08 May 2012, 1:07 am
ASPIES & HFA's !
* do you feel lonely, shafted or gypped ? *
YOU ARE NOT ALONE !
i'm <aspicious> a "GEN-Y" aspie female and i wrote the following to reach out to others like me - - -
may you find peace, love and inspiration in these words ! feel free to copy / cut & paste or otherwise forward it to those you think it might benefit ! BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL 
i feel like i lost out on the best part of my young life; by never having gotten the support & behavioral health care that i needed. i stumbled and bumbled my way through the decades like a blind man carrying a torch that illuminates the path ahead of him; yet the light it yields is visible * to everyone but him *
cant you just see the irony in that ?????
**** for all the successful, geeked-up, aspies out there who ve made it in life as techies, professors, scientists and researchers there are tons MORE like me who are acknowledged as intelligent - well on the surface at least - , bright, talented and filled w/ promise ..... yet our strengths are overshadowed by those "social and communicative impairments" that block us from achieving our full potential.
i dropped out of junior college, had a marriage that lasted 3 days and another that lasted 24 hrs. i currently work for myself b/c i wont last at a job working for or with anyone else.
as an asperger female : it wasnt difficult to fall prey to the lures of the adult entertainment industry. as much as i disliked the environment and people in it ; it gave me the one thing i desperately craved and wasnt getting from any other source : acceptance. or - - - at least it seemed like it at the time. i was valued and well-regarded by the patrons ; but for all the wrong reasons. it drove me even further into confusion and i questioned my very existence and essence in life.
before being diagnosed and being able to put a "label", or rather < define > who i was : i wondered why i - the alien - had been placed in this sea of people who looked like ; but didnt act and certainly didnt think like me. i spent my whole life being the proverbial *fish out of water* .......and have finally come to accept myself for who i am
notwithstanding the fact that i "can't swim on land".....i can still utilize <crutches> such as behavior modification and cognitive behavioral therapy - and understanding, compassionate friends - to get me to function ashore ( in the NT world ) .
and although i wish i could swim back into the deep blue sea w/ other fishies just like me, i know that God : in His infinite wisdom put me here for a purpose and perhaps that entails reaching out and sharing my story w/ other "fishies out of water" to convince them that there is nothing wrong w/ them - nor with me ; we were just washed ashore for this lifetime; and the test is NOT how well you succeed in comparison to the NT's around you; but how well you "stay afloat" in the desert island filled w/ what sometimes seems like an entirely different species.
i'll never "get" <normal people>. though i might observe, shadow and mimic them; i'll never truly be one of them and i ve come to accept that.
now : that being said : NOTE - my role isnt to "go under" but to say "this is MY WORLD TOO - i belong here as well and i'm carving out a niche for myself - right alongside of you all "
i will partake in the game and the illusion that is the pretense of being one w/ NT's but at the end of the day when all is said and done i am left in my solitary existence ...... but - - - you know WHAT ???
************** its in this darkness that i see the light shining /////// guiding me down an unfamiliar path and therein i find the courage to give props to my Creator and say :
< I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows right well >
( psalms 139: 13-14 )
08 May 2012, 4:21 am
