Meltdown when everything should be fine

Post Reply New Topic

(Situation)
I just had a tough situation at work. I am a writing tutor, and the person I was tutoring would not believe me that an if-then statement needs a then part, and she started telling me she'd seen it in mathematical papers where there was no then part. I told her that did not make sense to me, and I've taken up to Calculus II, but that if she was still not sure she should check with her professor because we're writing tutors, not math tutors.

(Explanation)
Her sentence was along the lines of "Where (noun) is (variable) and (noun) is (variable); (noun) is (variable)." I explained to her that she needed to replace the semi-colon with a comma to make a complete sentence and that semi-colons must follow independent clauses; the clause before her semi-colon was dependent, meaning that it needed a comma and an independent clause to follow it. I further explained that doing so would make the sentence an if-then statement, which would mean that the third variable is dependent on the first two variables because they are in the dependent clause, and that she should make sure she meant the third variable to be dependent on the other two. Otherwise, I told her that she could just delete the word "where" and replace "and" in the first clause with a semi-colon to make a list out of all of these simple sentences she would have.

(What Happened)
After I explained everything to the best of my ability, she again claimed that I was "just" looking at the grammar (which is what she came to me for anyway) and was obviously missing something. Again, I told her that that is what we do at the writing center--look at writing. She asked for the director, and I told her she was not in the office, but that her question, as she had just told me, was not writing-related and would be better posed to her professor. She began to argue some more, so I finally just told her there was nothing more I could do for her and walked away.

I did exactly what I was supposed to do, and I handled the situation the right way, but as soon as I had walked away I started crying and it quickly turned into an anxiety attack. I did not even get the chance to explain the situation to my coworkers, who then had to deal with her coming into the office and asking for the director and saying that no one else could possibly help her. That's fine that she did that, although ignorant, but I would have liked to explain to my coworkers what the situation was, instead of having to basically run to the bathroom, where I spent half an hour trying to stop crying and finally had to come out with scary red eyes and a red face and tell everyone I was having an anxiety attack and go home early.

It shouldn't have ended up like this, and I don't understand why it did. Everything should have been fine. The situation itself did not bother me enough for this to happen--in fact, that sort of thing happens all the time. People are very opinionated about their writing, and I know that. I think the problem was that she was sort of confrontational, but I cut it off before it could escalate... so I just don't understand this anxiety attack.

I tried everything to stop crying... I splashed cold water on my face, jumped up and down, tried find something on my clothes or skin to pick at, huddled up in a ball on the bathroom floor, made myself smile really big at the mirror... nothing worked. I just kept crying. I am still crying. When this happens, I feel like something inside of me snapped, and it scares me to think what other people must think--that I'm so unstable that I can be laughing one moment and then crying the next. People probably think I'm psychotic.

First of all, I'm very sorry about what happened to you. It must have felt horrible snapping into an attack like that, especially if you weren't expecting it at all. Through the years (and many serious attacks) I've learned that a variety of things can trigger a panic attack. While it used to be uncomfortable situations in the beginning for me, it evolved into attacks that were the result of seemingly random triggers. (I had an attack at a grocery store in 2010 and now I have one almost every time I enter a store with the same type of light.)

Perhaps it would be a good idea not to over-analyse the situation too much. I know that may seem unnecessary advice, but the truth is, you might never find out what caused it. Maybe it was, indeed, the way the person approached you, or a suppressed bad experience you had a little while ago. The important thing to remember is that you had an attack, that it can apparently be triggered by the most random things and how you get through them. You can't always prepare for a panic attack, so it's good to think about how you can cue yourself to get out of one when you need to. I find that this is the best way I can deal with them.

I hope you feel better soon!

Perhaps it would be a good idea not to over-analyse the situation too much. I know that may seem unnecessary advice, but the truth is, you might never find out what caused it. Maybe it was, indeed, the way the person approached you, or a suppressed bad experience you had a little while ago. The important thing to remember is that you had an attack, that it can apparently be triggered by the most random things and how you get through them. You can't always prepare for a panic attack, so it's good to think about how you can cue yourself to get out of one when you need to. I find that this is the best way I can deal with them.
[/quote]

I think nortier is right on the money on this. You may never know what caused it, but if you over analyze the situation it might just make an attack more likely. And if you need to cry, for goodness sake cry! Those tear ducts were put there for a reason, and it has been shown that shedding tears releases endorphins (I read that somewhere). I think the harder you try to stop crying, the worse it will get. Finally, I wouldn't worry what people think. Okay, a lot easier said than done, but I think the person you will find hardest on you is yourself. I would hate to think you will still be beating yourself up about this long after everyone else has forgotten it.

I had stuff like this happen several years ago. I was taking an opioid pain med for a shingles attack. Although I've had melt downs, and emotional and depressive bouts before, I started having ones that made no sense, that just didn't fit the pattern of the ones I had had before. It felt so unlike my own normal bad bouts. I finally realized the pain med was responsible. It was also causing other unpleasant side effects, too, so as soon as I could stand the shingles pain on my own I took myself off the opioid pain med. I will also consider how great the need really is very carefully before taking them again for anything.

