Feeling other people's energy/Need for alone time

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analyser23
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11 Jul 2012, 3:39 am

Do other aspies feel real hypersensitive to the energy of others?

I can't stand too much time around others, and even if I am in the same room as someone and they are doing their thing and me mine, I still feel really affected by them. I can't concentrate as much, I get too much coming into my senses...

And when I am the only one in the house I get this massive feeling of space, I feel lighter, I feel clearer, and it is just such a relief. I love my family to bits, but this still happens, is so annoying :(

Anyone else?



Valkyrie2012
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11 Jul 2012, 4:14 am

I understand and experience exactly what you are talking about. You are not alone in feeling this way :)



Steven_Tyler77
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11 Jul 2012, 6:25 am

You're definitely not alone in this. Happens to me too, ever so often. Luckily, I live with my dad and he has lots of autistic traits himself - so we end up spending most of our time in our own rooms, pursuing our own special interests and getting together only for lunch, dinner, watching a concert together or when we want to have a conversation (which usually means him talking about his special interests; sometimes, I'm mildly interested in them, but he's never interested in mine....). When he's out of town and I get the entire house to myself, I feel so much freedom around me. I don't know why; I've always been like this and it took me years and years to understand that most NTs do not have this overwhelming need to be alone...

When my NT grandma comes to visit, she always wants to spend time with both me and my dad. I love her a lot, but it's draining to me. I always retire in my room and she always comes after me. I have a really hard time not to get angry at her. She's an old lady who has had a hard life and really needs a lot of affectionate interaction; she's also unable to understand that I'm not as NT as her and, if I don't spend time with her, she is heartbroken, believing that I don't love her. Ironically enough, my dad is facing the same issue with her...

This is one of the reasons why I dread having a couple relationship. If I hook up with an NT, he'll most likely be as clingy as most NTs are and will not understand my need to spend time alone and pursue my special interest. I need to find an Aspie guy, but I know none in my country...


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MightyMorphin
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11 Jul 2012, 8:40 am

I'm like this. I really can't be around other people when they're being all happy and energetic and stuff. I've often fled from social scenes when I'm with friends for this reason, I just have to be on my own. Sometimes it's even been overwhelming for me where I can just start crying and getting anxious.

If I'm energetic though, it's fine, and I don't like it when other people are sitting out. I try and get them involved so they don't feel left out.

I don't know how I'll ever settle down with a partner. I want a young relationship where you just stay girlfriends and live in different houses a bit of a way from eachother.

My last relationship, which was 2 years ago, was quite perfect for me. As much as I wanted to see her, I liked that I didn't have to see her all the time. I need my own space.
She lived in London and I live in Hampshire, so we only saw each other 3 times in our 3 month relationship. I hate her now though, she was horrible to me in the end, for no plausible reason, but that's another story.



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11 Jul 2012, 9:12 am

I feel the same way,it's like a weird energy drain,The longer I am around people(especially really energetic,talkative ones) I feel weaker and weaker.Kinda like Superman and kryptonite.or like one of those sea creatures( an anemone?) that pulls all it's fingers in when touched than unfurls when it's undisturbed.All the air seems to be sucked out of the room and when they leave I feel light and free and buoyant.



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11 Jul 2012, 9:28 am

Misslizard wrote:
I feel the same way,it's like a weird energy drain,The longer I am around people(especially really energetic,talkative ones) I feel weaker and weaker.Kinda like Superman and kryptonite.or like one of those sea creatures( an anemone?) that pulls all it's fingers in when touched than unfurls when it's undisturbed.All the air seems to be sucked out of the room and when they leave I feel light and free and buoyant.


I feel like I can't move when there are others around. My husband thinks I'm a slob, but it's because I'm so paralysed when he's there and I can only really move about and clean when nobody's home--and he never leaves :x



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11 Jul 2012, 9:43 am

I'm the same way about cleaning,I always wondered if anyone else was I just can't get anything done with other people around,even family.The house goes down quick and its not any better if they offer to help.



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11 Jul 2012, 1:28 pm

I'm like that, too - I used to have this friend in high school who would rope me into attending all her swim meets, and after getting up at 7:30 AM on a Saturday, spending three - to - four hours of sitting on butt - sleep - inducing bleachers, cheering till my throat was raw, being crowded by all kinds of people, and then getting nagged with, "You're coming to the one next Saturday, right? Right?" I would just collapse into bed and sleep for the rest of the afternoon, once I got home. It was just too much for me to handle on a day I normally used to regroup from the previous week.


