Gifts and intensity of emotions. Please, share.

Post Reply New Topic

Having Aspergers brings amazing, unusual gifts to me.
People say I am wild and a not common person. They think I am a particularly talented person.
But I feel there is a very high price to pay for it, sometimes too much powerful, and I do not know how to deal with it.
My emotions.They are so intense. So much intense.
Positive, and negative.
Positive: yes..it is beautiful...love...joy...dedication...devotion..intuition..everything happens in me to be in the highest degree.
Many people love me for it.
but..also negative is so intense..: pain, disappointment, sadness, reactions.
I practice meditation. It helps me, but I still have my strong reactions and so often meltdowns.
Very poweful meltdowns, which shake my whole being and sense of balance for few days.

I have a really amazing highly professional academic career, which makes me so happy.
I have a strong connection with music and very good piano composition skills.
I have also extraordinary coooking skills. Sport abilities. Painting skills. I love nature, I write poetry and fairytales.
I can be very funny and light.
I do not want to seem arrogant.
Intensity can be a gift.
However......there is a very price to pay for it. The other side is that...
that sometimes I really wish to be a normal, silly person. Without sensitivity.
Because I am so very sensitive. I feel the energy of people around me.
Their energy field.
I am often overwhelmed by it and by my emotions.
Sometimes, I feel hurt by something which I after realize being so silly.
But I still managed to have meltdown for it.
Because of intensity of my emotions.
If I love someone or something, I can gives and dedicates my life.
If i don't like someone, I am able to never speak with this person.

Sucnh an intensity gives me many benefits.
Different perspectives, amazing ideas and insights and extraordinary academic abilities, but also it destroys my life and my relationships.

Please, I really would appreciate your experience.
Thank you very much.

One of the gifts I have is the ability to learn many things, being a jack of all trades master of none. I pick up skills, non language and artistic quickly. I have used this to learn to be social to the point that neurotypicals that I deal with for normal social periods of time have no idea. As long as I keep out of a big party setting I can hold the act and conform to social mores and folkways. It is like flexing a muscle, though in as much as it is easy when I start but it gets harder as I go. If I wake up and am feeling well, I can go about three hours before I start getting quiet and withdrawn and have to go.

Due to my lack of emotions, which is a gift and a curse, I make a very good technician. I don't get bogged down in people yelling or what holdups it is causing, I just solve the problem. Solving problems is what my brain does well, and what it enjoys. The downside is I tend to be distant from people and some think I am an egomaniacal genius, because what seems simple to me seems complex to them. I have been working with my wife and am up to a kind of caveman level of emotion. I always had angry, happy and sad, now I work on empathy and compassion. It is hard to know the line for me, when I "open the airlock" it is hard not to be drawn in to a persons whole life experience. When I try to feel for them losing a pet I start thinking about all the pain they have ever been through, losing a parent or being in an accident... It can be paralyzing and draining.

It is like flexing a muscle, though in as much as it is easy when I start but it gets harder as I go. If I wake up and am feeling well, I can go about three hours before I start getting quiet and withdrawn and have to go.

I fully understand it. It is exactly the same for me.

I don't know. I'm just happy I'm not like NTs.

IMCarnochan thank you fro your post.
I understand very well when u say: it is difficult to know the line.

Oh my gosh, my emotions are very intense too, especially those of anger, sadness, despair, anxiety, etc...

Over time, I've learned to channel those intense emotions into my drawings and my writing.

I ran across some old faxes/printouts that a psychiatrist who saw me as a 9 - yr - old sent my parents, and in one section of his observations, he noted that I seemed about as depressed and withdrawn as I tend to be as an adult. On the other hand, he also mentioned that my writing and verbal expression skills were on par with those of college students' (I gotta say, I don't really know why he thought my verbal expression skills were that remarkable, since I always feel unable to say what I REALLY need to say).

So yes, other people have noticed the intensity of my emotions, as well. After my parents' divorce, my stepmother was startled by the depths of my sadness, and my father was astounded by the intensity of my anger.

Sometimes I am like a Vulcan.
And fire personality. And very extreme with what I like and what not

I guess I always thought the intensity of my emotions was normal. It never occurred to me that it might not be. After what you have described, it does sound like what I experience. I do think my emotions are far more intense for me than for everyone else around me where I live. I guess I never really knew why. What is strange is I am somehow still able to hide my emotions even though they are intense, not sure how either. I don't think I've ever had meltdowns either, but I don't really know if those happen differently for different people or not. I think it might be that I have managed to get myself out of stressful situations before a meltdown happened, not sure really.

As far as gifts go, I know I'm really good at writing fiction, but when it comes to grammar I make tons of mistakes.

Emotionally, I am extremely intense and have a hard time reigning it in. Sometimes I feel like a pinball bouncing around from elated to furious, and everything in between.
I'm good at finding creative solutions, and thinking outside of the box. I used to be quite the writer, but the flame fizzled.