Some initial thoughts - Adderall XR, marriage, kids...etc.

Post Reply New Topic

I've only posted a few times, but I really feel that I should post some more to get some useful feedback from this very large group of individuals. Just to give my brief condition:

36-yr old male, diagnosed w/ AS about 14 months ago, married to my beautiful wife for over 8 years, and have a 7-yr son w/ AS.

My parents had me tested when I was 5, the report came back that I was well advanced in some areas, but that I had' social issues' so they never pursued me starting ahead in math, or reading. Basically, I didn't get the additional help I should've received. So, there is a good deal of resentment I have with my parents. Topic #1.

I just finished taking Adderall XR (20mg) for about 30 days. I went back to my doctor (after initially recommending it from my AS psychologist) and just got a 30-day supply of XR (25mg) and (30 5mg Adderall IR "boosters". I've been taking the 20mg around 7:30am to 8:00am and the first few days, Whoa! did I feel it. It wasn't overwhelming, but I definitely felt it. I have a general feeling that it is helping. I seem to be more focused, less prone to being distracted from 'outside' stimuli. But, I'm just upping the dose to see if it helps. I also plan to take the 5mg around 3pm - 5pm to see if it gives a little help with family time after work (8am-5pm). Topic #2.

My marriage (wife an NT), has been up and down, like MANY others I've read here. I know it's typical, I read 80% of mixed marriages end in divorce. For some reason, I know ours will never end like that, but it's hard. I just read a post from someone else that LITERALLY matches my viewpoints. I want to be nice, I want to love my wife and son, I want to be kind. I FEEL that I achieve this, but my wife is easily agitated, or critical of almost everything I do. She can, AT ANYTIME, yell to the house that I changed something, replaced something, moved something, removed the USED Keurig K-Cup from the machine that she last used. Really? In my mind, I'm helping keep an orderly house (something the next person doesn't have to do when they make coffee). But to her, it's an annoyance. And she takes it personally, and hard. And, it's cumulative. That's the part that bites me. Topic #3.

Anyway, I could write and write and write. There are COUNTLESS instances of 'my AS' that I enjoy/hate/revel in/can't stand. I was the first (and only) licensed driver in Wisconsin to get the license plate 'ASPIE'. Whoo-hoo! Isn't that cool? If I have time, I could literally create a post just of 'AS things.' Might be the start of a new book! Topic #4.

Well, now I guess I could figure out what topic I should write more about.

Any suggestions?

Thanks for all the advice and assistance in advance!

Michael

your wife has a bad problem with criticizing way too much. this is bad for you and worse for your son. she needs therapy a soon as possible. she is verbally abusive, finding fault over everything. i would not put up with that. my brother-in-law is like her and all his kids are insecure.

Well first I want to say you seem to have a really positive outlook. I am by no means an expert but I would, delicately, agree with the previous post in that it's your wife who needs adjusting. Could you both go together to a trusted counselor, and work on some boundaries and needs, etc., so that it seems fair? Is it possible she's got too much power in the relationship - someone who yells a lot is not being respectful of others at all. Also, frequent yelling is simply terrible parenting behavior. (I grew up with this and know first hand, it really undermines the confidence and self esteem of someone with AS). Best of luck to you and your little family, and welcome. (I'm sort of new but I think it is o.k. to say that anyway)

My wife has zero tolerance for my faults, but she has epilepsy and polycystic ovarian syndrome, and was a misdiagnosed bipolar II. So getting her anywhere but couples counseling is a lost cause.

And oh, because of the PCOS it's not likely she'll have kids.

Just try to feel a bit lucky for my sake lol. You may have been sentenced to a life of torture but it seems like you're already taking steps to deal with it.

It's probably both of you who need adjusting.

I will preface myself by saying that my 20+ year marriage is in it's final tailspin as we are separated, so you can take anything I have to say with that in mind. However, making it 20 years probably counts for something.

When most people talk about their marriage difficulties, they have the tendency to downplay their role and use much softer language to describe it. However, they usually have a tendency to increase their partner's role and use much stronger language to describe it. So I always view these things with a grain of salt because the truth probably lies somewhere in between.

I would think it would help both of you to enter into marriage counseling. I wish we would have tried that earlier in our problems. Sometimes when things start going down the wrong path, it is really hard to get them back on track by yourself because of my above paragraph. I think it is often helpful to have a neutral observer to help keep the course of conversation focused on finding solutions instead of nitpicking and reiterating one's own point of view.

Regarding topic #1: the first time I had my son evaluated, they told me he was "extremely exuberant" and "smart." They told me he didn't need services, nor did they indicate he needed a diagnosis. To be honest, if my daughter wouldn't have come along with a much more obvious presentation that made me learn the lingo, learn the system, and learn the ins and outs of neurodiversity, I cannot say for sure that I would have ever gotten my son the help he needed. And I consider myself to be a good and loving mother. My own parents never got me any help, but in their defense, back in my day ADHD belonged to boys and was basically associated with being a delinquent. There wasn't even internet access back then, so I guess the fact that they were fairly ignorant to the fact that I needed help is readily explainable. I don't know how much of this applies to your situation, but I can tell you my own opinion that issues with your own parents is toxic to your relationship with your own kids. Just be careful with it.

I used to be a Cheesehead, too!