Feeling the sting of being shunned.

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I posted about my current social catastrophe here http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt197785.html

Because of the above social disaster, I have lost all of the friends I made in law school over the past year. Today I started a summer class that lasts from 9-4 every day this week. Today was the first day that my outcast status was fully confirmed; not a single person said hello to me, or even acknowledged that I was there. I was prepared for this, but it still hurts pretty bad. I'm not sure how to pick myself back up this time. I have to spend the majority of the next three years with these people, and having everyone actively hate me is not something I'm going to enjoy. I can't even feel the desire to make new friends, but I still feel the raw emotional pain that rejection and isolation are bringing. I wish I didn't destroy every good thing that happens to me. I wish I could have the satisfying, fulfilling relationships I see everyone around me have. I wish I didn't have to wait another two months for a damned appointment with a therapist. I feel like my entire life is on suspension right now, I can't move forward until I take care of this issue.

I want my friend back, but I don't want her back because of guilt, or a sense of obligation. I want to be wanted, I want people to want me to be their friend. I want someone to look forward to the idea of being around me. No one can, because I cannot connect in anything more than a superficial way. Any attempts at a deeper connection drive people away because they are 'creepy'. And when I do finally find someone who apparently enjoys being my friend, I ruin it by dumping all of my problems into them and eventually drive them away as well.

Autism impairs 21st century life to a greater degree than any previous era. In previous times, communities were small, marriages largely arranged, and sophisticated social ability was secondary. Today, our very existence is our social existence. I don't even feel like I'm on the wrong planet; I feel like I don't even really exist.

This actually really sounds like a desperate call for help. I'm willing to bet at least 75% of the people on WP has been where you are now. And it's definitely not a good place to be. Socially, one has to try to not be a burden to one's friends or they'll get dumped. I could insert a lot of cliches here ("Into everyone's life a little rain must fall." "This too shall pass." etc.) Realistically, I don't have the right words. All I suggest is keep an open connection to this forum - and those around you - and know that someone will come around when you least expect. How do I know? It's happened with me before when I least expected it, and I guess I've been around enough to know it'll happen again.

I really just want to avoid all social contact for a while. I hadn't realized before all of this just how really at sea I was. I just thought that maybe I was a little shy, and sometimes said things that were off the wall, but otherwise I was ok and fun to hang out with. I was wrong- and only now am I realizing how much I was probably irritating people. My friend was/is well-liked, and I guess I was accepted because I came along with her. It seemed like I had friends. But, it's become apparent that I really don't know how to be a friend. Now that she no longer wants to be my friend, there is no reason for anyone else to be either.

Can I even be fixed? I either need to overcome my lack of social skills and make real, true friends.... or I have to drive all desire for social contact out of me. Because I cannot be in limbo like this. It is killing me.