I don't often have melt downs any more, because I now live alone, and also am far past my school years. The other kids and my relatives were my most common melt down triggers. I do still have emotional and depressive bouts, though. I found that the best way to handle them was to let my bouts vent themselves for a short time, and then work to "change the channel", as trying to bottle them up or shut them down without venting didn't work, and tended to make things worse. I think that once our bodies generate the biochemicals that produce these bouts, we need to burn them up through venting, at least to some extent, before we can work on restoring our equilibrium. Trying to stop the bouts without at least some venting seems to generate more and worse levels of these biochemicals, I guess because of the unrelieved stress.

I'm feeling better now. I know it wasn't that situation really that caused it. I kinda had an uneasy feeling this morning but not enough of one to call off work. I probably should have. My employer is really understanding, though, so at least it won't be a problem this time. I'll just have to explain that it really wasn't that girl's fault... she was just very opinionated about her writing, and I understand that, and I understood it at the time. This was just random. I hope they can understand. I've never had an anxiety attack at work before, and it's been over a year. I don't think one incident will alarm my supervisor too much.

I'm glad to hear that. You say your supervisor is very understanding, so you could tell them what it is like for you to have a panic attack. As a student, I usually tell my professors the truth if things start to get out of hand, and they have never been anything but understanding about it. The key thing to know, however (and sadly) - and don't get me wrong - is that it might be tricky to stick to 'this is just one incident'. Not because I think it's stupid, but because of the following. When I had that attack at the grocery store I said "Oh, this was just once. Moving on." But then whenever I started to feel uneasy there I began to realize that it might not have been a one-time occurrence. That was exactly what triggered all of the next attacks. In other words: panic attacks seem to have a really peculiar way of becoming a positive feedback loop.

You might very well have to face these attacks for the rest of your life, and I feel the most suitable thing one can do in such cases is to come clean about it. You can make people understand (to a degree) what it is like, and confiding in them can help you position yourself in the case of an attack. Perhaps you can make a buddy at work who would be able to support you if you start feeling bad, someone who can help you through them. I think your fear of being considered psychotic could be minimised by telling people what an attack is.

I'm sorry if I sound like a tutor here (it's even crazy that I say it, it's simply my 'aspie speak'), but I feel it's important to be careful with how to handle panic attacks. It can seriously affect the way you see yourself in the world.

I agree with you. I plan on explaining it. I also plan on not working with that student again, even though it wasn't really her fault, just because I know she could trigger one again. I only have one month left of working there anyway because I am graduating and it's a student job. I hope I can make it that long. If I feel uneasy again like I did yesterday, I'll probably just call off work on those days.

I used to have anxiety attacks more often when I was younger. I lost a few jobs because of them--basically had to quit after they wrote me up so that I wouldn't get fired--those employers were way less than understanding even when I explained it. I had one awesome employer who understood because one of the managers also had panic attacks--I differentiate between panic and anxiety attacks because what she described as feeling like having a heart attack is something I don't experience. I just have a random flight response and want to run away and hide and can't stop crying. It's frustrating and it's worrisome that I had one again because I really don't know what to expect now, especially now that I'm going to have to find a new job in another month.

I spoke with my husband about it yesterday, though, and he's really supportive. He told me he's gonna open a business and it's okay if I lose jobs now because he'll hire me then. It helps to have a very understanding non-typical NT on my side... I wish I could clone him and give one of him to everyone who's like me cuz he really helps.

I'm a student, too, and I have had temporary student jobs. I always find it very difficult to tell people about my attacks if I only have to communicate or work with them for a short period of time. It's great that you can possibly get a position at your husband's business. No need to explain as much!

It's funny that you should say that about him, because my boyfriend is exactly the same. Especially in the case of my panic attacks he is more understanding than anyone I've ever known. He also understands many of my other Asperger traits, even though he is NT himself. Is your husband on the spectrum?

I'm glad to hear you have a good support system in him.

Mrs. Potato Head, first of all, your writing is amazing! I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through.

I'm NT... I was a terrible writer but I picked history as an undergrad in which you write tons. I got a job at the student newspaper as an photography intern but I was required to write a lot...

I was such a poor writer that I probably shouldn't have gotten past community college and I probably shouldn't have been at a university in the first place.

I went to the writing center every week for the entire first year. I was matched with a tutor who was shy and soft spoken but knew writing inside and out. She painstakingly worked with me everytime. I am forever in her debt and she helped me-without her I could never have made it past the first year.

What you do is really important and good. Don't ever forget that.

My daughter suffers from melt downs when everything should be fine ... Its usually caused by a build up when over a period of a few days she feels uneasy about something or has been thrown off ... the worse times is when she is very hormonal . We thought she also had bipolar , but a later assesment said she didnt.

Usually she feels lost and doesnt know what is happening ... unsure and feeling of not knowing what is happening next .. i dont know if this is any help - but i did take her to a homeopath ( recommended by friend ) and she worked on balancing her hormones. It took a month or so - but there was a definate difference in melt downs -the length of them for a start shortened and over time she didnt react as often to situations ... now it has been about a year since being off the treatment and the meltdowns have come back . I am seriously thinking she should go back and see the homeopath - it was not too expensive and has worked with both daughters - i dont know if similar treatment a GP could do but it maybe worth looking into . I hope that helps x