Nice guys REALLY DO finish last.

Page 1 of 13 [ 206 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 13 Next

Ark
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 13 May 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

21 May 2012, 12:16 pm

Have you ever heard a girl say "Oh I just want a nice guy who will treat me right etc.". Well from what I can see, that's not true. All of the girls that I know would say that I am a "nice guy". I am extremely careful to make sure that I don't say anything offensive. I always talk to them with respect. Albeit I am a bit shy and "awkward" around girls but still I am a nice guy and yet I have never had a girlfriend. Meanwhile they go out with all of these superficial, jersey shore watching douche bag guys who clearly want them more for the physical pleasure that they can bring to them rather than for an actual deep relationship. Now-a-days I just feel like throwing up anytime I hear a girl say that she wants a nice guy because I don't think its true for most girls. Most girls seem to want an arrogant, over the top, disrespectful guy instead for reasons that I cannot comprehend.

Does anyone else notice this? Is it the same in your area?

rabbittss
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Dec 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,348

21 May 2012, 12:35 pm

Ark wrote:

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and assume you aren't aware of the way this forum reacts when some one uses the phrase "Nice guy". Essentially a certain cohort of posters assume "Nice guy" is a Dog Whistle for saying that "I'm nice and do stuff for women in the hopes of guilting them into having sex with me, aren't I an evil salacious bastard!, and then get angry when they see through my nefarious plan!, all while twirling my moustachios." There is apparently no variance allowed here, if you use the phrase "Nice guy' you are snidely whiplash, there is no possibility that you simply are to nice and it comes across as disingenuous or people take advantage of you, since the same posters will also tell you that no women would ever take advantage of a man she considers and easy mark.

Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

21 May 2012, 12:44 pm

Actually women like guys that are nice to them, but are rude/mean to other people. So yes women like "nice guys". :lmao:

simon_says
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,075

21 May 2012, 12:51 pm

Nice != awkward, passive or inept. You are allowed to flirt, ask someone out, complement someone you like, etc. These are human behaviors that have nothing to do with being "nice" as the term is usually used. Only you know if you are taking the shots that might lead to something. If you are and it's not working then you just need to improve your presentation and try again. There are no shortcuts for most of us.

bucephalus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jan 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,847
Location: with Hyperlexian

21 May 2012, 1:23 pm

Ark wrote:

You are only 18. It's very early days to be making this analysis. If you feel that you conduct yourself in the correct manner just keep doing what you are doing and it will only be a matter of time. Just a case of being in the right place at the time. How long have you been trying? describe what you have you done to resolve the issue. What exactly have these "superficial, jersey shore watching douche bag guys" been doing to get their rewards? Is there anyone trustworthy you know that has had significant success that you can talk to?

_________________
"grrrrr"

Comp_Geek_573
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Sep 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 699

21 May 2012, 1:32 pm

I do believe that these "jersey shore douchebag" type guys are being nice to the girls they are getting, but mean to everyone else. I personally would NOT want a woman who is nice to me, but mean to everyone else - that to me means that she's playing games with my ego, which I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT TOLERATE.

_________________
Your Aspie score: 98 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ: 33

BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

21 May 2012, 1:38 pm

Some very good points being made here both positive AND negative. Take them all in.

Yes, I've observed the same... they DO like nice guys, but are usually still drawn to strength and confidence (not an Aspie guy's natural tendency as a rule...)

That's why those Alpha males always seem to have a mate... it's nauseating sometimes but it really is basic human nature which we either have to:
A) adapt to work with,
B) deprive ourselves of and live without, or
C) hope fervently for a VERY rare female who doesn't abide by those norms and also happens to find us attractive.

Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

21 May 2012, 1:40 pm

I'm sure as hell not interested in the men you're describing. I would never put up with being treated poorly by some loser like that. Not all females want those kind of men.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 May 2012, 1:44 pm

One night i came home a little drunk... well, maybe really drunk (I rarely drink) and went online and chatted with that girl i met online (and she was the most compatible girl i ever met but she rejected me later because she wanted an outgoing extrovert guy and not a male version of her : her own words) and I started talking her dirty and flirting her in a vulgar/erotic way, she knew somehow that i was drunk.

Next day she told me she liked that side of my personality and she wishes if it was a part of my all-time personality. :-/

ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Feb 2012
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,608
Location: Ireland

21 May 2012, 1:48 pm

Become a degenerate alcoholic.

MXH
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

21 May 2012, 1:49 pm

What you say you want and what you actually fall for are two different things.

bucephalus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jan 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,847
Location: with Hyperlexian

21 May 2012, 1:52 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

...I started talking her dirty and flirting her in a vulgar/erotic way, she knew somehow that i was drunk.

Next day she told me she liked that side of my personality and she wishes if it was a part of my all-time personality. :-/

*turns away from jersey shore for a moment*

Was that temporary shift in character really enough to render you a "superficial, jersey shore watching douche bag guy?" that is the question

_________________
"grrrrr"

Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

21 May 2012, 1:57 pm

Comp_Geek_573 wrote:

I personally would NOT want a woman who is nice to me, but mean to everyone else - that to me means that she's playing games with my ego, which I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT TOLERATE.

I said "rude/mean to other people". That doesn't mean everyone obviously.

Last edited by Venger on 21 May 2012, 1:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 May 2012, 1:58 pm

bucephalus wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

*turns away from jersey shore for a moment*

Was that temporary shift in character really enough to render you a "superficial, jersey shore watching douche bag guy?" that is the question

Sorry, i don't get your american humor, be little more universal.

bucephalus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Jan 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,847
Location: with Hyperlexian

21 May 2012, 2:16 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

bucephalus wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

*turns away from jersey shore for a moment*

Was that temporary shift in character really enough to render you a "superficial, jersey shore watching douche bag guy?" that is the question

Sorry, i don't get your american humor, be little more universal.

I don't even know what "jersey shore watching" means, i was just quoting. What i mean is you're probably alright, even when you try to misbehave

_________________
"grrrrr"

mds_02
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Sep 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,077
Location: Los Angeles

21 May 2012, 2:17 pm

rabbittss wrote:

Is it surprising to you that women feel insulted when it's implied that their entire gender are stupid (just look at the awful romantic choices they invariably make) ungrateful (they didn't want the "nice guy" even after all he did for them) liars (how dare they pretend to want a nice guy)? Or that men feel insulted when it's assumed, based on their relationship status, that they must be superficial a**holes only out for a quick lay?

It's not niceness that turns women off, it's the almost tangible waves of desperation and bitterness that seem to emanate from pretty much every guy who attaches the "nice guy" label to himself.

_________________
If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.

Modest Mouse - The View

Last edited by mds_02 on 21 May 2012, 3:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Page 1 of 13 [ 206 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 13 Next

Jump to:

Nice guys REALLY DO finish last. Post Reply New Topic

Nice guys REALLY DO finish last.