I can talk to about this. It's amazing how many times I read a post and I'm like "that's what I'm going through".

This is a good place to be.

Same here!
Reading posts here always helps me get through the next 'push'

I also want to thank all the aspies on these forums that put up with our confused questions and emotional rants..

I too thank you!

I think I may be the only Aspie man who (1) is affectionate and likes to say "I love you" and (2) somehow manages to attract NT women who don't like affection and don't say "I love you."

I think I may be the only Aspie man who (1) is affectionate and likes to say "I love you" and (2) somehow manages to attract NT women who don't like affection and don't say "I love you."

One of my previous attempts was an NT woman just like that, and I consider myself pretty affectionate...trust me, you're not alone :/

I'm sorry you've had that experience too. I guess it's good to know we are not alone though, right?

Yeah, that's true, and I guess maybe a little bit more time and there might be another chance to find someone - no need to rush Anyway, to answer the OP, I think DrDiva's post was the best, particularly this line:



The times he doesn't say "I Love You" seems more to me like he needs downtime. That's it. Just give him space, and he'll still be loving you afterwards