Friends don't like my boyfriend

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Hey, I already started a thread a couple of months ago and I hope noone minds if I start a new one but I'm wondering how people cope with their friends not accepting their boyfriend/girlfriend?! I said in the 'kissing' thread that I had a falling-out with the aspie man I'm seeing because he got upset when I called on him unexpectedly one morning and 'got in his face' and told me I was annoying him. I was insulted by the fact that he got annoyed with me over what I perceived as normal behaviour and because he told me I had been 'yelping' at him! However, we made up and we're getting on even better than before. The thing is, when we were fighting I confided in a close friend. And now that we're seeing each other again she's very upset and doens't respect me anymore. She doesn't have a problem with him being an aspie but she thinks he could be abusive becuase she perceives his overreaction and the fact he got mad at me as the sign of an abuser. As well he told me he had been trying to be 'gentle' and 'sensitive' to my feelings by not getting mad first and she interpreted this as the sign of someone who tries to make you feel like you're responsible for their mood swing. Anyway, that's a bit hard to follow but the problem is she no longer approves of my relationship or respects me. Plus, I haven't been able to talk to another formerly close friend at all about my new man. Not because of our falling out, she thought that was making a mountain out of a molehill, but purely because she thinks he is 'weird' and even described him as 'not human' and said I need someone more emotionally sensitive. I would disagree entirely with this (she doesn't really know him personally). I think it's because he gives out a different 'vibe' socially that she doesn't like him. Anyway, unlike my other friend she has no grounds whatsoever for disliking this man, who is generally quite popular though some people find him odd and a bit overwhelming as he can talk too much (again, I have accepted this and think it's cute!) I find it hard that two friends, for differing reasons, think this man isn't right for me. My family thinks he's lovely and accept his eccentricities. Has anyone had a similar problem?

Apologies for various grammatical errors above, by the way!

I don't fault your friends, really. Have you ever seen the movie "Adam"? He has Asperger's and an NT girl falls for him. One day he unloaded on her - had such a prominent meltdown that she freaked out and promptly left their relationship. She really thought he was gonna hit her; he said he would never hit her. Nevertheless, the damage was done. Would he really hit her? I don't know.

Those on the spectrum have been known for going too far - jut like NT's. I do see why your friends are nervous, though. They're just looking out for your best interest and now they think you can care less what they think about your choices. They feel insulted. Believe me - it's hard to just stand by and watch your friend or family member endure a difficult relationship just for the sake of being in one. Just be careful...and good luck.

When he was a child. I don't think he's abusive though, I think he has issues dealing with emotions but he's fine 98 per cent of the time. Nobody is perfect, though I'm pretty sure I wouldn't tolerate an abusive partner. My last boyfriend could be verbally abusive and I 've known this fellow a long time and he isn't like that, that was the only time he lost his head a bit with me and it's nothing I can't handle.

No, I won't isolate myself from my friends as I value them and I appreciate their concern but it's sad that they think I'm making a mistake.

time.

As time passes, if he treats you right, your friends (if they are true friends) will understand.
If he continues the behavior, they'll just give you a little Hell over it, but will support you on a breakup.

All in all, don't worry too much. Understanding an AS is no easy task. That's why I avoid social meetings like the plague.

That's life... not everyone does appreciate a friends choice of husband or wife.
I'd carry on as normal.

I have been, and am still at times, in a very similar situation.

One friend in particular, who has seen me through the relationship from the very beginning (a few years) is at the moment very angry at me for continuing with it, due to similar reasons as yourself- that I confided in her when times were kind of bad.

She has been like this in the past though, and over time, she mellowed and started to accept him as things started to go better, so I'm assuming that this will eventually happen again, and I would hope this may end up being the case for you too. I have tried to explain to her that whenever anyone is in a relationship, they tend only to disclose the bad stuff, and so he will always come off worse than her really is, and I also gently try to remind her that I confide in her in as a friend, because I trust her not to judge me (or him for that matter) and that as a friend, I very much appreciate her advice and opinion, but that I equally appreciate her support. This seemed to help a little.

I'm sure over time, things will improve- I also find that once she has calmed down a little, it can be useful to kind of make sure that she sees him in person a bit, so she can see how you two get on, and remind her that he is a human being.

Good luck

Thanks! He's really not the villian he sounded like when I was upset. He's not perfect either, but who is? It's just when you show people who car eabout you how upset you are it leaves a permanent effect, a prejudice against the one 'responsible'. Hopefully time will tell.

It's not your fault and it's not his fault. My sister is in the same situation (her boyfriend is quite friendly), but because her friends are jealous, they avoid her, b.tch about her boyfriend, spread lies about both and so on.

That can't be easy for your sister and her boyfriend. I don't think my friends are jealous, per se - I think one is prejudiced because she doesn't understand his personality, and the other, who likes him otherwise, is frightened he's abusive though there isn't much evidence of that.

I've had a similar situation - when we first got together I didn't 'understand' some of his actions as I was seeing them through NT eyes. I would b*tch to my friend about his alleged actions only to realize later that they were just him being him, not him ignoring me...

My friend was cautious with her 'advice' but pretty much was telling me to bail. I have now started to share more of his amazing endearing qualities and actions so she is seeing another side of him and is coming round to my way of seeing things.

If you are gonna invite someone into your relationship, be sure to share both the good and the bad...

Don't let it bother you.

Hi Lorann,
What you're saying makes a lot of sense to me. My best friend just sees him as weird and awkward. She hasn't spent much time trying to get him know him, and I think if she did she might appreciate the many great traits he has. And believe me, I've learnt to very careful who I let in to my relationship!
Anyway, I decided not to let it bother me anymore!