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11 Jul 2012, 2:59 pm

This is a really eye opening thread, for me. My boyfriend goes through this, I think. He definitely needs his space and time alone, and seems to get overwhelmed with too much attention at times, even if it doesn't seem to be too much for me. I've learned to recognize and respect these feelings of his, but after reading through this thread I am going to talk with him about these things. At first I took it as a sign of rejection! He also mentioned something about our previous date draining him due to the high emotions we felt that night and the things we discussed.


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Nymeria8
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11 Jul 2012, 4:41 pm

I feel like this often. Most especially when I am trying to keep myself calm and the person around me is all manic and rushing. I have leave the room. Its like their energy transfers to me and can make me feel anxious even though I wasn't.


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AngelofDreams
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11 Jul 2012, 9:41 pm

This is familiar. I can't stand public places because just being among crowds drains my energy, or I get affected by their vibes/feelings.
There were a few times when I'd be inside a certain shop, and it was almost packed with people, I would feel so sick I thought I was going to throw up or faint.

It also seems that people's positive feelings affect me as well, and not always in a good way.



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11 Jul 2012, 9:41 pm

Join the club :) another reason why its so hard to not only get out in the world, but have a job or friends or whatever.

I can only take so much being around others before my head is getting tired and i have to go to sleep to reload.



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11 Jul 2012, 10:15 pm

I think strongly introverted NT people experience this too, or at least I do. Granted it may not be to the same degree as someone on the spectrum, but being around other people is like a siphon to me. I don't necessarily dislike spending time with other people, but it drains me. Even "fun" things leave me feeling very worn out. If I have to interact with others a lot at work, I really just need to be left alone when I get home.



analyser23
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12 Jul 2012, 3:45 am

It is comforting to know I am not the only one with this!

Quote:
I'm the same way about cleaning,I always wondered if anyone else was I just can't get anything done with other people around,even family.The house goes down quick and its not any better if they offer to help.


This is just like me too!! !! I am so much more productive when my partner and Son are at work/school, and then as soon as they are home, BAM, I can't do anything around the house anymore, it is so weird/frustrating, plus it also then pushes on my trigger of feeling like people think I don't do enough productive stuff in my Life

Quote:
I think strongly introverted NT people experience this too, or at least I do. Granted it may not be to the same degree as someone on the spectrum, but being around other people is like a siphon to me. I don't necessarily dislike spending time with other people, but it drains me. Even "fun" things leave me feeling very worn out. If I have to interact with others a lot at work, I really just need to be left alone when I get home.


Yes, this is definitely part of being an introvert too. I used to think I was just EXTREMELY introverted until I found out about my asperger's, and now I know I am both introverted AND an aspie which does, I believe, make it all the more intense.

It seems like, even if there are others in the house doing their own thing, there is still this constant checking within myself that I am doing all the right stuff, attending to them properly, and intellectualising my behaviour, their behaviour, and what I need to do to keep on top of their needs, etc (even more so as a wife-to-be and Mother!) as well as working with my own needs (my own needs seem to be exhausting enough lol with all the sensory comforts and organising at the very least!). And then there are all the group decisions that need to be made.... Phew! (I go through every single permutation for every single decision, it's ridiculous lol And that's just ME, then bring into it other people, while also trying to read them and getting confused and messing it all up and it is a nightmare)



Jediyoda
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12 Jul 2012, 5:54 am

Im the same way too. Don't get me wrong I like people coming over my house and all but for not too long. I enjoy my alone time or what I call Aspie quiet time all of my friends have Aspergers Syndrome and when they come over they always bring there books and documentries of the Interest or Hobbie they are interested in they too like their quiet time too at my place so most of the time they are in the loungeroom doing their own thing and Im in my room doing my own thing. I spend four days a week in my unit where I don't go anywhere and don't go outside and spend most of my time in my comfort zone of my room more interested in my hobbies and interests. I get asked quiet regularly do I ever get lonely no I don't I enjoy being alone. Im really not a people person.



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12 Jul 2012, 11:34 am

Yes.