How can you have hope as a 41 yo virgin?

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You are pulling a freight train full of emotional baggage and virtual rejection. I admit I never asked a girl out in my life, whether it be geekiness, low self confidence, etc.
Only one relationship in my life with a younger, religious girl. I could have married her but thought I could do better.
Looks? Probably not an Abercrombie model but as good or better looking than anyone around me that is married with kids. People are surprised when I say I'm single.

I'm also a skateborder/rollerblader with a good body, 5'10", grey eyes, etc. I seem invisible to women though. Women smile at me occasionally but probably because I am weird. I never had a woman ask me out at the mall or supermarket.

Right now I'm so depressed that my only turn ons are bridges that I drive over. Back to reading minutae on Wikipedia.

Time to give some risky advice..have you thought about an escort service? As in just for one time. I mean, just to get those fears and anxieties out of your mind so you can think less about the problem of asking women out?

I knew someone who made it to 50 as a virgin, but even he has girlfriends now.

Sex is overrated.


.. and expensive.



Find a cause.

Wouldn't do anything for me and its against my values. Also I'm very neurotic about germs, etc. The girl I was with thought that it was very honorable that I was a virgin and she had no issues with it. This is coming from a young attractive woman.

She said if she was my age and single she would be the same way(but its different with most women - I told a woman recently and she said are you some kind of freak?)

I wish somehow my brain could be "flashed" like a cars computer. Then I could get the right social strategy.

It's not overrated. Quite frankly, it's the only way to properly relieve oneself from a very strong desire.

<--- 50 year old virgin. They say you can't miss what you've never had.

A lot of people with Asperger's have trouble reading body language and social cues. Is it possible women are giving you signals and you're just not picking up on them? If so, I wonder if maybe getting to know potential dates online (please don't shoot me, people who hate online dating sites!) before meeting in person might be helpful for you.

no offense but you can't feel too hopeless considering you have had a gf before. If it can happen once it can happen twice. I and many other guys here have never had a gf before. I am half your age though.

I did have a nice 20yo gf when I was 37. My married neighbor said I'm gay for not pursuing it. She is finishing a PHD program now. . Quality over quantity I guess. Only one gf at 41 I thought it was wrong to marry the first girl you met. That would have been the next step with her. She is married with a kid now.

Why would it be wrong? My oldest daughter is engaged to her very first boyfriend. She knew him since she was about 9 because he was a friend of her older brother's. He's almost 4 years older than her. He used to hang out with my oldest son all the time. He was constantly here. Over the years by the time she was about 12 she started liking him. When she was 13 he started liking her back. They started dating. He was still here all the time because my son still lived here. When she was 15 they were still together and he moved in with her. (She's got a huge room thats a renovated two car garage - sitting area, sleeping area, full bathroom, walk in closet, storage room, it's own entrance from outside, so there is privacy) They are still together. They got engaged last summer when he took her on a cruise to Jamaica, the Cayman Islands and Mexico. She's turning 19 in two weeks and they are moving out within the next couple months to a house his parents own that is a couple miles away. They are both in college.

They have a very stable relationship, hardly any arguing. They get in an argument about once a year and it's never bad, just a couple of door slams and a very few yelled words and that's it. They are both very mature and responsible. Their 5 year anniversary was this past spring. They haven't planned the wedding yet because they are waiting to be able to pay for the one they want and until they are both out of school.

There is nothing wrong with marrying the first person you are with.

Use a condom, Silly.

Condoms can't protect against skin contact in areas not your penis. Unless he wears like, a paper plate with a penis hole in it or something... Quite possible, to, say, get herpes, with a condom on, just from skin contact.

This is good advice ,you could also focus on women who maybe you see repeatedly ,say at work. Expecting to make a connection with some random woman at a mall isn't realistic.Expecting a woman to ask you out at the mall or supermarket isn't realistic either.

I met my husband at a convenience store. I worked there and he came in to buy gas. It was the first time I saw him, I told the girl working with me that I thought he was awesome and so she told him and introduced us. He asked me out, the rest is history.

It's not likely the OP would be able to pull that off though.I am glad it worked for you