Women and asperger's

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I am a woman with asperger's syndrome and have overcome many challenges in my life but the biggest one I've never been able to overcome is making long-lasting friendships with other women/girls. I have a ton of acquaintances but no one has really become close to me. I have had better friendships with men and boys because they don't judge and they're much more open to differences and I feel more comfortable around them.

I can count on one hand how many close friendships I have with other women and I find that a bit depressing because don't women typically have close relationships? I wish that could change about me, but I love alot of other things Asperger's brings: an intense focus on things, I have a musical talent that I'm proud of, and am very honest with people. I have become a music teacher and the biggest difficulties I have are relating with other staff members and sometimes being able to roll with the punches that happen in the classroom. I also tend to take things too seriously at times and the older students really exploit that. My strengths in the classroom are that I'm very knowledgeable about all things music, I bring out musical talent in students and am very caring and approachable with everyone.

What kinds of jobs do other women with Asperger's do on this site? Just want to know.

I am exactly the same. I haven't had a close female friend since High School and even then it was quite one sided with me doing all the giving. I'm not even sure why she was friends with me. I've always hoped that one day I would meet another woman that would become my best friend, but I've mostly given up on that idea now. I am lucky with the male friends I have and I have accepted that I may never meet a woman that I connect with in the same way.

As to your other question, I do whatever minimum wage jobs are available - my last job was in a shop with an all female staff and a 90% female customer base (it was a lingerie shop) and I found dealing with my colleagues impossible. There was so much drama, emotions, nuance, people disliking other people and things left unsaid that I simply could not cope and left after six months even though I could do the job itself.

It sounds like you are good at your job and make a real difference to the people you teach - that is a very valuable thing, I think.

I get on better with males too.

I work as a janitor and I am also not close to anyone there. It was a lot easier making friends as a child and I had the same ones for years but we outgrew each other. Now I can't really relate to anyone my age.

There is this one guy at work who keeps talking to me and I don't care what he is doing for his job so why is he telling me? Then there is this other woman and by the tone of her voice, I seem to keep saying the wrong things but I don't let it bother me. Then there is this security guy I like and I talk to him. The rest I don't talk to.

Women have babies, men and shopping on their minds most of the time. None of which interest me. Except maybe shopping at Flea Markets.

I am currently between jobs, but for the past 10 years I worked in IT. 8 of those years as a Network Administrator.

I do have a close friend -- we joke that we are sisters separated at conception, and I claim her daughter as a niece. We met in '83 and have been best friends ever since. It turns out that she too has Aspie/HFA traits, and very likely could get a diagnosis should she choose to.

Hubby also has some traits, but also has so many other issues that it's hard to tell if he's on the spectrum or not. We met in '98 and are still going strong.

The best way I can think of to find and keep a friend, for spectrumites at least, is to find others, ideally also on the spectrum, who share your special interests.

I don't know too many women personally who are on the spectrum, but I do know a student who has it and struggles a lot socially. I look at her and think of my past.

I'm definitely the same. I've always found it easier to socialise with males. I find them less complicated.

Right now I work in daycare but I'm going back to school for Library and Information Tech in September.

I worked in admin, as a civil servant, for about 20years. I never made any friendships with my female colleagues - I just didn't share their interests in dating men, make-up, fashion, babies etc.

I have always got on better with men - I've often thought that my brain is more male than female.

I like men a lot better too...they're not so catty and judgemental and I feel much more relaxed around them.

I get along better with males also, but the problem that I ran across was that after I began puberty the males in my life began to only be interested in a sexual relationship...and I'm gay. This caused problems as you can imagine. I began to pull away from the males, and I still have this problem to this day. I'd like male buddies, but they always mistake my friendliness for flirting.

See now, I'm the exact opposite. I do not feel comfortable around guys most of the time unless there is a at least one trusted female around. It just feels like I have a target over my head and being in a small school where all but about 12 students are guys (total population=around 80), most of whom have Autism, it's very uncomfortable, especially because the guys here don't know how to flirt and tend to, literally, back me into corners. Anyway...yeah, I've never felt comfortable around guys. Always preferred females as friends, although, truth-be-told, sometimes guys are easier to get along with because they tend not to start rumors and most girls are obsessed with shopping, something I have very little interest in.


As far as jobs go right now I work for the school and just do what they need, but in the past I have been a care giver for special needs people, and in the future I would like to become a dog trainer and drama teacher, though really it changes just about everyday.

I have one female friend that I hang out with, she's my best friend. She has Aspergers too. We're also both lesbians, and therefore people usually think we're in a relationship together. We always try to explain to such people that the two of us dating would be like me and my sister dating, or she and her sister. It would just be disgusting and wrong. I have some straight male friends, but it seems that guys tend to fall for me very easily and it sometimes freaks me out. That tends to end my friendship with straight males. I on the other hand have a lot of gay male friends.

I agree, girls are dramatic, bad-mouthing, and false. Guys are a lot easier to be around.
Somebody I know told me once: "Girls see and hear, but boys say and do. That makes sense to me, although I have no idea how to explain it to those who don't get it.

I work part time as a customer service representative in a call centre and it's pretty much the worst thing in my life right now. It's just horrible.

People yell at me, I'm already afraid of answering phones but now I am forced to do it for 4 hours straight not knowing who's on the other end and whether or not they're irrationally upset at something that to me seems very minor and fixable. No more than 2 minutes between calls, so you have to take notes really fast or else the supervisors come marching up to you and embarrass you in front of everyone as to why you're taking so long. Not to mention the way they give us statistics on how the customers rate our service on calls... it's not logical the way they do it. I could explain but I would ramble for days and I'm sure nobody wants to read an essay of annoyed ramble!


About friendships, I wish I had some good advice for you but I'm the same. I've reached a point where I don't really care about having friends anymore... they always disappear. I can honestly say that at this point in time, I have zero friends. There have been times where I've been considered somewhat popular, but it all ends up the same. People get sick of me. I can't be bothered going through it anymore.

I have trouble associating with women in the way they expect. If I were a man, I can see that women would try harder to come to my level... but as a woman, they expect me to understand and appreciate fashion, be excited about having long nails, notice their haircuts... and then, on top of that, I am bisexual and highly intimidated by women sexually (1) because I have never been past making out and (2) because not all women are into other women, and some are disgusted by the idea.