Reasons I Should Live/Die

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Reasons I should kill myself:
only friend does not have time for me
I am socially isolated
there is no hope for me
I have depression and meds/therapy does not work
low self-esteem
there is nothing good in life
things that I used to enjoy are not that enjoyable to me anymore
guilt about my mental illness (like I feel like I should be able to control it)
I am tired of being hurt by people

Reasons to live:
video games
my dog
maybe there is a solution out there somewhere that I haven't found yet

It seems that there is no way out of this. I have been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 14. What should I do about this?

You sound very sad, and also very hard on yourself. Please let us encourage you that there IS hope, for you. You may not see it or feel it yet, but there is hope. At 20 years old there is no way you could have tried every possible solution to find a better life. Many things will not work, but it could surprise you what will be the thing that works for you.

Please don't let guilt consume you. There is pressure in our society to be well, and be successful and be this and that. There needs to be more acceptance of the variety of ways people can be successful and the variety of mental issues that are real and present challenges for so many of us. sometimes the way to experience hope for yourself is through giving hope to others, and letting them know they are not alone in their depression or loneliness.

There are wiser people than me here, and in the world, with better advice for you than mine, but let me say that you are for sure not alone, and please be kind to yourself.

One reason you should not kill yourself is because your death will send ripples that will affect those who either love/like/ or simple know you. Just by your continued existence you give hope to others! On some level, all of us humans want to see the good person win, the depressed person happy, and the mentally oppressed free because in some way all of us ourselves want to be freed from such constraints. By ending your life, that glimmer of hope (no matter how likely or unlikely) is extinguished. And it is hope that animates human behavior in many cases. People may ignore you, but that does not mean they do not share something in common with you.

You dont need to save the world! Find peace in your own unique way. You may be challenged to try something new, but you never have to abandon who you are and your interests completely

I feel pretty simular except I do have a friend and a few family members I can talk to, but sometimes I feel bad for burdening them with my problems. But yeah its really hard, nearly even impossible at times to try and keep going when it feels like nothing will ever get better and that you've been depressed for so long. I've been feeling like this for quite some time as well.

I am not really sure of any way out, but for now I can say maybe just try living each day...think about the things keeping you here. I find having cats or dogs to be helpful and right now there's cats at my moms house and my friend has a dog and animals make me feel better. I mean I can be having a terrible day and still laugh because I'm playing with the dog or petting a kitten. And also if you want you could maybe seek psychological help. But I won't pretend that is a cure all or that the same treatments work for everything but if you're having too hard of a time dealing with this.....and don't have a lot of people in real life there may be help available. But sometimes it's easier said then done seeking any professional help so I understand there are some difficulties with that.

But also plenty of people here will do their best to understand and offer advice...or support so posting here is a good thing to.

Um, nothing good in life, and video games + your dog = does not compute

I noticed you have Psalm 6 on your sig, have you ever read Lamentations? Yes there is a lot of doom & gloom but there are also a lot of uplifting passages, so I tend to draw an inspirational effect from it

Besides that, if you read further in the Word it says multiple times that we are powerless on our own. I find it difficult myself to talk to God when I'm in the middle of a meltdown, but his children are EVERYwhere, especially on WP. This is where I've been led to 'fellowship' in addition to my Celebrate Recovery meetings. This is where I truly get to bare my soul.

The solution that you've been looking for is not in your own toolbox yet, but there is bound to be someone here among us that might have one you can borrow

What meds are you on? I assume a SSRI? You should start by getting quality meds.
I recently reread some about Rhodiola rosea. Seems like a good fit for you. If your on a SSRI talk to your doc about switching. You got to go on the MAO diet FYI.
I don't know if you could switch to st johns wort from a SSRI, but that'd be good.
Your meds are probably causing your depression. So, get on to something that's actually proven to WORK while the SSRI withdrawal passes. After you got that under control, you can start figuring out the rest. It will be way easier then.

Tell me if you actually try to do any of them!