Confession

Post Reply New Topic

Has it really come to this?

That the pain was so unbearable that it has come down to THIS??

I wish I could go back and do it all over again.

I wish I could have been a better person.

But I know that I can never go back.

I can only learn from my mistakes and try to move on.

The problem?

I CAN'T move on.

I hang on to every little horrid memory.

I know that I act happy on the outside...

But on the inside,I am dying...slowly fading away....

So,I deal with pain by pain?

I know it's unhealthy,but I can't stop myself.



MY NAME IS MICHELLE...AND I AM A CUTTER.


-SpaceCase

I just had to let that out. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I was reluctant to post this,because I was called "stupid" and "emo" several times for saying that I am depressed. But,to hell with it.


-SpaceCase

michelle, you're not stupid and you're not emo either.everyone gets depressed at some piont. please stop cutting,you could really get hurt if you're not careful(or even if you are for that matter!)! !!

Don't think about the jam you are in. Don't think about the cutting or anything, for a few moments. Just daydream or fantasize about being in a situation that you like, doing what you like. Tell yourself that this can come true. It's how I survive.

I guess cutter means self-injury (SI)? Neurologic factors can be a factor in some
cases of SI. And its certainily something that can be comorbit ASD. My theory is
the anti-hypertension drug guanfacine (Tenex)might be usefull to person with ASD with SI issues.

http://dermatology.cdlib.org/DOJvol6num ... ekula.html

I don't intent to take away from this post. I am confused and would like to ask a question.

Where does the phenomena of cutting come from?

It seems to be largely a teenager problem but historically "teenagers" are a new demographic. In the past you were either a kid or adult, not some ambiguous middle-ground. I have had horrible bouts of depression and never once had the slightest urge to cut myself.

Do people in other places, other cultures, have this problem? And, is it gender-specific?

Whenever I try to get something out of my head, particularly the bad thoughts that I have a hard time trying to get out too. Imagine dripping water, the visibility and the sound, each drop falling as the ripples start to fade. The water is so deep it's black, and goes on forever. Try to imagine that, it's helped me forget. Keeps me from doing stuff to myself I'd regret later. Sorry I can't help much more than that, but it's the best I can do without understanding of your problems. Whatever they are, I hope they work out for the best.

Again, dripping water. Wash away the painful thoughts, y'know? Works for me.

I used to scratch into the tops of my arms, with sewing needles, when I was in my mid to late teens. My mum came into my room and asked what those red marks, were one evening. I've told her, that they were rashes. she told me that she was very worried about me. That was the moment that I've stopped scratching my shoulders, Cold Turkey. I've also started on my path, back to being the person whom you all know me as, today.

I would like to say, "Thankyou, mum!"

Ruby Rootie and I would also like to give you some hugs, leg rubs and kisses.

Hi SpaceCase,

Talking helps, and that's what this place is for.

You're not stupid, you're not an emo (I hate that word! It's completely meaningless and used to insult others)
Is there anything that makes you feel better? Music helps me, played loud on headphones. It kinda gets me together again.

Yep and a hug from me too. (Nice bear Enigmatic)

What you've just posted is not stupid. You're not emo.

I get down and depressed most of the time.

I know exactly how you feel.

I can't forget all the horrible memories I've had as well.

I wish I could turn back time and re-do from my mistakes.

But we all learn from our mistakes.

It's good to let it all out.

Take it easy girl.

Just a suggestion- as soon as you can, move to a big city like Atlanta, New Orleans, Houston or Dallas. I think you would be a lot happier. You get away from your mother, which judging by your posts here would be a good thing. Also, big cities have gay/lesbian communities, and it would be good for you to be around other people like yourself and see that it is possible to be happy the way that you are.

Please don't cut yourself anymore. Instead, make plans- college (if that's what you want to do), saving money for an apartment, where to move to, job, etc. It is possible to be happy. HANG IN THERE!!

Hi Space,

When I was about 19 - 20 I used to burn myself. I have scars. I can't say why I started exactly. I stopped when I had better self esteem.

People like you and don't want you to get hurt. I like you.

heh spacecase, first of all, there's nothing wrong with you but you do need to stop cutting yourself.

It's ok too feel sad sometimes but well i've been there (cutting) and the only thing you get out of it in the longterm is some weird scars on your arms and lots of awkward questions.

I repeatedly carved the name of a song into my upper arm when i was a teenager and even though i haven't cut myself in nearly four years the scars are still pretty clear and has caused some problems.

Honestly, the reason cuttingwas so appealing for me was mostly due to the endorphins, that and a misguided desire too punish myself. Going for a run, or some kind of hard physical activity does the exact same thing. It will release endorphins and you can push yourself and still feel like you released some tension. As an added bonus you also get healthier as a result.

Take care of yourself please. "sending waves of virtual mental support".

I've been SIing for some time. It's not as bad as it used to be. I think part of it is that I have really dry skin. What has helped me recently is Liquid Band-Aid. You can put it on cuts in places that a band-aid wouldn't be able to go. It helps keep away the irritation, and scabbiness/scarring that results in healing.